#stan would call him grandpa every chance he got | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gossipchii · 4 years ago

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Drive to survive

FF.net: here / AO3: here

Characters: Ishida Yamato

Words: 5100+

Notes: I promised this on twitter, and here as well and well, it happened. A Digimon story on my latest obsession. the Formula 1.

It’s safe to say I got excited, this is my longest story in forever!

Anyway, hope you like it as much as I do. Enjoy!

He was making history; he could not let himself forget it. Not ever had there been a Japanese driver to win podiums, and so far, during that season only, he had five. He had been working towards where he was right now ever since he was 8, when his dad had taken him to a kid’s go-kart circuit in Tokyo and had found out his heart had never beaten quicker. His mom had gotten scared when he told her how much he had liked it, and that he wanted to go back.

The owner of the place, a former engineer for Formula 1, was impressed as soon as he placed his eyes on him.

“He’s got talent,” he had told his mother, she shrugged it off. It was only a hobby, it had to be.

When his grandparents had gone visiting from Paris, Yamato had insisted on them seeing him race, he was only ten at the time. His grandfather knew he raced go-karts from his calls with his mother, but since she had insisted it was just a hobby, he took it that way. Of course, as an old French man, he was a big afficionado of car races, and nevertheless he was impressed by how fast his young grandson was.

“He’s a natural Natsuko, you must understand this is not just a hobby.”

Yamato traveled back to France with his grandparents, after he had heard them discussed with his mother about him taking a shot at race teams in Europe, professional ones. He had never been a professional before, he was not even sure what that meant, since Formula 1 was not a popular sport between his classmates, it was all about soccer and baseball, he did not know people could get paid by racing.

Michel, his grandfather, had a friend, who knew a friend, who was a part of the recruiting team of Renault’s quarry, and as soon as they saw 10-year-old Yamato behind his tiny wheel, they knew he was a natural, good enough to start training as soon as possible with their team.

It all happened too fast for him, he had to go back to Tokyo to pack up his life and leaving for good. He was not even certain if he were feeling sad or nostalgic, all he knew was school would turn into something he could do at home, and in French, and that he would be racing all the time. It all sounded like a dream, really.

“Don’t tell your grandma I’m telling you this but go kick those English kids’ butts!” had been the encouragement words coming from his grandpa before his first-ever professional race. He was 13 at the time, already gaining enough attention from the media, especially from his home country, despite only stepping foot in Japan once a year.

He tried not to read anything regarding himself, they tended to be mean, and underappreciating him. He knew after the first article he had read, he would never read it again, what was the point anyway?

“Next time I see anyone writing something mean they’ll be fired, even if they work elsewhere,” his dad had threatened.

“It’s okay, I don’t even care anymore. Let them talk, all I care about is getting podium, again.”

And so, he did, until he was old enough to jump to the bigger leagues. From Formula 3 to Formula 2, and finally, with only 21 years old, signing a five-year contract with the team Michel had always admired: Scuderia Ferrari.

Sadly enough, he had not had the chance to see him drive in red, because he had passed away due to a heart-attack, his grandmother passing away shortly after. People said she had died from heartbreak. Yamato only took it as another reason why he had to prove his best. His management team had told him media were already calling him the best Japanese driver in history, and that was nice, but only if he made it reality.

Yamato had helped Ferrari pound back to being the first-place team once again, after years of competing against Red-Bull and Mercedes. But he had only been the fifth best racer, not good enough if he wanted to make history.

That week he was back in his homeland, Japan greeting him as a hero for the Japanese Grand Prix. It was scary how much his face was everywhere he looked, even more so than pop-icons. He was glad his team respected his choice to remain mostly private, and when they wanted advertising, his team-mate, an Austrian dude who was six years older than him, was more than happy to do the interviewing.

It was safe to say he was not pleased when they asked him to do a photoshoot for a local fashion brand, up and coming worldwide, apparently. Yamato did not care much about fashion, despite him being called the best dressed racer a few years in a row. Not that he knew about it, plus he usually put on an all-black outfit and he was through.

“Why can’t Lechner do it?”

“They want you specifically, Ishida.” His manager said softly, “even the Japanese embassy is paying for this partnership. Aren’t you proud to be Japanese?”

“Of course, I am, asshole.” He smirked, rolling his eyes as he decided it was the perfect timing to visit his brother.

As expected, he was on a tight schedule, this could never count as a vacation visit to Japan, but he had asked his team to send him into Japan two days earlier to visit his family. It was a tradition he tended to do ever since he started racing world-wide.

He took his ever-loved motorbike and drove as fast as he could to Odaiba. Driving a motorbike had been what he could call his hobby, since karting had turned into his job, having built a couple of them while living in Italy.

“He better be home,” he stretched his arms as he opened the door in front of him, knowing damn well his brother always made the mistake to leave it unlocked. He heard him singing in his bathroom, which meant he was finishing taking a shower. He looked around to confirm his mother was not home and shrugged it off. He had drifted apart from her when he initially moved to France with his grandparents, and even more so when his parents (finally) got divorced.

“Don’t you dare opening that door if you’re naked.”

“YAMATO?” Takeru opened the door wearing nothing but his tiny white trousers.

“I truly do not feel like seeing you naked,” but of course his younger brother could not care less and ran to greet him with a hug. He was the only person on earth allowed to hug him.

“What a funny way of admitting how much you had missed me!!” He gifted him one of his traded white smiles, the warmest smile Yamato knew. “Nervous for this weekend?”

“As long as it doesn’t rain, I don’t see why I should be.”

“Even when it rains you succeed, you’re always making everyone proud!”

“Even you?” he served himself oolong tea. He was surprised to see beer in his mom’s fridge, forgetting for a second his younger brother was legally allowed to drink.

“You know I’m your number one fan, those old-rich men are nothing compared to the original Yamato Ishida stan!” Takeru walked into his room to get dressed, for Yamato’s relief. He had offered his mother if they wanted to move to a bigger apartment, considering he now had the money to provide her and Takeru with something better, but she had refused, and he gave up after the third time.

“Going out?”

“I was going to, with the good-old gang, but that was before I knew you would pay me a visit.”

“So Hikari and company, I’m guessing?”

“Yeah, even Taichi is coming, you should come, too!” Taichi was his oldest friend, the only one he missed when he moved to Europe.

“Nah, you know I don’t drink.” And it was not merely because of his strict diet, he was not a fan of what alcohol did with his mindset. “But you go and have fun, I must get back to my place, anyway, and be as early as possible in Suzuka tomorrow morning.” Takeru looked disappointed, Yamato felt a pinch of guilt for not being what a fun older brother was supposed to be. “But I’ll text Taichi! Remind everyone they’re invited this weekend, VIP seats and all!”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, brother.” Yamato smiled softly before playing with Takeru’s hair like he used to when they were kids, even if he was almost his height.

He took a chopper ride from Tokyo to Suzuka the morning after. He had much rather taken the train, but Ferrari strictly prohibited him from doing so.

“Are you insane? People would eat you alive, you’re pretty much as famous as Hello Kitty is in this place!” He ignored his comment, it was always annoying to Yamato when they were in Japan, because most of his team-mates were foreign to Japanese culture, and he did not have the patience to educate every single one of them.

It was Thursday, which meant he could do strength exercises before the testing race the next day.

“How’s my superstar doing?” the mere voice of his manager irritated him, but he had another year signed up to him, afterwards he had decided to work by himself. After all, he still had another three-year contract with Ferrari.

“He’s extremely focused,” and he was strength training was the hardest to him.

“Don’t forget you have that photoshoot I had mentioned you in an hour, and I wouldn’t like you to go there all sweaty.”

“Do you think I would forget?” but in fact, he had forgotten it, his mind had probably erased the memory of that specific event.

“I’m glad we’re finally on the same track,” he winked at Yamato, before shutting the door of the hotel’s gym.

Yamato did not have much of a choice, so he took a cold shower before heading to one of the hotel’s meeting rooms. It had all been transformed for it to look like a Sakura garden. In reality, it was October and Sakura’s were far from blossoming. He would be lying if he did not admit it looked rather breathtaking.

He had heard about this up-and-coming brand. They had turned the Japanese typical attire and turned it into mainstream. He had to admit he was a fan.

He had also heard the brand had been started by a young student from Bunka Fashion College, under the wings of a bigger brand. He had heard, not that he cared, really, that the founder was around his age. Suddenly, he was curious.

“Ishida Yamato, what a pleasure to finally meet you!” a man around his thirties greeted him rather enthusiastic.

“You must be…?”

“Oh, you’re a funny one! Yoshio Fujiwara, of course!” And the Fujiwara branding was the bigger one who had taken the young designer under his wings, he wondered where she was.

“Of course, of course,” he bowed, always traying himself to remain close to his Japanese customs and traditions. “A pleasure to meet you, Fujiwara-san.”

“No need to be formal with me, I’m very used to western traditions, having spent most of your life in Europe, I would have killed for an opportunity like that!” Yamato tried his best not to roll his eyes, faking his best smile. “It is our biggest pleasure that you have accepted to be the face of our newest collection.” Yamato saw a petit figure running around the room with pieces of clothing covering her, he wondered if that was Fujiwara counterpart.

“It’s always delightful to put Japan’s name high, you know.” He cleared his voice, “so, am I also going to meet Takenouchi-san?”

“You absolutely will, she must be somewhere around… Sora!?” The fast-paced person finally stopped, uncovering her face from the piles of clothing she was carrying. “Don’t be rude and introduce yourself to Yamato.”

“Sure thing, just let me finish up the final touches and…”

“Now?!” Yamato noticed a subtle sigh coming from her lips. She surely seemed young, barely his own age. For the first time since the encounter started, he felt safe.

She ran right next to him, her attention still clearly on the mess she had left. He could immediately tell how passionate she was about what she was doing.

“It’s a pleasure, Ishida-san. I would love to lie and say I’m a fan, but truth is this is my first time having an encounter with races, or cars in general…”

“Sora! You’re being rude!”

“Sorry, I still take the subway and I never got a driver’s license!” Yamato snorted, in those five seconds he decided that redhead was his favorite person in the room.

“Well, I’m glad to admit this is not my first encounter with your brand, I’ve read so much.” Her eyes lit up; Yamato could have even sworn he spotted a subtle blush in her face.

He was rather awkward in front of the cameras, never quite a natural. Another reason why his team-mate was the one to do most of Ferrari’s advertisements. But Sora helped him feel in his element, somehow. He liked how much she got into her character, almost ignoring him by how much she cared on how her designs looked on him.

“I think we’re good, we shouldn’t take much more of your time.” By then, Fujiwara had left the room, Sora was certain he had slipped into the hotel bar.

“That must have been the less stressful photoshoot I’ve ever had, thank you, Takenouchi-san.”

“Oh, don’t call me that! I’m not older than you are.”

“Then you must accept to drop the formalities with me as well.” A grimaced appeared on her face, clearly unsure.

“But you’re a client, that would be completely unprofessional!”

“I promise I won’t tell anybody,” Sora liked that, a dirty-little-secret.

“Fine, but if Fujiwara is around, I’ll go back in character.”

“Deal,” Yamato grabbed a bottle of water and doubted if he should say what his mind was begging at him to do. “Are you staying for the race?”

“I wasn’t lying when I said I had no idea how this worked.” She shrugged, clearly embarrassed. “I don’t understand why it lasts so many days, it’s confusing. This whole sport is confusing.” Sora liked sports, for instance, sports where a ball had to go from one side of the court to the other, not cars and tires.

“It’s not that hard, you’ll see,” they took a seat on the fake grass Sora had built for the photoshoot. “The first day is merely for us to get familiar with the track, nothing formal. The second day the places for the actual race, which is on Sunday, get settled. And that’s pretty much it.”

“And you get to travel the world for that?”

“People can be very serious about their cars.”

“Incredible,” she locked eyes with Yamato, she was not familiar with his sport but she sure was with his face, and not only because it was everywhere she looked around the city’s billboards, but because she had studied it for the whole photoshoot, and even for the particular line she was about to launch.

“It would be fun if you stayed, some friends around our age are coming too, so it won’t be that weird for you.”

“Okay, but I’ll stay for fun, not as a part of my job schedule.”

“Great!” He said way too enthusiastic, regretting it right away. “I can get you great tickets, so don’t worry about that.” She chuckled, taking out her VIP pass.

“Don’t worry, I have that part settled.”

“Of course, you do,” he felt stupid, all sponsors got the best tickets, even better than he could even get most times.

“So, I’ll see you around? Do you say break a leg for this?”

“Absolutely not! But I appreciate your luck wishes.”

He was glad on Friday’s there was never much of a crowd, that way he could stay focused on what mattered: getting comfortable enough with the track. Whenever he raced, he felt an almost out of body experience, where he could disconnect from his current reality and be one with his car. Ferrari had nicknamed him the racing samurai, for how dramatic his recovering could be whenever he was behind on the race.

Japan had never particularly been the biggest crowd when it came to Formula 1, but ever since he had started getting podiums, and making a name out of himself, it had a 180 degrees change. Ferrari could not be happier with the now 23-yeard-old racer, he was smart, analytic, and cold headed.

When he got back to the Pits, he was greeted by his family, not expecting to see them until the day after.

“You were pretty fast out there!” his dad said, as awkward as he usually was.

“This was merely the boring race, we were just testing the track,” he smiled widely, greeting him by what could be considered a hug, or sort of one.

“But Hiroaki is right, you were extremely fast. That car you’re racing, is a beauty,” seeing his mother was always an adventure for Yamato. Ever since he left home, at such a young age, they had drifted apart. Naturally, she was worried for her older son, racing and putting his life at risk every time he did so. Yamato had heard her fighting with his grandpa countless times, until she finally gave in. She was never going to win, Yamato loved karting the same way she loved writing.

“You were tremendous there, superstar!” his manager came to greet him, as much as he annoyed him, he was not a bad person, he just clearly loved the money Yamato made him gain. “You better keep up the pace the rest of the weekend.”

“That’s the plan,” Yamato served himself a cup of tea, while he took a seat in front of the screen that was studying his track performance. He was nearly obsessed with improving, never not paying attention at even the slightest mistake.

“Before I forget,” his manager was French, and spoke a very heavily accented English. His family, apart from Takeru, barely spoke any English at all, hence why they did not communicate with one another. Yamato despised that, considering he could speak four languages. “Young Takenouchi asked me to give you her number, Romeo.” Yamato’s cheeks flushed, as he took with both hands the business card he was being given.

“I’ll quickly go to my room,” he excused himself with his family, promising he would meet them for a quick dinner.

He wrote and re-wrote his text message towards Sora, not wanting to appear desperate. Formula 1 drivers, at least some of them, had the reputation of being more than successful with the opposite sex, however Yamato was rather unlucky. He put so much effort into his performance inside the track, he tended to neglect everything else. Hence why it felt nice to have a close to normal conversation with someone his age, a woman his age.

“This is Yamato, I heard the rumor you wanted to have my number,” he finally sent, wanting to throw his phone over the window right after.

“How come we spent so much time talking yesterday and I had to ask your manager for your number?” she replied right after, Yamato felt relieved.

“I guess we lost track of time.”

“Hey, I had to come back to Tokyo, business matters. But I’m not one to break any promises, so I hope you still save a seat for me for the big race on Sunday. Did I say that correctly?”

Yamato immediately felt disappointment, but he had to understand he was not dealing with someone unoccupied; this was a young entrepreneur with a worldwide successful fashion brand.

“Are you sure you want to make a four-hour trip to see some car racing?”

“As I said, I’m not a promise breaker. Plus, is not Formula 1 supposed to be the best car racing in the world? I won’t miss it, and I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry, and your spot on Scuderia Ferrari will remain untouched.”

“Great, I’m actually pretty excited! You have turned it into such a big deal for the country, I’ve never seen such a media coverage on the sport before. How was the tracking test?”

Yamato’s stomach made a turn. He did not want to focus on the pressure it meant to be in his home country, he just wanted to do what he always did, which meant to give his 100% performance, and get better every time. He just really hoped it would not rain on Sunday…

Him and Sora kept texting for the rest of the day, and the morning after as he got ready for the weekend’s second race. His goal was to qualify on the front row, that was always a determining factor for the final race. His mom had been right when she mentioned his car was a beauty, because it may not be the fastest car, that would still go to Mercedes, but if Ferrari had something no other team could fight with, was beauty.

He was not one to make many friends, but he was always amicable with the rest of the drivers. He saw them more than he saw his family, and even grew up with a big amount of them, but he always tried to focus on what they really were: his competition.

The weather so far had looked hopeful, a rainy race was one of his biggest fears, he had already had more than one rainy accident, and they had been hard to get over. He tried not to put too much thought into it, how he put his life at risk every time he got into the car, because there was no point in doing so, considering he was not going to stop, racing was the most important part of his life.

He got behind his wheel and his team assured his car was ready to go for the last time, and he got into driving mode, forgetting everything else, the pressure, the people, the weather, his friends. He almost disassociated from everything, but the track, and his team speaking whenever there was something to say, like which place he was on at the moment.

He had gotten so used to Ferrari, after being over two years on the team, that he could go as far as to describe its motor as a part of him. The first few laps were always the most stressful ones, and were most of the accidents happened, everyone tried to gain that valuable P1 as fast as possible, but Yamato thought of it as a waste of energy, he would rather stay behind for the first few laps and give it all in after. It had worked for him so far, avoiding the turmoil behind it.

There were 53 laps in the Japanese track, not that he counted them, but he always studied the tracks of wherever he was at. He just focused on staying in track, passing the rest of the drivers and being fast, and his team made sure he did not forget where his position was at the moment, which was a P5, his teammate was currently second. Fifth was not a bad position, it was still second row, but it was not his goal, he truly wanted first row. In the end he had managed to end up fourth, which his team congratulated him for, he still was not happy.

Back in Ferrari’s box, he had a bigger crowd greeting him, not only his parents and brother, but some of his closest childhood friends.

“Man, how does it feel to be able to fly!” Taichi said before giving him a big hug, which Yamato did not mind, he guessed he was also allowed to hug him.

“What I wonder is what that amount of speed can do with your body, I read you lose up to 3 liters every time you race,” Joe patted his shoulder, the soon-to-be-doctor never missed to drop a random anatomy fact on him. “And sorry, but it seems to Koushiro your car’s machinery is way more impressive than you.”

His third friend, a genius redhead, had been talking non-stop with his team’s engineers, asking questions Yamato could possibly never answer.

He spent the next few hours doing interviews, as much as he hated them, it was on his contract to do them before and after every Grand Prix. He also took more time studying his career, and where he could improve. He wanted to get podium on his home country more than he had ever wanted before.

But of course, he also took the chance to spend some time with his loved ones, catching up about their crazy adult lives.

“Koushiro could soon enough buy one of these teams, you know? He’s getting so rich!” Taichi had a big mouth, but they had gotten used to it. And to be fair with his brunette friend, he was not wrong, considering Koushiro’s software startup had gotten public, and the dude was only 22.

“And Jou’s about to be a doctor, and you, well, you didn’t get kicked out of Uni!” They all laughed, Taichi rolled his eyes. Yamato had gotten so comfortable with their conversation, he got scared when his phone began ringing.

“Yes?”

“Guess who’s just landed in Suzuka!” it was Sora, his heart skipped a beat. “I’m glad I made it a few hours before I had promised, I truly didn’t want to miss tomorrow’s race.”

“Where are you exactly? You should come join us! I’m at Ferrari’s tent with some childhood friends, I mean, if you’re not too tired.” His friends started yelling embarrassing things to him, as friends did whenever you spoke on the phone with someone, even if that someone was your own mother. Except, of course, it was not his mother.

“Great! I’ll ask the driver to drop me off.”

They spent the next few hours chatting, and laughing, and making fun of Yamato with embarrassing stories Sora was rather intrigued to keep on listening. Of course, Sora had hit it off with his friends, she was a great talker, they all had liked her, he could tell, especially with Koushiro, considering the man was the clearest book when it came to first impressions. He felt disappointed once he checked his watch to confirm it was time for him to go to bed, the big day was closer than ever.

Suzuka was one of the last races on Formula 1’s schedule, which meant every single point counted even more. He was disappointed when he checked the weather, there was a rain forecast, but there was nothing he could do, he still was willing to give the best race he had given in his career span. His friends and family wished him the best of luck, just as he dressed up in the famous red suit.

He had never felt this overwhelmed before, as soon as he stepped a foot outside of Scuderia Ferrari’s box, the crowd chanting his name was like nothing he ever heard before. He bowed shyly, turning the shouts even louder. Fame had never been something he had been looking for once he started racing in Formula 1, but he thought at the end of the day it was only inevitable. He really wanted to make his co-nationals proud.

P4 was not a bad place to start racing, yet he could hear his heart beating up to his ears. A rainy race was always messy, and there was always a bigger risk for accidents, not just for him, but for the other racers as well. He had to drive smartly; speed was not all that mattered in that moment.

His eyes were fixated on the checkered flag, as soon as it went down, his feet went all in. Suzuka’s Grand Prix finally starting.

As it was expected, some cars lost control on the very first curve, him being noticed by his team on the other side of the microphone. He hoped nothing bad had happened to them. On a rainy race it was important to have extra control while reaching a curve, and absolutely never trying to overpass another racer while on them.

By lap 30 he had improved to P3, the engine of the previous third place had had some issues, which pushed him into the pits. The Ferrari engine had significantly been improved for the current season, and it showed. It had been a while since the red team had had both of their cars in podium position, and he was doing quicker laps than the last year’s race.

Everything appeared to be going according to plan, Yamato wanted to win, of course, but he was not unhappy with the third place. Yet, the unthinkable happened on lap 49, when his teammate lost control of the steering wheel. It all happened so quickly, Yamato could barely avoid the inevitable crash, which was bad enough for them to call a red flag, every racer had been sent back into pits.

His teammate had been fine, he could even walk by himself; however, his car could have been confused with garbage. A shame, really, everything had been better than what they could have imagined. Now every podium expectation fell on his shoulders, and he could hear the public screaming his name even louder, as if he was some sort of rock star.

“Only 4 laps left, you can do it,” and he was now put in second place, a bittersweet feeling inside his gut.

The final lap felt like the longest he had driven, all he truly wanted was for it to end. He was less than two seconds away from the first place, which his team kept repeating. He knew he could do it, if he tried and overtake him near the end, right after the final curve… And so, he did, winning a podium for the first time in his short Formula 1 life career. He had not done it for himself only, but for Lechner as well. It felt insane, he was no longer feeling the ground, he was still flying somehow.

Champagne soaked him as soon as he stepped out of the car, being hugged by everyone on the famous red car team. He was not easily to make cry, but he could not help the tears coming out, and he wished, if he were ever going to cry again, it better be as good of a feeling as he finally lifted the trophy for Suzuka’s Grand Prix.

#fanfiction #digimon adventure #fanfic #ishida yamato #yamato ishida #formula 1 #formula one #sorato #sora takenouchi #takeru takaishi #taichi yagami #jou kido #koushiro izumi

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arlakos · 5 years ago

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Marinette’s list of Parisian Warcrimes (Or why I need to vent about all the bad stuff Marinette has done)

Yeah, I’m doing this.

People be talking on Tumblr about why Marinette is the best character in the show and talking shit about every other character, from Adrien so I think I'll do what I do best and piss off people.

You want another Adrien salt Fic about why he’s a stalker to validate your sensitivity to everything that triggers you?

You want another AU where Chloe goes full-on villain and asshole mode so that you can be just another Astruc stan?

Do you want another Lukanette fanfic because Luka is the ‘Better Adrien’ even though all he does is play a guitar?

TOO BAD! THIS TIME WE BE DOING SOME MARINETTE SALT AND WE GOING IN HARD! WE ARE GONNA BE RUNNING THIS BLUE HAIRED GIRL INTO THE GROUND THE SAME WAY THE FANDOM TREATED THE OTHER CHARACTERS!

THIS IS PAYBACK FOR ALL THE SALT FICS THAT HAVE BEEN FORCED TO SEE THAT DON’T EVEN BOTHER TO USE NATURAL LOGIC!

(And I'm gonna love every bit of it)

So without further ado, Marinette is sentenced to be salted on the following charges:

Having a planner that tracks Adrien's every location/activity so she can stalk him at all times and actively uses (Stormy Weather).

Using her powers to prevent Adrien from dancing with another person (yes, even if that person is Chloe) (Bubbler)

Stealing Adrien's phone (Copycat)

Reading other peoples letters, even if they did throw it in the garbage (Dark Cupid)

Abandoning Paris (Ladybug Origins) (Yes I know people are going to be angry at me especially for this one, but if Everyone gives shit for Chat Noir for doing the same thing in Syren, then Ladybug gets it as well. No double standards on this post)

Literally destroying Max’s hopes and dreams by beating him in a game entering a tournament just so that she could be with Adrien. I don’t care who was better in the game or won, Marinette had no prior interest in the tournament and even knew how much Max wanted to enter, yet still done it anyway the second she realized Adrien was there. Yeah, others will say its cute that she wanted to be with Adrien, but if she really wanted to spend time with him, all she had to do was, you know, ASK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!!! (Gamer)

Ladybug not listening to advice on where the akuma is all because she didn't like Chloe. who made a small lie before to her. Yeah Ladybug, someone making a little lie to save themselves embarrassment is really valid enough of a reason for their opinion and advice to be worth nothing. And it caused another akuma, good for you. (Antibug)

Oooh, a big one...Marinette stalked Lila and Adrien pretty much all day, under the guise of ‘not liking liars’ (yeah right) and once she had a ‘valid’ excuse to pretty much ruin Lila’s chances of wooing Adrien (whether or not she had an actual chance is irrelevant) she transformed into Ladybug and ABSOLUTELY EMBARRASSED HER AND HUMILIATED HER right in front of Adrien, when she could have just pulled her aside and just told her off in private and quietly so that she wouldn’t do it again. When Adrien questions her says she did it with the excuse of ‘not liking liars’. (Volpina)

Not telling Fu who the book belonged too when questioned on where she got it. I get that this was an excuse to prolong the shows run time, but if you were going to bring this up in the show and pretend that what Marinette did wasn’t a big deal, then they shouldn’t have added it in the first place. (The Collector)

Not bothering to tell her grandmother the truth and sneaking off to hang with her friends. (Befana)

Ladybug leading on Chat Noir. If she really didn't want to go, she could have just outright said No and be done with it, instead of just a ‘maybe’. (Glaciator)

Ladybug Literally not telling Chat Noir about the Guardian or where the hell all these heroes are coming from. There was literally no excuse, Adrien didn’t need to wait ‘until he was ready’, he literally became a hero the same time as Ladybug, it wasn’t like he was ‘the new guy’ and Ladybug was ‘the more experienced one’. I can give this to Fu as well, but I still feel that Ladybug should’ve told him regardless from the get go, she trusted a man she hadn’t properly met until 1 season later more than her own partner who stuck with her since day one. (Syren)

Taking pollen away from Chloe... yeah this really doesnt count. I just simply liked Chloe’s face in Malediktator when she saw Pollen again.

Talking shit about Chloe behind her back then acting all friendly to her as Ladybug when she needed her to become Queen Bee. Not really bad, it's just incredibly rude. (Maledictator)

Again, the same shit as Stormy Weather, instead of being punished for having the planner that details every bit of Adriens day to day activities, she gets rewarded by the writers. Not so much a Marinette crime as it is and ASS-truc crime. (Troublemaker)

Snooping through Marcs Private book, annoying him when he wanted to be isolated, and just straight up not having Marc give him the script himself. She could have tried just bringing Marc to Nathaniel and showing him the script together. (Reverser).

Making a lie about organizing a party when she definitely didn’t plan one. Yes, even if she was going to do it afterwards and planned to make the pastries herself for the party. She really is a hypocrite when she comes to lying, even though that’s a personality trait the writer's press is the reason why she hates Lila. (Season 2 Finale-Catalyst and Mayura).

Sabotaging Kagami’s attempts at being with Adrien. (Animaestro)

Marinette telling her Grandpa that rice bread is better than wheat bread. Anybody who has tasted bread would say otherwise. Although to be fair I blame Tom for this and this isn’t really as bad as the others (Bakerix)

Marinette throws Chat under the bus by pretending she loves him and leaving him to face Tom when the entire thing was her fault. I know she did it to protect her identity, but it still was an ass thing to do, and Chat found Marinette in her own house, Marinette could have used any excuse, including but not limited to, baked goods. (Weredad)

Marinette... LITERALLY... TRIED TO BREAK INTO ADRIEN’S HOME... ALL BECAUSE LILA WAS THERE...if the fireman was smarter than most other characters in the show he could’ve literally called the cops on her, leading to her getting arrested and Gabriel (or even Adrien) filing a restraining order against her. That and she steals Juleka’s bike. Not cool dude. (Oni-Chan)

Marinette not making it very clear to Chloe that she can’t get the miraculous back under any circumstances due to her exposed identity, especially after Chloe claims she’ll need them again. (Miraculer)

Marinette sneaks into the boy’s party despite wanting bro time, all because she wanted another botched attempt to confess to Adrien. (Party Crasher)

THAT CREEPY SCENE WITH THE ‘ADRIEN WAX STATUE’. I dont want to talk about it. You know which one I'm talking about. If you don’t, thank god, but IF YOU THINK THAT WAS CUTE IN ANY WAY OR THAT ITS ADRIEN FAULT BECAUSE HE STOOD STILL, YOU NEED TO GET YOUR HEAD CHECKED. (god i still have nightmares) (Puppeteer 2)

Not really a crime, but talking literally all the miraculi when you only needed a few. What would happen if she screwed up and Hawkmot got all the miraculous, or lost a few for the Akuma to obtain? (Kwamibuster)

Marinette (or Lady Noire) being an absolute dick to Misterbug during the entire time they were fighting Reflekdoll, insulting Misterbug for misusing his power when she does the same thing and claiming Misterbugs usual job is ‘easy’. Yeah...no. Fuck you Lady Noire, go eat a cataclysm to the face (Reflekdoll)

Marinette sabotaging Friendship day for Kagami just because she didnt want the latter to see Adrien.. at all. (Ikari Gozen)

Claiming Adrien is a good guitarist when Luka is an actual one. Not a crime, just dumb (Desperada)

Giving a Miraculous to Adrien when she can’t even control herself around him and could be distracted (Desperada)

Being too cute in that picture Marinette and Adrien sleeping together on the train. Yes i know this isn’t a crime, i do like some stuff about her, i just think the pic is really cute. (Startrain)

(Look at it, they’re adorkable. Awww....)

(Wait, aren’t I supposed to be salty?)

NOW, for the biggest crime of them all...

Literally not confessing to Adrien even once. Aside from the fact its turned the ‘romance part’ of the show into a joke, Marinette not telling Adrien the truth already or lying about her feelings is the reason we have the ‘Marinette is just a good friend meme’. No wonder he thinks you are ‘just a friend’. THAT’S ALL YOU HAVE BEEN TELLING HIM.

My evidence? EVERY SINGLE EPISODE!!!

...

Ahhhh. Much better.

Well, now that I have successfully gotten rid of all that anger and salt and manifested it into a physical memento of my anger for this show and its main character, I’m going to relax while people get mad and triggered that I insulted the ‘Perfect Marinette’ and leave me angry messages. For all those that listened and don’t hate me or even agree with what I have said, thanks for reading my large amount of vented writing. I hope you have a pleasant day.

Let's hope for season 4 of Miraculous to be better now that Zag is back. The fandom knows we don't need another salty season.

#Miraculous Ladybug #Season 1 to 3 #ML salt #A lot of salt #Marinette salt #Probably a lot of Marinette hate #AND FOR GOOD REASON #A bit of writer salt as well #A lot of ASS-truc Salt #Miraculous Ladybug salt

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wetalkinboutbooks · 5 years ago

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A Torch Against the Night by Sabaa Tahir

Summary: Elias and Laia are running for their lives. After the events of the Fourth Trial, Martial soldiers hunt the two fugitives as they flee the city of Serra and undertake a perilous journey through the heart of the Empire.

Laia is determined to break into Kauf—the Empire’s most secure and dangerous prison—to save her brother, who is the key to the Scholars’ survival. And Elias is determined to help Laia succeed, even if it means giving up his last chance at freedom.

But dark forces, human and otherworldly, work against Laia and Elias. The pair must fight every step of the way to outsmart their enemies: the bloodthirsty Emperor Marcus, the merciless Commandant, the sadistic Warden of Kauf, and, most heartbreaking of all, Helene—Elias’s former friend and the Empire’s newest Blood Shrike.

Bound to Marcus’s will, Helene faces a torturous mission of her own—one that might destroy her: find the traitor Elias Veturius and the Scholar slave who helped him escape…and kill them both. (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings:

→ Geena: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

→ Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Overall: Sabaa Tahir manages to avoid the second book curse with A Torch Against the Night, she picks up where she left off in An Ember in the Ashes (our review). Laia and Elias have escaped Blackcliff, Helene and the rest of the Masks are after them, and Darrin has yet to be saved. Everything that could go wrong DOES go wrong, but then at the same time, we get some wholesome moments in this book and overall we LOVED IT!!!

~ Spoiler-full review below

The Good:

→ Laia

Kae: Laia. Our sweet little angel. She can never do anything wrong ever in life. We love her and we stan. She has broken Elias out of Blackcliff and now they’re on the run! It’s a hot ass mess. She and Elias escape through some catacombs or whatever, and they end up at an old Veturius warehouse where Keris, Elias’ evil ass mother is waiting for them. They battle it out! CLASH SLASH SLASH! Swords and scims are SWANGIN. They knock Keris out, tie her up, and get away. But… Keris done got a little slice in and cut Elias. Now he’s sick, seizing, and passed TF OUT. So while he and Laia are on this journey, taking care of him the whole way through. Things are getting worse and Elias is getting WORSE. So she takes a risk and goes to a sketchy town to find meds for him. The destination to find safety and also rescue her brother, Darrin is going to take a long longer than she anticipated.

Geena: Kae got the start of the book really well, and like she mentioned we find out the Keris managed to cut Elias with a throwing star (lmao I THINK) which was poisoned. But Elias doesn't let Laia know that he’s been poisoned by a chemical that has no cure and that he’ll just end up slowly and painfully dying 😭 LAIA THO? She thinks of everything she can to help him, like going into a shady town full of mercenaries and killers to find him an antidote that she thinks might work. Does that backfire? Yes. But did she try her best? HELL YES. Laia makes a lot of mistakes in this book, but rather than wallowing in some sort of self-pity she takes shit into her own hands and learns from her screw-ups and I really loved how Sabaa handled her. A lot of people drag Laia down and compare her to Helene, and I think I mentioned this in our last review too that those comparisons aren’t right because:

Helene is a trained soldier, and she got white feminists antics so please…

Laia literally has had no training but she (with Elias) manage to outsmart Helene and other Masks so like…..

Anyways, I love Laia and I’ll fight ANYONE who talks shit about her. Scratch that, Elias will manifest and beat the shit out of anyone that talks shit about Laia. Like even when she was hanging out with Keenan, Elias was like ‘If it weren’t for my love for Laia I would have murdered your ass’ just because he suspected Keenan of being a snake (and he was right…). But yea, in Book 2 Laia takes command of what happens and starts formulating her own plans along with help from her companions, and she doesn’t let any backfired plans stop her (even when Izzy died 😩). When Elias is captured and imprisoned she plans to break out both him and her brother, and through quick thinking, she and Elias are able to devise a plan which obviously goes to shit but still ends up working out... So Laia haters… how my ass taste?

→ Ilyaas and the Tribes

Kae: Geena summed up Laia perfectly! So now we’re going to talk about Ilyaas and the tribes. Elias, as we all know, was abandoned by his mother when he was a baby. She left him in the desert for the tribes people to find instead of just killing him, which she deeply regrets. SO!! Elias is not his birth name. His birth name is Ilyaas, which is the name given to him by the tribes people. They are who Elias considers to be his real family. He has siblings, a mother (Mamie Rila), friends, and more, who he grew up with before he was taken to go to Black Cliff. Here is where Ilyaas feels the most comfortable with himself and his surroundings. He feels his safest when he is with the tribes. He had kept in contact with them his whole life and continued to do so even after being on the run which is why they ended up back with the tribes. They took him in and consider him family and when they met Laia, they instantly loved her. Especially Mamie Rila, who thought she had “GOOD BIRTHING HIPS” LMAOOO SHE WILD FOR THAT ONE. Anyway, when Elias and Laia show up as fugitives, they know they have to hide them. So Mamie Rila and family keep them hidden. When the Martial’s come riding the camp and looking for them, they figure out a distraction. Mamie Rila calls a big meeting during a special ceremony in which she gives a speech. During the speech, she riles everyone up and shit talks to Martials and what they did to Elias and how they are ruining society. This gives the tribal people the motivation to cause a big enough riot for Elias and Laia to book it! Elias runs into Helene during their escape and they meet for the first time in weeks, possibly months. Helene is stunned, but Elias tells her he is sorry and he misses her. After a good fight, Elias gets the best of Helene. She ends up letting them get away.

Geena: Kae really hit all the points! I really liked how Sabaa mentioned that Elias’ (Martial) grandpa changed his name from the given Ilyaas and anglicized it for Martial society (shoutout to Colonialism ha ha). But Ilyaas and his connection with his family is one of the things that sets him apart from other YA protagonists I’ve noticed, he’s genuinely a good person and it’s because he was raised in such a loving and caring environment and my hort 🥺 In this book he stays on the same trend of always getting into shit bc he’s a good guy, he’s vowed to help Laia break out Darrin but then shit goes down… The poison killing him sends him to the Waiting Place (essentially a purgatory) where he meets the Soul Catcher (Shaeva) who helps him come to terms with the fact he’s dying. Through Ilyaas we also learn about what lead to the creation of the Nightbringer (how the Shaeva helped some Scholars essentially destroy a thriving Jinn community r.i.p.). This is spread throughout the book and really enhances Sabaa’s worldbuilding and we loved it! Also, we can’t forget the rawest lines throughout the whole series which was said in this book:

“You are my temple. You are my priest. You are my prayer. You are my release.”

LIKE HELLO?????????????????????????????????????? When Elias realized he only had a month left to live and that he’d move faster without the tribal folk, he leaves Laia and whispers that to her while she’s asleep and SHE DOESN’T EVEN HEAR IT BRO?? Anyways, Elias leaves to bust Darrin out himself but things happen and he ends up imprisoned, but still manages to get to Darrin and finds out that KEENAN’S BITCHASS ISN’T WHO HE SAYS HE IS.

Kae: Also when Elias breaks into the prison he’s almost immediately caught by the Warden who experiments on the prisoners. These prisoners are mostly the scholars. So the Warden recognizes Elias from when he has to patrol the prison when he was younger. When the Warden recognizes Elias, he puts him in prison and it begins to torture him. But Elias ain’t no bitch so he handles that shit like a MAN!!! Whenever the Warden is done with Elias he sends in a little Scholar boy to clean him up. The boy continues to clean Elias up and be nice to him and Elias is like “I love this child as if he were my own. I will kill ANYONE who does him HARM and there will be MURDER.” And so like, Elias is a softie and once again, genuinely a good person that is out in bad situations.

Geena: Elias engaged dad mode in the middle of a torture chamber, imagine what’ll happen if he and Laia ever have children….

Kae: Need me a man like Elias ngl asdfghjkl. BUT LIKE. HE’S LIKE “my new son… what is your name?” And the little boy is like “Puhpa.. I have no name*insert sad eyes here*” So Elias names him Tas. Tas helps him break out of prison with Darrin. But Elias dies as they’re escaping and he goes to the Waiting Place and he makes a deal with Shaeva to take her place so she can move on to the next life, then BOOM. He’s alive again and wakes back up in the prison.

Tas: Yo wtf wake yo big ass up. I, a six year old, have been carrying you.

Elias: LMAOOO my bad I was dead. Let’s roll.

And so they escape with Darrin and Laia and the rest of the Scholars. And Kauf burns down.

The Bad:

→ Keris

Geena: Keris may not be a good person or a good mother but at least…………………………… I was trying to think of something good to say about her but this bitch really is all trash. Like she finds some sort of sick joy in killing her own son. Like, why let him live after you gave birth to him only to turn around and torture him. Anyways, we find out some interesting tidbits about how she’s in cahoots with the Nightbringer, who seems to be controlling everything she does. And we also find out that she’s planning a coup against Markus, who is the new and shitty emperor, but because the support behind him is weak Keris is like ‘This will be no biggie’. She finds some sort of sick joy in killing scholars, she wakes up and is like “I eat genocide for breakfast,” and I’m like *monkey side eye* bc who in the fuck... Like I don’t know what she was fed growing up but the concentration of hate and bitterness in this woman is too much… we also find out she had Helene’s torturer, Avitas Harper, spying on Helene throughout the whole book. Keris doesn’t just have eyes in the back of her head, she got eyes on every living surface.

→ Harper

Kae: Harper! I didn’t like him when he was first introduced. I didn’t like the fact that he was beating the shit out of Helene even though I wasn’t exactly a fan of her either but I understood that she had to do what she had to do so she wasn’t a number one on my enemy list just yet. But I hated having to read Harper whoop her ass. I mean, Harper didn’t LIKE doing it. But ya kno… Keris made him do it. Harper started off as a spy for Keris. He was assigned to basically be Helene’s second, so he was to aid her in whatever mission she was sent on , while also reporting everything she did back to Keris. LITTLE DID WE KNOW THO!!! THAT OUR BOY AVITAS HARPER DIDNT FUCK WITH KERIS. He had his own personal motives that we don’t discover in this book. So after awhile he was like “....nah I’m done with that.” So he becomes loyal to Helene. He shows mild displays of not wanting to kill anyone that doesn’t need to be killed (the tribes after they helped Elias escape). He also goes out of his way to make sure Helene eats and gets sleep and has fresh clothes. I think little things like that is how he tries to show his loyalty. He also knows that Helene has a soft spot for Elias and that she doesn’t really want to hurt him. We learned that he has a soft heart and is a pretty cool dude. He really just wants to help Helene in any way that he can. He worries for her.

Geena: Harper has always been a shady character for me, like I didn’t expect Sabaa to turn Helene’s torturer into her love interest… WHEN I TELL U I SCREAMED at all their moments I was LIKE WAT IS THIS but I sat back because I was like imma trust Sabaa. But it was interesting to read Harper be like “Yea, I’m a snake and?” and Helene just accepting it like “This is my life I guess”. But Harper wanting to emulate Elias and being like “Maybe I too will attempt to be a good human being now”... a very interesting development… Also, Im curious to see how Harper (and by extension, Helene’s) stories end… will Sabaa give the soldiers of the state a happy ending… DO they deserve a happy ending 🤔 Will they make up for their war crimes in the series finale? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z.

Kae: ALSO THO. WHEN HELENE TELLS HARPER HE’S A SNAKE, HARPER IS LIKE “Yeah and Snakes survive soooo…”

→ Markus

Kae: So now we have skankass Markus. Markus used to have a twin brother named Zacharias. Markus killed Zacharias in the first book during the trials and now his twin brother haunts him and whispers in his ear. People claim that Markus talks to himself when it’s really him trying to get his brother out of his head. After the trials, Markus became Emperor. He is a tyrant and is killing whoever gets in his way. Markus is doing everything in his power to stay relevant because he is a very unliked by literally everyone in this society. He is a Plebeian and that is one of the lower ranking caste in this world. The Martials don’t like that someone of a lower rank is in charge of all of them so they want him off of the throne. He also has a lust/hate thing for Helene and tries to belittle and make her uncomfortable as much as possible. He also absolutely hates Elias and has ordered Helene to kill him. Markus ALSO arranged to marry Helene’s sister, Hannah. Hannah is kind of a bitch so she’s down with the shits to get back at Helene. Why she hates Helene? I seriously don’t know. In the end, Markus is like “So you didn’t kill Elias? *evil laughter* Well, since I can’t kill YOU, Helene, I’ll kill your family” so he slices the neck of Helene‘s parents and his fiancé, Hannah. He leaves Livia (Livvy) alive and married her instead. Ngl, that part made me so sad I got tears in my eyes. That was so fucked up dude. That’s when I KNEW Sabaa didn’t fuck around. I’m convinced she wants no survivors in the end lmaopleasedontdothatSabaa.

Geena: Oh yea like Markus is nasty as Kae outlined, he could’ve been Keris. But unlike Keris, Markus is a dispshit with no braincells (bc they died with his brother). He’s a disgusting human being who assaulted Laia back in book one and has been implied to have done that to other scholar slaves 🤢 AND LIKE …….. HELENE KNEW THIS……. AND SHE KNEW HER SISTER WAS TOO GOOD FOR HIM…. So, imagine her horror when her favourite sister is forced to marry him….. I guess he was “smart” for marrying her favourite sister and realizing that was the only way to control Helene to get her to do what he wanted. bUt das it.

The Ugly:

→ Keenan’s Fugly Ass. Bitchass. Manipulating ass.

Geena: Do you know…. Do you know how much denial I was in??? All through book 1 and majority of book 2, I was like FUCK KEENAN but seeing how Laia was into him I was like *angry pingu meme* LIke FINE FINE, I’ll like him because Laia likes him and I just want him to be happy. SO, I ACCEPTED THAT KEENAN AND LAIA WAS THE IT COUPLE… And like did I skim over the part where they got nasty? Kinda. But i was like okay fine, Laia loves him and he’s helping her. But then the big reveal…. THIS MANS WAS PLAYING HER THE WHOLE TIME??? HE WAS NEVER KEENAN, THE SCHOLAR REBEL, THIS HOE WAS THE NIGHTBRINGER THE WHOLE TIME??????? He’d played Laia into developing feelings for him, JUST SO that he could take the armlet that he mother had given her. Which, we find out, is an important part of some weapon that the Nightbringer needs to bring about the apocalypse or some shit. And, he can only take the weapon if it’s given out of love. This implies he was in love with Laia too, but I’d fight that bitch like hOW DARE YOU????

Kae: You skipped the nasty scene!? LMAOOO I WAS SHOOK BUT ALSO MAD BUT ALSO LIKE OKAY WHATEVER. I WAS A HARDCORE LAIA X ELIAS SHIPPER FROM THE START! But like, same. I was like “If Laia is happy with Keenan, then I’ll be happy too.” But maaaaann…

Geena: I WANTED TO GIVE KEENAN BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT OKAY, AND LIKE SABAA really subverted my expectations because usually in YA only the true love interests end up getting nasty so I was like… I guess this is it! But she was like “SIKE!!! YOU THOUGHT!!!” Anyways, I still don’t think this series should be YA but whatever...

Kae: GORL I WAS SEETHING WITH HATRED!!!!!!! AT THAT REVEAL!! I WAS SO FUCKING MAD. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!! I LITERALLY HATE HIM. Def shouldn’t be YA. But, here we areeee!

Kae: I just wanted to say that I hate Keenan/ The Nightbringer with a BURNING PASSION. I hate when guys trick women into trusting them so that they can sleep with them and get what they want. That pisses me off to the highest degree I think it is a scumbag move and he is just a dirty little fucker and I can’t stand him. There is nothing that can represent all of the hatred that I have for Keenan. I absolutely loathe him/The Nightbringer. I hope he suffers.

Geena: Fuck dude, that’s so valid.

Conclusion

Kae: In conclusion, the Nightbringer is a bitch and I HATE HIM.

Geena: SAME! We hate the Nightbringer as much as we love Laia and Elias so there’s that. Sabaa really shows out with the characters she’s crafted from An Ember in the Ashes, takes a baseball bat, and starts beating the shit out of our emotions and her characters at the same time. ANYWAYS, please read this series!

#a torch against the night #Sabaa Tahir #Laia of Sera #Elias Veturius #book review #booklr #bookworm #wetalkingboutbooks #book blog #book blogger #bookblr #books #reading #Helene Aquilla #Avitas Harper #An Ember in the Ashes #instabooks #bookstagram

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smokinholsters · 5 years ago

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The Consequence of Anger - Part 1

This is an AU One Shot in two parts, it takes place about 2 years past 8:4 when Ty hits Ahmed.

“Ms. Fleming ?” The black suited man said to her as she approached with the skycap and several suitcases.

“I’m sorry I’m late, the flight was delayed.” Amy said apologetically.

“We were informed, I’m Bruce and I haven’t been here that long. Let’s get to the car and get you to Hudson.” He said after glancing down at the paper he held.

Amy was quiet and checked her messages. It had been two years since she’d been home and she watched the miles fade through Calgary and then south. She watched the mountains and the trees roll by and sighed. She had no idea what she would do when she got to Heartland.

She hadn’t ostracized herself from her family, they spoke often, rote stuff, nothing deep. Lou and Peter had divorced, she was building a diner in NY, Lisa was now living in the house, Georgie was show jumping again and Ty had an apartment in town.

Ty, they didn’t really talk much and after the 5th or 6th argument she had with him, she couldn’t take it anymore. The finger pointing, his guilt, it was all too much for her, there was nothing she could do. Amy knew when she made the decision that it wasn’t something Ty would ever be able to deal with, the root of his problem with her, her ability to earn. She was wary of it when he told her that he was uncomfortable buying a place on her money, the whole idea that this is what couples do, support each other as employment or circumstances allowed, not Ty, his abuse and the curse of his youth dug deep into his psyche and his needs.

Charger didn’t surprise her, get rich quick was his way out. He overlooked that they had screwed up and she bailed them out by the skin of her teeth. Neither of them offered her a cut, as the rider 15% would have been normal, looking back this fell right into place with other things Ty seemed to not bother thinking about. He lived at a ranch she supported for years, he never seemed to get that, Jack was his savior, it was his ranch, it was mostly Amy’s money.

They made it extremely hard for her to visit and so she opted not to. She saw Lisa twice in Antwerp during her visits to Toulon, her grandfather even came along for one. Lou and the girls came once over the summer.

She vividly remembered the RCMP officers showing up to look for him a few hours after he had hit Ahmed. He wasn’t there of course having driven away without even hearing her out.

They stayed for a few minutes and spoke with the family who reluctantly informed the officer questioning them that Ty had indeed hit the Prince but only after words had been spoken. Shortly after they were forced to admit that Ahmed was leaving when Ty ran out, turned him and hit him, twice.

Bail was set high and the charges piled on. Ahmed was a Prince, a diplomat and very high ranked. He was considered a guest in Canada and his people demanded justice, someone had assaulted their Prince.

She could see the looks on her family’s faces when they deemed to speak with her, especially Jack, her grandfather. Apparently Ahmed’s delusions were her fault.

Walking into the house from the barn she stopped as the conversation going on at the table quieted. They had been discussing what Ty’s lawyer had said “jail time for sure”, how long would be a factor decided by how much other forces outside of Hudson pushed. This was a diplomatic incident with a life of it’s own.

“Amy, how’s that new client horse of yours ?”

“Really Grandpa, do you even care ?”

“What’s that supposed to mean ?”

“It means that you were talking about Ty, my fiancé and jail, and when I walk in you stop as if any of this is my fault.”

Jack stared at her.

“Say it dammit, did I come on to him, did we walk naked on the beach, sneak into the stalls, come on what is it you think I did ?”

“Amy, no one thinks that.”

“Then why stop talking ?”

“Amy.”

“What Lou have the words you must have done something have a different meaning now or that they all don’t think it ?”

“I didn’t mean …”

“Of course you did.” Amy said seething. “Dad’s abandoned ship altogether and you all sit whispering, how can we help Ty ? Well you can’t, this is on him, I had quit once before Ahmed flew here and twice more while he was here and before that dinner. How is it my fault Ty did what he did ?”

“The truth might have helped.”

“Lou knew the truth Grandpa, just because you and Ty didn’t is that what this is, did you want to hit Ahmed ? How about Dad ? You’ve never even asked me my side or how I am, I can’t imagine how unimportant that is to you compared to Ty.”

“He’s in jail Amy.”

“I know Grandpa, believe me I know and I’ll remember it every second he is, because no one here will ever let me forget it. I won’t be joining you for dinner by the way, you can continue this after I’ve changed.”

“Where are you off to ?”

“To deal with a problem.”

She left in what could only be described as a business suit with a simple “goodbye” as she passed the dining room table.

She got home late intentionally and packed. She was up early, showered before the rush and then kept to her room. She finally came out rolling two suitcases and parked them at the edge of the kitchen in front of the mud room.

She was dressed in working slacks, a jacket and a crisp white blouse. She wore the same boots she had worn home from Europe weeks before. She actually looked almost exactly as she had looked that day, hair, make-up and all.

“I can be reached at this top number, call or text, if that doesn’t work call the other but only in an emergency and they’ll know where I am and be able to reach me.”

“Where are you going ? When will you be back ?”

“I’m going to Belgium, I have a two year contract with Ahmed’s team as a coach and trainer. Ty will be dropped off about an hour after my limo leaves, all charges dropped. It’s important you text me that you have him at that top number.”

“Amy, what did you do ?”

“I did exactly what you most wanted Grandpa, I’m giving you back your son.”

“You can’t put this on me.”

“I’m not putting this on you, this is on Ty, him alone and his damn temper, but it is the end result you wanted isn’t it ?

“Not this way.”

“This is the only way and it’s done.” She said pouring herself a cup of coffee.

“And what do we tell Ty ?”

“Tell him whatever the hell you want Lou. I can almost guarantee someone will mention the contract before he gets here, my employer will make sure Ty knows he’s won.”

“He’s won what ?”

“Certainly not the filth that statement implies Grandpa, trainer and coach and there’s no guarantee that if he touches me I won’t kill him. I’ll deal with Ahmed.”

“I didn’t imply anything !!”

“I’ve seen the look of disappointment on your face before Grandpa, you and Ty can be disappointed together, it’s easier to point your finger in a crowd.”

“What do I tell dad ?”

Amy laughed “Dad ? Tell him I’ll be back before 10 years have gone by. He gets the same goodbye I got, none at all.”

“Amy, don’t leave bitter.” Lisa said softly.

“Sorry Lisa, bitter’s all I’ve got right now. Can I at least get hugs ?” She asked looking around the table.

Georgie and Katie came in dressed for school and looked around.

“What’s going on, why are you dressed like that ?” She asked looking at Amy.

“I’m leaving back to Europe Georgie, come give me a hug ?”

“That’s it, what about Ty, you’re, you’re just going back to him ?”

Amy just shook her head, “you know, just forget the hugs.”

She turned her back then and reached back to wheel her bags through the mud room.

“Take care of Ty.” She said in tears walking through the door.

Amy sat down on the porch wishing the car would just come and sighed when she saw it seconds later and right on time. She walked down the stairs and heard the voices from the kitchen.

Georgie was speaking “that’s it, you’re just going to let her go ?”

“She signed a contract Georgie.” Lisa said.

“So that’s it ?”

“Georgie enough !!” Jack growled “She did it so Ahmed would drop the charges against Ty, he’s coming home.”

It was mercifully the last thing she heard before the driver closed his door and sat down.

“I’m Stan, Ms. Fleming, Calgary Airport, Air France First Class to Antwerp, I got you a cup of coffee, I was told black.”

“Thanks Stan, how’s traffic ?”

“It shouldn’t be that bad, relax.”

She asked Bruce to drive through Hudson on the way to the ranch, it was a large limo with dark glass and people naturally looked up as it stopped at a light. They drove past Maggie’s and Amy noted both the familiar stores and those that had changed. Heartland on the other hand hadn’t changed at all as they rode though the gate. She hadn’t told anyone she was coming home, her contract employed her by yearly season which was technically less than two years. She didn’t want the hoopla nor did she know what she was going to do though several things crossed her thoughts over the past few months as she drew closer to this moment.

Soon after she had arrived in Europe she came to an agreement with Ahmed. Animosity wouldn’t work with the horses and if he wanted to win he needed to move on and stop acting like a love lorn child. She wasn’t now, nor had she ever been interested in him as anything other than her employer, her team captain and a friend. She also informed him that any chance of that continued friendship was gone. It took Ahmed a month or two but it finally stuck. He didn’t know that by then Amy knew that she and Ty were pretty much at an impasse especially since she would not allow him to visit her, she couldn’t risk that.

Since Amy had virtually no expenses and really didn’t avail herself of much in Europe other than occasional clothing splurges she was arriving home with a tidy sum of money. With salary, bonuses and other side work she was able to do in Europe during brief breaks, combined with the other money from the first tour and Zeus it amounted to several hundred thousand dollars, no where near rich but enough she hoped for a nice down payment on a property assuming they’d grant her a loan on reputation.

She saw Lisa’s Porsche and a truck that must be Jack’s “new” one as the limo pulled up and the driver got out. She looked around and didn’t see anyone in the paddocks but some horses. “Hello boys” she whispered as she spied Phoenix and Harley wandering and grazing along with several others. “Spartan will be home in a few days.”

Lisa walked out onto the porch wiping her hands on a towel and shielded her eyes ready to give directions to the lost driver but paused for a second as Amy stood up and looked at her.

“Amy ?” She cried out dropping the towel onto the rail and rushing down the stairs.

#heartland #heartland-fanfiction #oneshot #twoparts

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soldierallen · 6 years ago

Text

Married. 3

Summary: you're in love with Sebastian and you're one of his three best friends however he finds a women be loves and marries her

Warnings: mostly seb & y/n So it's extreme FLUFF! / cursing / spooning / cheating

Featuring: Sebastian Stan The Reader Henry Cavill, Chris Evans briefly Anthony Mackie Briefly Alexandra Daddrio briefly, Mention of Robbie Amell.

Part 2: (part one will be included in part 2 so if you need the first part just go there!)

This is the night she talked about for months on end, sleepless nights just waiting for everyone to agree to this...a well awaited sleepover like old times in everyones single days, y/n's parents weren't too found of having four boys over at the house however one day when her parents walked in and saw them laying on the couch with her soothing her whilst she cried about a boyfriend breaking her heart they had a change of heart.

A small knock appeared, it was Sebastian.. he looked gorgeous as ever.

"Hi doll" he gave her that amazing smile he always did he dropped his bag pulling her into a hug it's like she took a fresh breath of air knowing he was safe in her arms no one would hurt him, his fiancé of course she hurts him everyday when she says the words "I love you"..

"I can't come to myself and go and and and- sit there like Alex didn't pay y/n to leave and pretend I don't know anything about it" Chris was upset he wasn't happy with Sebastian was distancing himself everyday from him, it was sad he was losing his best friend.

"I think she needs to be alone with him tonight, his wedding is in a few days she needs to talk to him" Henry said they knew they needed time alone

Back To Y/n's house

"Hey seb" she called out in her room the check in her hands she heard his footsteps coming she quickly hid the check her fight or flight response kicking in she whispered to herself "God damn it" she slide the check into the drawer he entered her room both hands holding him on the narrow doorway he looked gorgeous, he had on such beautiful smile on his face his white t shirt bringing out the color of his eyes.

"Henry called they can't make it something happened Chris had a fight with Jen Henry had work, Anthony told me he was free but something came up" Sebastian said, they set her up.. she knew them like the back of her hand

"Well I guess it's just us tonight, pizza a movie ice cream" she laughed getting closer to him the heat radiating off of his body she felt it he was Nervous..? he let go of the door way his arms coming down to hug her "things aren't going to be like this anymore, that sucks and I wish things were different." Sebastian said he was a little taller than her his chin on her head with his eyes closed "You're starting your life don't even think about disappointing anyone or not being good enough everyone loves you the choices you make is what is better for you, I'll always side with you"

"You know you'll never really be out of my life you mean to much to me-" the knock on the door brought her out of her of his words

"pizza!" She said running to the door

"You know we we're having a serious conversation!!" He yelled after her with a laugh he loved this side of her, one second she could tell a poem and the next she was screaming about what gummy bear tasted the best, She laughed getting plates and cups he helped her

"You're such a punk" he said helping her

"ass hat" she nudged his stomach he smelled her perfume as she got close to him "Hey didn't I buy you this perfume" he remembered

"Yeah for my birthday, i wear it all the time." She laughed nervously she thought he wouldn't notice and he did.

After a while they ate, they got in her bed watched a movie together it was warm nice to have someone you love next to you.

Her memories fluttered her mind again

"End your friendship after the wedding"

The words rang into her brain annoyingly she wanted to stop thinking and be with him she couldn't do it. "Hey what's wrong" brought her out of her thoughts quickly they were laying next to each other his arm behind her their heads close

"Its nothing"

He paused the movie fixing his position to see her clearly he laid on his side his hand holding his head up "Tell me what's going on, you know me doll, me and you were always the closest" he wasn't wrong, god his eyes are beautiful she thought for a second she now laid on her side facing him the same exact way

"Okay here's a question, there's a guy I like he's seeing someone else I caught his girlfriend cheating should I tell him or just let it go maybe the girl didn't mean it and I'm ruining it for them you know-"

"I think this girl that you're talking about doesn't deserve a second chance" he put his fingers on her arm running them up and down he didn't realize he was doing it, "I think I love him seb" she was telling him in a sense she loved him, he felt his stomach drop "yeah?"

"I mean he's always been there for me I can't explain the way I feel when am around him it's like butterflies" she smile those butterflies erupting again just looking at him staring into his eyes

"Tell him how you feel don't let that slide, she cheated on him point blank that should've been it from the start"

"Its too late he's in love with her and it was months ago but I feel so guilty for it"

"He'll understand, you feel a certain way about him" he caressed her skin lightly, her body was going to through waves of bliss it was intense he didn't even realize what he was doing to her the more she looked at him the more she felt in love

"You feel a little better?" He asked his fingers still caressing her skin, she nodded laying next to her again back into the position they was in before she stared at the screen and he stared at her for a few moments, his mind now racing; Alex is the one you want.. Right? now you're feeling differently about y/n? After all these years. he mentally wanted his brain to stop talking, as he stared at her she stood half way up "I totally forgot, I have a wedding gift for you" she stood up "wait til the wedding" he said with a smile her stomach just felt sick at the idea she smiled through the pain "I wanted to give it to you now it's going to be very difficult to talk to you that day so," she looked in a drawer by the picture window she stared out into the night sky of NYC it was slightly cold the winter going to end soon, she sighed lightly enough for him not to notice "this movie is horrendous take it off" he laughed at her words taking the movie off and putting on a movie they've watched 100 times, dirty dancing it made them laugh.

"here is your gift, something to remember me by" she laughed, but knowing it was her last days with him crushed her amensely.

"This is your wedding gift, it was on the registion so I just got it it's a... mixer" she laughed he smiled at her "Before you open this one" the small box in her hands, "I want you to know I want the best for you forever, I want you to be happy" she smiled and he hugged her "listen whatever it is I love it already." He opened the small box it was a silver ring the metal looked scratched a little old looking, on the inside it said "something broken could always be fixed"

"Grandpa stan gave me that ring the night we met" she gave a half smile

"You're kidding?" He laughed trying to not cry

"the night I met him he told me you are a special person in Sebastian's life without you he wouldn't be the person he is today give this to him when he needs it most" her heart aches just thinking about the encounter years ago before he passed, sebastian started to let some tears fall "I can't beileve this" words couldn't explain the emotions that he felt,

"Thank you" he said she gave him a tissue "always" they continued to eat ice cream & watch the movie in front of them

"Baby is so pretty I wish i could look like her" she looked into her almost empty carton

"You're prettier" he said with a half full mouth of ice cream, her heart felt full as he was about to speak again his phone rang

it was her.. she rolled her eyes she looked at the screen

"Johnny" and "Baby" were about to have sex..

Sebastian finally got off the phone he let out a breath putting the phone on the side of him "what's wrong" she asked trying to get out of her head from the scene in front of her

"Alex wanted me home so she got mad and went to a friends house apparently- she's embarrassed I'm not there" he stressed out to much "seb you're going to spend the rest of your life with this women one night means nothing" she laughed Sebastian laid flat on the pillow and yanked on her shirt gesturing for her to"lay with him" turning off the lamp next to her and reached over seb's head for the other lamp, the only light that shined through was the tv she laid on her side and looked at Sebastian both underneath the covers is this what love feels like she asked herself in her thoughts she had never felt so intrigued by someone like this.

"Goodnight" he smiled at her his sleepy eyes falling slightly "night seb" she said he was on the left she was on the right, both their back to each other and finally they both drifted off to sleep

She woke up to something she thought she would never wake up to, Sebastian was spooning her. She loved every minute of it reccluctant to actually get up and start her day. His arm wrapped around her waist his hand with the silver ring she had gifted him right around his finger, sitting there for another few minutes until she needed to get up she smiled, however her smile faded.. thinking of the wedding in 5 days she took a fast shower got dressed and ran out the door quickly before he woke up she wanted to bring him food and coffee, and when she got there she saw something she didn't like too much... Alexandra was there with that same guy from the photo a few months ago, her stomach turned, she took another picture of them both standing in line for coffee she tried to hide her face for her not to see however what she didn't know Alex caught her this time, both times y/n saw her wasn't on purpose it's just meant for y/n to know and tell Sebastian but she can't... She won't

she made it back just in time before he would awake

She liked home made coffee while he liked store bought "already made no hustle no hassle" were his words she laughed thinking about the first time he said that, a few texts popped up on her phone

Henry

"How'd the night go?, we wanted to give you guys some time alone sorry we didn't come."

Y/n

"It was fine, there's to much to talk about over text I'll come by the hotel and bring my best friend some food or we could go get lunch?"

"Photo attachment 1: *Alex and that guy* she's cheating on him again!!! 😡😡😡

Henry

"You have to tell him y/n!!! You can't let this go anymore do it before it's too late! bring me lunch and when you go back to work I'll bring you lunch deal"

"Don't be mad I love you"

Y/n

"Henry I can't break his heart"

"I love you to but sometimes you're a jeek

Henry

"You have to y/n it's important it's for his safety if you don't do it by tomorrow I'm gonna do it myself!!!"

"What's a jeek? New internet slang were too old for that also those emoji things are dumb"

Y/n

"I meant to say jerk it auto corrected, emojis are cute? Kinda.."

"Also i almost showed Sebastian the check!my flight or fight response kicked in and I couldn't do it I hate myself"

Henry

"you're an idiot tell me everything later!"

"Hey" a voice was heard which startled her a little she wasn't prepared to have a man's voice heard in her home, she lived by herself it was always quiet

"Hi how'd you sleep?" She asked putting her phone down giving him coffee he looked at it with love in his eyes "i haven't had coffee from this place in months, she makes homemade and it's bad" he drank it and shallowed slowly

"Come here more often I'll buy you ice cream and buy you coffee" she bribed him he looked at her phone that buzzed on the table he pointed to it "answer it" she tried to shake it off "no not right now"

"Is it that guy again David is he bothering you?" He drank the coffee and sat on the stool across from her the island right in the middle of them

"No it's just bussiness stuff" lie, she was getting good at lying to him really it was a photo attachment from Henry, apparently Alex and that guy got a hotel...at Henry's....building.... shit

Henry: *Photo attachment* his name is Robbie Amell, he just checked in to the Hilton she was trying to hide her face I saw her.

Her heart started beating very quickly Sebastian having no idea what was going on, Henry and Y/n caught her cheating she's getting messy.

"I'm gonna go back home" he finished eating he always ate so quick? "NO DON'T GO HOME" good job y/n not obvious at all. "Spend the day with me I'm going to meet up with Henry to have lunch all of us will go have lunch together" why the fuck did she say that that's where she is..... wait MAYBE HE COULD CATCH HER AND WE DON'T HAVE TO LOSE HIM! the idea rang through her brain the moment the words came out of her mouth

"Okay" he wiped his face and hands "I'm going to go shower" "Oh I have that shampoo you like" "the green one?" "Yeah you left it here I never used it" "aww" She let out a nice shaky breath he went in the bathroom she heard the door lock and picked up her phone quickly calling Henry

"How did you see them?"

"Hello to you to"

"Come on Henry"

"I went in to pick up files from the front desk and well I saw them check in because I own the building I'm allowed to look at the check ins" he said he was holding a nervous stance his hand on his hip and the phone in his hand on his ear he was a nervous wreck, you don't beileve something until you see it with your own two eyes

"Yeah we know hot shot you own hotels" she laughed and so did he

"it said Robbie Amell check in for whatever it is 9am/10 early check out later tonight 7:30pm"

"It's 9:30, eleven fucking hours you've got to be kidding me!"

he laughed he tried not to be so nervous but he was

"I'll call you later to let me in"

"Of course, we'll break the news together when she gets caught? Of course"

"Thank you for doing this"

"Only for you, If it was anyone else I would've had to give it a second thought."

Disclaimer: gifs are never mine! I take no credit for them.

Tagged: @hiddlestonstansworld @lovely-geek @imcalledflorence @misz-adrii @escapistdreamer-wishfulthinker @someplxce @coffeebooksandfandom @cuddlesforlashton @weasley16 @ilovethewayyourheartbeats

#bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagine #imagine #sebastian stan fic #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian #stan #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill #chris evans #anthony mackie

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gh0stiegirlie · 7 years ago

Text

The Bike (pt 2) -- Richie Tozier x Reader

Word Count: 5,345

Warning(s)?: Swearing, slight gore & more spooky shit, & rlly just... Richie

A/n: lmao I fucking stayed up till 7 am doing absolutely nothing and just woke up (its 1 pm) and immediately went to post this. I’m actually fucking trash, rip.

Part 1

A few weeks later, both Riches and Y/n's poison ivy had been cured; thanks mainly to Y/n’s new best friend, Eddie. Not only was Richie's face and hands cured, he also had a new bike! Not only that; the bike really did impress Y/n. When he had shown her the bike she broke into a beautiful grin that made Richie even prouder. His confidence and ego became inflated by all the attention Y/n was giving him, and he invited her to ride on it. She had agreed, and hopped onto Richie's bike. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed herself against his back. He nearly suffered another boner, but got lucky since they arrived to their stop quicker due to Riches vigerous paddling.

Once again Richie caught himself close to having a boner as Y/n rode with him, yet was able to narrowly avoid it by arriving at their hangout. The rest of the Losers Club were already there, standing at the edge of the cliff near the quarry. Richie parked his bike near the others, allowing Y/n to get off first before he leaned it against a tree. He pulled off his shirt and pants to reveal his white boxers, which made Y/n laugh.

"You're really rockin' the grandpa trousers, Rich," she teased, taking off her shirt and shorts as well. Richie went wide eyed and pushed his glasses upwards so he could get a better look at her, but by then she was running off towards the others. They had already lined up for a loogie contest, (Which Y/n always won, by the way.) and her streak continued as she beat the boys-- and Bev --once more, not holding back her gloating. "I've won three weeks in a row!! Not that I'm counting or anything." she shrugged with a smile of pride, "Which means I'm picking who's jumping first today!"

All the boys gulped, backing away from the edge. Even though they all met up here two to three times a week and all ended up jumping off the cliff each of those times, they were all still hesitant to jump first. But to be honest, so was Y/n. But she never had to show her fear, since she always won the loogie contests and never had to jump first. Which is why she practiced every night to make sure her loogie was up to par when it came spitting length.

"Hmm... Lets see..." Y/n murmured as she walked around the backs of the Losers, trying to decided which she should push in today. For the past three weeks, she choose Richie to jump first every single time, each time somehow surprising him with a push. It doesn't matter if it was pretending to push someone else and switching to him last second, or if she choose someone else but made Richie follow quickly in suit. Y/n always made sure he was one of the first, and it was adorable the way he would react. He would act annoyed and offended, maybe even swearing her out or just swearing in general as he fell, arms flailing. But they both knew he wasn't really annoyed, because Richie loved feeling Y/n's hands on him and loved when the tables turn and she teased him, and Y/n loved putting her hands on Richie and for once being the teaser, not the teased. So, it was a win-win either way. But today, she wanted to change it up. Surprise Richie in a different way. "Tell us if the water is cold down there or not Billy!" Y/n yelled, pushing Bill off the cliff. The rest of the Losers club jumped after the abundance of stuttering swear words, but Y/n made sure Richie stayed back. "For a change, how about you jump last?" she offered with a sweet, innocent smile that made Richie melt on the inside.

"Sure, why not. I can take a break from being the brave one," he chided.

"Yeah, because being forced to jump by a girl is extremely brave Richie." Y/n replied with a grin. She swiftly kissed the boy's cheek, before turning around to jump in. "See you at the bottom!" she called as she jumped off the cliff.

"What the fuck was that..." Richie asked himself as he gently touched the cheek Y/n had kissed, for once feeling motivated to jump off the cliff. He jumped, excited to see Y/n at the bottom. "Y/n! Where are you, you piece of shit?" Richie yelled once he hit the water, looking around for the girl in his group of friends. Suddenly he was dunked under water, Y/n finding him before he had the chance to find her. He emerged gasping for air and laughing, looking over at Y/n. "Oh, fuck you,"

"In your dreams." Y/n replied with a laugh, splashing Richie. He laughed more and splashed her back as they began to fight and tackle each other.

"Guh-guh-guys if you want to kah-kah-keep flirting, go get a ruh-ruh-room." Bill teased the two, making them separate as they both blushed.

“Or just go somewhere else,” Eddie added.

"Buh-but the rest of wah-want to sta-sta-stay here wih-without buh-buh-being disgusted." Bill finished with a playful smirk.

"I didn't know 'the rest of us' meant just you and Beverly, Bill." Richie pointed out, since Bill and Bev were just as far away from the rest of the Losers Club as Richie and Y/n were.

"And since when have you two been an 'us'?" Y/n added on, leaving both Bev and Bill as red faced as they has previously been while the swam off the join the others.

They ended up playing chicken (Y/n once again winning almost every round, but Stan did ruin her streak by beating her in the end), Marco Polo (Bill was surprisingly good at that one), and just splashing and tackling each other. In the end, all of the members ended up sitting down on the rocks near the creek. Except Bev and Y/n were the only sanitary ones, bringing towels to dry themselves off with and lay on as they tried to tan. Well as Bev tried to tan, because Y/n was alright just lying down and reading, but the boys obviously weren't. They all stared at the girls with lust and curiosity as they laid down on the towels in their undergarments, the girls oblivious to what the boys were doing. Once they stopped their activites and decided to glance over at the boys, all of them quickly looked away and shifted uncomfortably to hide what they had been doing.

"Why the hell are you reading? Hello, school's out. This is summer." Richie was the one to break the silence, obviously by teasing Y/n. She sighed.

"Have you ever even tried picking up a book outside of school?" she questioned him, not even looking up from her page. Richie shook his head.

"No," he replied.

"Well that explains a lot." Y/n murmured with a smile. "No wonder your vocabulary is made mostly out of the words 'fuck' and 'shit'."

"Fuck you, not is isn't! That shit isn't true!" Richie defended himself, only explaining Y/n's point even further.

"No, she's got a point." Stan pointed out, the rest of the Losers Club quickly agreeing. Even Bill was able to stutter out a soft agreement.

"Whatever, you guys are bullshit." laughed Richie, the rest of the group laughing with him. Y/n rested her head on Richie's knee, looking up at him to make sure he was okay with it. He gave her a nervous smile in return, pushing his glasses upward. The rest of the Losers Club smirked at Richie, who tried to avoid eye contact with them for the rest of the time they were sitting on the rocks.

After reading for a while longer while resting on Richie, Y/n and the rest of the Losers Club put their clothes back on and got on their bikes, Y/n joining Richie on his like normal.

"Hey, there's this new movie the Losers and I are seeing. It's called I was a Teenage Werewolf or whatever. You wanna come see it with us?" Richie asked Y/n, glancing back at her.

"Sounds awesome! But can we stop at my house first? I really want to dry off and change." Y/n informed Richie, who shrugged.

"Sure. Just don't take forever, because I heard girls take forever when they get ready to go places. Bill told me." Richie paused. "I don't know if I can fully trust him on that, but I really hope I don't."

"Too bad, he's right. I'll try not to take my time." Y/n paused as well. "Fuck me," she began, but as cut off by Richie.

"Sure!"

"No! I mean fuck me, we sound like an old married couple." Y/n finished, glaring over at Richie. "Keep your virgin crotch away from me." she teased.

"Hey! I'm not a virgin!" Richie exclaimed, glancing back at Y/n again. "You're a virgin, right?"

"Richie!" shrieked Y/n, "You can't just ask a girl if she's a virgin or not!"

"What, why?!" he asked, curious as to why that wasn't considered appropriate. "I ask the guys shit like that all the time."

"Well am I guy?" asked Y/n.

"Kinda! I mean, you dress and act like one sometimes!"

"Yeah, but I also have a thing called tits, which proves I'm a girl!"

"I know! I saw a lot of things that proved you were a girl at the quarry!”

"Ew, Richie! You don't see me staring at your nonexistent six pack while at the quarry!"

"Hey, this is no time to insult my developing six pack!" Richie yelled. "Besides, you shouldn't have been staring at my chest. My wang is way better."

Y/n scrunched up her nose in disgust. "Yeah, I just get so hot and bothered while staring at you in your grandpa underwear." she looked up. "Stop here. Please rethink your life and what you say while I get ready. And maybe to prove I'm a girl, I'll take forever to do so." Y/n snapped, moderately annoyed with her best friend Richie. She stomped inside her house, slamming the door behind her.

"Who knew girls could be so moody," he whispered to himself in his British man voice, shaking his head as he waited by his bike. But Y/n didn't live up to what she had said, coming outside a mere fifteen minutes later.

"You're lucky you're my best friend, otherwise I would have taken forever." she assured Richie, who shook his head again.

"Whatever you say, sweet cheeks." teased Richie, making Y/n blush.

"Fuck off, four eyes." she replied.

"Easy babe, easy. That name is reserved for the one and only Henry Bowers to call me.”" Richie raised his eyebrows as she wrapped Y/n arms around him, and he began to pedal to the movie theater. As they approached, Y/n noticed Richie had began to stiffen up.

"You okay Rich?" she questioned, looking at the back of Richie's head with concern. He nodded, thanking god that she couldn't see his face, because it would reveal how terrified he was.

"Yeah, I'm not a pussy. I'm not gonna get scared by some stupid movie." replied Richie confidently, not wanting to disclose his one huge fear to Y/n: Werewolves.

"Damn, alright fearless." Y/n shrugged. She placed her head on Richie's back, looking at the scenery as he hiked her to the movie theater. They arrived after about twenty minutes, Y/n jumping off and buying their tickets as Richie hid his bike in an alleyway. "Two tickets to I Was a Teenage Werewolf please." she stated, grinning as she handed a ticket to Richie. She looked around, searching for their friends. "Where is everyone?"

"They're probably inside already. Or they wanted to give us some alone time..." he trailed off, wrapping an arm around Y/n. She scoffed, taking his arm off of her.

"Trust me, we already spend enough time together, let alone enough alone time together." she informed Richie as he walked in the theater. Richie darted after her with a grin, attempting once more to wrap an arm around her. This time she complied, not doing anything to take his arm of. Richie lit up, walking confidently into the theater with his arm around his prize.

Over the few weeks of getting to know each other, Riches confidence towards Y/n grew in little ways, like wrapping an arm around her and or brushing their hands together, and his confidence in flirting with her grew too. He always liked making the first moves, and was confident as he did so. But whenever she made a move on him first, he was the complete opposite of confident. He would stiffen up and his face would go red, unsure of what to do. Whenever he made a move on Y/n, she would either blush and act like as if she didn't notice, or play hard to get and flirt back, which Richie loved. He loved playing hard to get and running after her. He knew one day that eventually the stars would align and he would catch her. But for now, they were best friends that had crushes on each other.

"My mom never let me see a horror movie before... she's worried that I could suffer an asthma attack or something. Wait, shit, where's my inhaler?!" Eddie began to search frantically for the small capsule that kept him calm and gave him comfort.

"Right here, idiot." Y/n handed him his inhaler that had been laying on the floor. Oh, right. That whole "they were just best friends that had crushes on each other" thing included Eddie.

Ever since Richie had introduced Eddie to her a few weeks ago, he had been head over heels with her. He didn't make it as obvious in the Richie kind of flirting with her way, but he would get jumpy and fidgety whenever he was around her. Not to mention he would always use his inhaler more than usual, which Eddie knew would terrify his mom if she knew. When he had been staring at her in her undergarments earlier at the creek, Eddie had been sure he was going to die of an asthma attack right there. But the sad thing was, Y/n didn't like Eddie back. Sure, she found him cute. He was completely adorable, and one of the sweetest boys she had ever met. But she had met Richie first, which is what had decided that she had a crush on Richie instead of Eddie. Maybe if it had been Eddie she had ran into the morning, things would be different. Maybe that happened in a different universe, but in this one it had been Richie. And in this one, she had a huge crush on him. Richie felt the same way about Y/n, yet all their flirting still didn't make the two sure about their feelings towards each other.

"Y/n, Y/n, can I have some of the popcorn? Shit, what the hell?!" Richie yelled as Y/n threw a few pieces of popcorn at him, aiming for his mouth, which obviously hadn't worked out. His loud swearing caused him to be shushed by nearly the entire theater, including all the members of the Losers Club. Y/n snickered, sticking her tongue out at Richie.

The movie started and Y/n immediately curled up closer to Richie. He wrapped his arm back around her, and once again she didn't pull away, which was a score. Normally he only got touchy with her a few times a day before she started fighting back, and they had already passed their usual limit. But now she was letting him wrap her for a third time that day! Sweet! Not wanting to bring Y/n to that realization, Richie tried to act cool and collected as she rested her head in his shoulder while his arm was around her.

Throughout the duration of the movie, every time there was a jump scare, Richie and Y/n would silently snicker as Eddie attempted to sneakily take a shaky breath of his inhaler, yet failed while looking as though he had seen a ghost-- even though they were watching a werewolf movie. Richie would be freaked out as well, trying to hide his fear for the same reason as Eddie: To impress Y/n. Although Y/n knew how frightened they both were, despite their best efforts. And while she wasn't really impressed with their efforts to act brave, she was flattered with the fact they were trying to impress her.

When the movie reached its end, Eddie was trembling. Y/n enveloped the small boy in a hug, kissing his hair to soothe him. Eddie winked at Richie as she did so, as if to say point one for Eddie. While he did really appreciate the gesture, he also took it as a chance to gloat. Richie cleared his throat to catch the girls attention.

"Y/n, I'm scared too. Can get a hug? A kiss on the cheek? Maybe even some kisses somewhere else?" Richie teased, teasing more out jealousy than his ordinary comic relief, like he had so many weeks ago when Y/n and Eddie had gotten too intimate for his liking. Sure, he understood the two were best friends. But he couldn't prevent his anger and jealousy from taking over him and making sarcastic comments leave his mouth. Thank god the two never realized the true intentions of his sarcastic anger, or they might get upset or annoyed with him.

"I thought you weren't a pussy, Rich." Y/n quoted Richie from earlier, who crossed his arms as he got caught.

"Well I'm riding you home, so make sure you two don't take too long. And use protection!"

"Oh fuck you Richie!" Y/n yelled while she laughed, unwrapping her arms around Eddie as they both blushed furiously at Richie's comment. Y/n stalked after Richie as he exited the theater, throwing more popcorn at him.

"Sorry Richie, I'm saving me and my birth control pills for your sister!" Eddie snapped, following Y/n out of the theater. But instead of throwing popcorn at Richie, he was yelling at him very quickly. While he normally spoke fast, Richie as sure he'd never heard Eddie spit out so many swear words so fast.

"D-da-did you la-la-like the m-movie, Bev?" asked Bill, the Losers able to hear Bills stuttering from across the theater.

"Yeah, it wasn't that scary, though." she shrugged nonchalantly, walking out of the theater as Ben gulped behind her.

"Yeah, totally. I wasn't scared at all..." Ben trailed off. Richie heard this and snuck up behind him, and let out a loud growl that resembled the werewolves in the movie. Ben let out a yelp and ran out of the theater, straight to Bev and Bill.

Outside, Ben was talking to Bev and Bill as both of the boys tried to not make it obvious that they had a gigantic crush on her. The same was happening with Eddie, Richie and Y/n. Stan and Mike walked out of the theater, shaking their heads as they saw the multiple flirting orgies that were going on.

"Sometimes I feel like we're the only ones that don't think with our dicks." Stan told Mike, who nodded in agreement.

"We probably are," Mike agreed as he walked with Stan to his bike.

The number of the Losers Club occupying the small sidewalk area outside of the theater slowly decreased, the number dropping like flies as each one left to ride home. As the sun began to set, the only members that remained were Eddie, Richie and Y/n. Although Eddie's Mom eventually came to pick him up, losing trust in the party after she found out about Richie and Y/n's poison ivy fiasco. She didn't find out about the Neboilt house or about Eddie feelings towards Y/n, but Eddie being that close to contagious poison ivy was enough for her.

"Bye guys," Eddie waved goodbye to his best friends, who gave him small smiles and waves back as he drove off.

"I left my bike in the alleyway, you wanna come get it with me?" Richie asked with nervous eyes, too anxious to enter the dark alleyway and retrieve it himself. Y/n smirked.

"Why? Are you scared you'll get attacked by a... werewolf, perhaps?" she teased, walking over to Richie. He shook his head defensively, nearly shaking his glasses off his head.

"No! I told you, I'm not pussy." he muttered as he walked to the alleyway, sneaking a quick glance behind him to make sure Y/n was near and coming with him, which she was. "I'm asking you to come in case something attacks you, and you need protection."

"You and what muscles will protect me, exactly?" questioned Y/n. Richie didn't reply to her banter, which was extremely out of chapter for him. He began acting strangely when they arrived at the alleyway, where Richie began swearing like a sailor.

"What's wrong?" asked Y/n, worry lining her face.

"Some shithead stole my fucking bike! And I just bought that shit!" Richie yelled, extremely distraught. "I saved up weeks for that!" Y/n was completely silent. "Y/n?" He turned around, and was greeted by Y/n terrified, wide eyes. "Wha---" Richie followed her gaze and when he saw what she was staring at, made the same terror-stricken face she was making. "What the fuck?"

"H-how the hell..." Y/n trailed off, a they both stared at Richie's bike at the end of the alleyway, that was somehow standing up on its own. The bell on the bike rang cheerfully, mocking the children's horror. It then began to ride off without an occupant, soaring down the street. "Richie, Common let's go!" Y/n screamed, grabbing his hand and pulling him down the street. They ran after the bike, which was at a paced speed. Not too fast so the children couldn't keep up with it, but not slow enough so that they were unable to catch up with it. After a few minutes the adrenaline the children had felt due to their fear began to wear off, and the bike seemed to know this as it watched them slow down. It made a sharp turn into a dark alleyway, Y/n and Richie following it with heavy feet and heaving breathes.

As the two turned the corner they came to a sudden halt, and as did the bike. The bike suddenly fell to the left, hitting a pile of trash cans. They walked further into the alley and Richie picked up his bike, swearing under his breath as he saw the newly embedded scratches and dents.

"H-help!" a teenage boy cried from behind the paid, causing them to jump as they turned around to face the source of the voice. It was a jock, proven by his varsity football jacket at his combed over brown hair. His pretty brown eyes normally would've even stunning, but at the moment they were filled with fear. "It's happening!"

"What's happening?" Richie asked warily as Y/n backed into him. When Richie said he could protect her earlier, Y/n didn't believe him. But at this moment, she didn't care if he could or not, she was scared and needed someone to at least attempt protect her. Even if it was muscleless Richie.

"I---I'm transforming!" the boy roared as the moon shone, a beam of light shining specifically on the boy. His jacket and everything other clothing item he was wearing ripped, midnight colored fur emerging from what once was clothes and skin. Y/n let out a scream and backed completely into Richie, who wasn't expecting the sudden weight. He fell straight into his bike which caused Richie, his bike, and his girl to all become one big heap on the ground as the werewolf approached them. Richie froze up, his number one fear being presented to him. Y/n noticed how he had freezed up, and tried to shake him out of it.

"S-Silver. Its a werewolf, we can defeat him with silver." Richie claimed under his breath.

"I don't think it's a werewolf, it's---it's that clown!" The werewolf snarled and flashed its teeth at the two, leaning down as its foaming mouth opened wide and revealed the same set of teeth that had attacked Y/n weeks ago. She looked around the alley, and saw a nearby trash can cover. She pushed herself off Richie and grabbed it before whacking the 'it' in it's face, causing it to whimper. She saw a broken beer bottle and stabbed the werewolf with it, and it transformed from a werewolf into the clown she saw before. "Richie, help!!" Y/n looked around for Richie, and found him across the alleyway, on his bike.

"Get over here and hop on!" he screamed. Y/n nodded, running past the clown and over to Richie. It scratched her as she went, his talons leaving red, bloody marks on her side. She let out a cry of pain as she wrapped her arms around Richie's back, tears falling onto his shirt as he rode away her. "Back to Eddie's?" questioned Richie, glancing back at Y/n with solicitude. She nodded into his back before burying her head into it. He felt her wet tears on his back as he rose to Eddie's, pedalling as fast as he could. Once they arrived at Eddie's Richie pounded on the door, Eddie opening it after a few moments of delay. Richie kept knocking until Eddie finally had opened it, his urgency showing.

"Richie, its ten pm--"

"Y/n's hurt really bad. That clown... That thing... It got her." Richie cut him off. Eddie bit his lip as he pondered, before looking at Richie. He understood exactly what he meant by 'it'.

"Meet me by the garage."

Richie nodded and walked back to his bike, where Y/n was beginning to stand up by herself. Richie wrapped an arm around her and helped her limp to the backyard where Eddie was waiting with supplies.

"Deja vu," Richie murmured as he sat Y/n down, Eddie preparing to go doctor on Y/n.

"Where's the wound?" Eddie questioned Y/n. She bit her lip nervously and with, looking down at her feet with embarrassment. She took off her shirt , which made both of the boy's breathing hitch. Next to her left breast there were three bloody talon marks. The cuts weren't extremely deep, but they were deep to the point that even ten minutes later the wounds were still bleeding, and the blood had completely ruined her bra, to Y/n’s dismay. Eddie took a deep breath, going in and placing disinfectant on Y/n's wounds as he ignored the the awkwardness of the girls shirt being off. Y/n let out some whimpering sounds as he did rubbed on the disinfectant, holding Richie's hand tightly. Richie brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it.

"You're gonna be okay, don't worry," he whispered as Y/n put her forehead on Richie's chest. Five minutes later Y/n was biting onto to Richie's shirt to restrain herself from letting out more cries of pain, but finally the pain deteriorated as Eddie began to wrap bandages around her side and stomach.

"Shit, I ran out of bandages! Okay, I'm gonna go get more. I'll be right back." Eddie got up and walked away, leaving Richie and Y/n alone. There was an uncomfortable silence until Richie broke it. But not with the usual banter; for once, he was serious.

"I believe you now."

"What?" Y/n looked up at Richie.

"That clown story in the house... I didn't really believe you and Eddie. I thought you were both batshit crazy, but I was wrong. I should've believed you..." he trailed off, sighing. "I wasn't even able to protect you earlier. Its just werewolves are my number one fear, and as soon as I saw that, I froze up." Richie explained.

"You don't have to protect me, Richie. I can protect myself. And you can't blame yourself. It knows what you fear most and uses it against you. It knew you would freeze up if it became a werewolf, so that's what it did." Y/n explained as Richie unconsciously played with the girls hand.

"Yeah, but... You never freeze up. You always are so brave... and hot." Richie shrugged, looking at Y/n as she blushed and she shook her head. They made eye contact for a second before Y/n leaned in.

Their lips made contact. Richie turned a rosy pink color as he kissed Y/n back, her arms snaking up his back and into his hair. She ran her hands through his hair, Richie moving his hands down Y/n's bare sides. She let out a hissing sound as his hand touched her wound, pulling away out of surprise and stinging pain.

"Dammit! Things were just getting interesting." Richie cried, Y/n pulling his shirt collar bringing him into another kiss.

"Guys, I brought the bandages! And I also found a lollipop to help Y/n with her troubles." Eddie stopped in his tracks, staring at the scene in front of him. The two immediately pulled away, both of them looking at him with apologetic eyes.

"Eddie, I---"

"It...It's fine. I knew you didn't like me." he said, blinking at the ground. Y/n got up and limped over to Eddie, pulling him into a hug. "Uh, Uh, Y/n its really fine..." he pushed away from the hug, partially because he felt awkward hugging a girl who was just wearing a bra, and partially because he felt awkward hugging a girl in general. But, he still gave her a small, reassuring smile.

"You're okay? You sure?" Y/n dragged Eddie into another hug and he laughed, pulling away again. Y/n walked back over to Richie, Eddie finishing putting the bandages on. Richie took off his flannel with strange patterns on it, offering it to Y/n so she wouldn't have to put her bloody t-shirt from earlier back on. The two helped her put one of Richie's flannel on, Eddie helping with her arms and Richie buttoning it up for her. "See you tomorrow, Eds." Y/n and Richie both proclaimed as they hopped Richie's bike, Y/n beginning to suck on her sucker. They both didn't notice Eddie wave depressingly as he saw his best friend and his crush ride away together, which means they also didn't see how he ran a hand through his hair out of frustration before he walked inside and slammed the front door. Halfway home it began to rain, making Richie pedal even faster. Once they arrived at Y/n's house, Richie walked with her up to her door. They were soaking wet, but didn't mind. Richie let go of her soaking hand, and they stood under a small roof in front of her door.

"So... What happens now, Rich?" coaxed Y/n as she reached for Richie's hand. Richie let Y/n intertwined their fingers. "I don't know... I haven't done this before. The furthest I've gone with a girl is Patricia Walsh."

Y/n stared at Richie with a blank face. "That's a story for another time. But, don't most high schoolers just... Date, or something?" she offered, shrugging as though it was no big deal. Yet in reality, it was a huge deal to her.

"Uh, sure, yeah," Richie replied, not letting Y/n see his excitement. There was another moment of silence before Richie brought Y/n's face to his, brushing her a strand of her soaking hair behind her ear. Y/n ended up having to pull away, his attempted to slip his tongue in making her red.

"We'll save that for another time..." she laughed before looking back at her front door. "I seriously need to go. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"You always pull away just as things get interesting.” he joked, cupping one of her cheeks while bringing her in to a finale kiss. “See you then." Richie ran back to his bike and jumped on, looking back at Y/n's door, expecting her to already be inside. But she was still waiting in her doorway, watching Richie ride away. She smiled at him as they shared a final glance before he rode away. After a short while he began to cheer to himself for scoring such a hot girlfriend. When Y/n shut the door she couldn't help but run up to her room and squeal into her pillow, replaying her and Richie's romantic rain kiss in her head.

#richie tozier #beep beep richie #richie toizer imagine #richie x reader #richie toizer x reader #richie toizer #richie tozier imagine #richie tozier x reader #richie tozier one shot #it imagine #richie it imagine #it 2017

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minijenn · 7 years ago

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Universe Falls Chapter 45

Alas, tis finally here and its... ok. Nothing too special and you can kinda tell I rushed through it but meh its aight. Its kinda gonna be the lull point of this arc, I think, figures that would happen smack dab in the middle of it. But either way, I hope you still enjoy it so lets go!

Previous: http://minijenn.tumblr.com/post/167946641243/universe-falls-chapter-44

Chapter 45: Soos and the Real Girl

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While the Mystery Shack had just closed for the evening, its staff still hung about for a bit to help close everything up for the night. Seeing as how there wasn’t really much to do, Stan decided to turn Dipper and Mabel lose to their own devices early, which was news that Mabel in particular was more than glad to hear. Excited about her freed-up evening, she skipped merrily towards the gift shop door, only for her exit to be abruptly halted as she ended up bumping into the screen door, getting her braces in adherently caught in its mesh wiring.

“Augh! Braces!” she cried, frantically trying to pry the metal in her mouth out of the screen tightly entrapping it as everyone else in the shop was quickly alerted to her situation. “Braces caught in the screen door! Someone dictate my will! I’m giving it all to Waddles!”

“Whoa, hold on there, girl-dude,” Soos interjected as he hurried over to help. “Just sit still and say ‘ah’.”

Mabel did so, calming her panicked struggle down to allow the handyman to easily and painlessly pry her braces out of the screen door with his screwdriver. “Soos! You saved me!” she exclaimed brightly after quickly checking over her braces.

“Heh, just doin’ my job, hambone,” Soos remarked warmly, smoothly tossing his screwdriver back into its spot on his toolbelt before turning to leave for the night. “See you dudes tomorrow!”

“Bye, Soos!” the twins called out after the handyman, waving him farewell.

“Night, Soos,” Stan and Wendy both replied much more casually amidst being distracted with other tasks. Soos gave the others one last cheerful wave before blithely heading outside to go home for the night, just as he usually did.

“You ever wonder what Soos does when he’s not here at the Mystery Shack?” Mabel asked, genuinely curious to know how the handyman spent his free time. A sentiment that none of the others really seemed to share.

“No.”

“Not really.”

“Not once ever.”

As it turned out, most of Soos’ time outside of work he spent at home in the company of his Abuelita and his video game collection, namely his copy of First Person Puncher, which he was playing has he helped his grandmother highlight her hair. “Punch! Punch those leopards!” the handyman exclaimed, engrossed in the fast paced action of his game until the timer sitting on the nearby table went off. “Oh! Highlights are done!” he proclaimed, turning to Abuelita as he began taking the foil out of her hair. “You’re gonna make the other grandmas at the bingo hall so jealous!”

“Just a minute, mi’ijo,” she interjected with her usual calm smile as she handed Soos a letter. “Look at this. Your cousin Reggie is having an engagement party next month.”

“Wait, what?” Soos asked, flabbergasted as he looked over the invitation, which pictured Reggie happily embracing his fiancé. “Reggie is engaged? B-but how? He’s like the poor man’s Soos!”

“Yes, well…” Abuelita began somewhat awkwardly as she placed a hand on her grandson’s arm. “I do not want to pressure you, Soos, but you are a man now… in a way. It’s time for you to start meeting girls. I would like to see you settled before I ascend to heaven and live with the angels.”

“And with grandpa!” Soos quipped innocently.

“No, he is… not there…” Abuelita corrected, glancing down knowingly for a beat. “Anyway, please find a girl to bring to Reggie’s engagement party. For Abuelita.” The elderly woman smiled encouragingly, placing a hand against her grandson’s face before she got up and walked out of the room, leaving Soos to mull over this request.

“Oh, no problem, Abuelita!” Soos called after her with apt resolve, knowing that he wasn’t about to let her down. “I have all the qualities that I’m fairly sure girls are into. I’m great at fixing stuff, playing video games, having a sort-of mustache. I could totally get a date in a week! Totally. Piece of cake.” The handyman smiled to himself as he leaned back against the couch, picking up his game controller once more as he stepped himself in his confidence that he’d be able to find a date easily enough. After all, even though he had never been a relationship, or on a date, or ever even asked a girl out before, his complete lack of romantic experience certainly didn’t mean he didn’t have a chance at all, did it?

Soos was broken out of his suddenly worried thoughts by his game, which he had been ignoring to the point that he ended up getting a game over as the TV blared out: “You’re dead!”

“I’m dead…” Soos echoed nervously as he realized that his quest for romance was going to be much harder than he originally hoped.

“Ok, everyone! We gotta scoot in closer to make this one work!” Steven said, pulling in tighter to Connie as Dipper and Mabel did the same. The kids had spent most of their morning in a rather lighthearted selfie-taking session, mostly since there wasn’t really too much else to do and also because it was a generally relaxing pastime. After the hectic, daunting past few weeks they had had, all four of them had taken to reveling in every laid back, lighthearted moment they could manage together, knowing better than to ever take advantage of them again after how close they had all gotten to losing such peaceful times on a number of occasions.

“Alright, I think we’re ready,” Connie grinned as all the others did the same in preparation of the photo as she held her phone out further. “Say cheese!”

“Cheese!” all four of them proclaimed in bright unison as Connie snapped the picture, only for her to notice something was off about it as soon as she got a look at it.

“Aw, Steven! You blinked!” she scolded playfully, giving him a light shove.

“Whoops! Sorry…” the young Gem blushed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Hey, we can always take another one!” Mabel suggested blithely, running over to the other side of the clearing. “Hows about we try one with the view of the temple behind us? It’ll be so pretty!”

“Are you sure we don’t already have enough selfies already?” Dipper asked with an amused chuckle as they all went over to join Mabel. “I’m pretty sure Connie’s phone has gotta be running out of storage space by now.”

“Mm, actually, I think we should be good for a few more,” Connie noted, checking her phone once more.

“And besides, a group of friends can never have enough selfies!” Steven quipped cheerfully. “Huh, you know, those are some pretty good words to live by. I should really write that down...”

“Save it for later, Universe!” Mabel jokingly ordered as the kids all clustered together again with the temple in view behind them. “We got more selfies to take! Now, again, this time with feeling: cheese!”

The others all repeated this, bearing their biggest smiles as Connie attempted to take the photo, though it was a bit challenging seeing as how the screen and the camera button were both facing away from her, despite her continuously tapping at where she thought it would be.

“Did it take it?” Steven asked in a mumble, still holding his wide grin as he waited for the snap.

“I don’t know…” Connie replied, also maintain her smile as she continued her attempts at hitting the button.

“Maybe try pressing it again?” Dipper suggested, getting somewhat impatient with holding up his own smile, even though it was clear Mabel was ready to keep hers as long as she had to.

“I’ve been pressing it,” Connie assured, her grin starting to falter a bit as the photo still failed to take.

“You guys look cute.”

Steven gasped upon hearing this casual interruption to their selfie session, his photo-ready grin turning into a genuine one as he glanced across the yard at the familiar mailman who had just arrived at the shack. “Jamie!” the young Gem exclaimed excitedly as he ran over to greet him. While Connie, Dipper, and Mabel didn’t really know this young mailman, they followed suit, though not as bombastically as Steven did.

“What’s up, Steven?” Jamie asked coolly, his large sunglasses giving him an even more laid back look. “Long time, no see.”

“Ohhhhh myyyyy gosssshhh!” Steven shouted enthusiastically as he rushed to give Jamie a high five. “It really has been so long since I’ve seen you around here, Jamie! Oh, by the way, these are my friends: Connie, Dipper, and Mabel! Guys, this is Jamie: the mailman!”

“Greetings, Connie, Dipper, Mabel,” Jamie said to the kids with an amicable grin.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Dipper greeted affably.

“Nice to meet you, Jamie,” Connie nodded politely.

“I love your sunglasses!” Mabel quipped, beaming.

“Heh, thanks,” Jamie smirked as he adjusted said shades.

“So, where have you been all this time, Jamie?” Steven asked curiously. “I don’t think I’ve seen you around here since the beginning of the summer!”

“Oh, you know, I’ve been spending some time where all the big movies are made…” Jamie began, his smile turning daring and dramatic. “Just a little place called… Kansas!”

“Kansas?” Dipper asked, confused. “Uh… don’t you mean Hollywood?”

“Oh, wow! Kansas!” Mabel interrupted, thoroughly impressed. “I heard that place is super glamourous! Did you meet any big-name movie stars while you were there?”

“But of course,” Jamie assured, crossing his arms.

“Like…?” Steven pursued eagerly.

“Like…. Uh… well… a bunch! I-its pretty hard to keep track of particular names when you’re rubbing elbows with the rich and famous, you know. But I did receive plenty of valuable inspiration while I was there.”

“Oh, are you an aspiring thespian?” Connie asked.

“Why, yes!” Jamie proclaimed with a bold, performer’s bow. “Yes, I am.”

“Wow! I didn’t know you wanted to become an actor!” Steven noted in amazement.

“That’s because-” Jamie suddenly paused, pulling off a dramatic spin as he clenched his fist passionately. “I’m very good at acting.”

The kids all got a good laugh out of this brief preformance, all four of them applauding it as Jamie bowed once again. “So that must be why you’re wearing those super cool sunglasses in the first place, huh?” Mabel asked, pointing to his shades that read “movie star” across the top of them. “Cause you’re on the fast track to becoming a movie star yourself?”

“Uh, well, no…” Jamie blushed awkwardly, lowering his shades a bit. “I just bought these at a souvenir shop. I missed being a regular old mailman, so I just came back. And, uh, both you and Mr. Pines got a lot of mail while I was gone, Steven…” The mailman dropped the heavy sack he’d been toting, pulling it open to reveal an abundance of packages and letters that were long past late.

“Looks like the postal service has really been slacking off,” Connie noted, bewildered by all the undelivered mail.

“Jamie’s the only mailman who comes all the way out here to the shack and the temple,” Steven explained.

“Oh so that explains why Grunkle Stan’s been so upbeat lately!” Mabel exclaimed in realization. “It’s cause he hasn’t gotten any bills since the beginning of the summer!”

“Well, if that’s the case, then he’s in for a pretty major disappointment here soon…” Dipper mused, glancing at the pile of overdue invoices intended for Stan lying on the ground.

“I’m also gonna need a lot of signatures as well,” Jamie said as he held his sign pad out to Steven.

The young Gem smiled, seemingly cracking his knuckles in preparation only for them to make no apparent sound at all. “Your knuckles are so quiet…” Connie said, impressed.

“My hands are polite,” Steven replied with a proud smile. Before he could sign however, the kids were caught off guard by a sudden rustling in the nearby trees, a familiar figure emerging from them a moment later.

“Oh! Hi, Garnet!” Mabel greeted the Gem leader first, though the other kids soon followed suit as she began to approach them.

“Who’s Garneeee-” Jamie trailed off, his jaw and his sunglasses dropping in awe as he glanced up and got his first glimpse of the Gem leader. Her form was stunning as she smoothly sauntered forward, the droplets of water drenching her sparkling in the midmorning sun. Her shades and neutral expression gave her an air of alluring mystery, one that Jamie couldn’t help but be immediately compelled by.

Her confidence only continued as she reached the group, placing a hand on her hip as she looked down to the group of kids with a casual greeting. “Howdy.”

“Hey, Garnet, whatcha up to?” Steven asked. “And why are you all wet?”

“I was just at the bottom of the lake, checking for signs of Lapis and Jasper,” Garnet reported. “Or at least as close to the bottom as I could get to…”

“Wait, what?” Dipper cut in, immediately interested in this development, seeing as how this was apparently the first time any of the Gems had done anything about the Malachite situation at all. “Did… did you see them?”

Garnet let out a soft sigh, shaking her head with apt sympathy. “No. It seems as though Malachite has trapped herself underneath a thick layer of ice just a few hundred feet down, one that spreads across the entire lake bed. I tried my best to penetrate it, but I had no luck. I’m sorry, Dipper.”

The most Dipper could do upon receiving such disparaging news was let out a small sigh of disappointment as he hung his head. He supposed it did make sense that Lapis would make herself and Jasper even more inaccessible than they already were, for the sake of protecting them all from the orange Gem’s fury. But, that didn’t change the fact that Dipper still wanted to help Lapis, just as much as ever, especially after how his last true lead has been so brutally destroyed. And though such a feat seemed even more out of reach with what Garnet had just told him, Mabel subtly reminded him that they’d get there someday by simply placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder, one that this time, he didn’t push away.

“W-wow…” Jamie spoke up softly, looking to Garnet in complete amazement. “How are you able to swim to the bottom of the lake?”

“It was easy,” Garnet shrugged, adjusting her shades. “I’m a really good swimmer.” Jamie’s jaw simply fell even more upon hearing this, his eyes widening as he noticed the Gem leader’s visor seemingly change colors from pink to blue, as if by magic. Still, Garnet didn’t seem to notice how awestruck the mailman was with her as she readjusted her posture. “Excuse me,” she said before swinging her arms out gracefully, all of the lake water flying off of her form in a singular flash of light.

An astonished gasp finally escaped Jamie at this incredible sight, his heart pounding as he continued staring at the Gem leader and nothing else. Even if Garnet herself didn’t really pay the mailman’s clear awe any mind, the kids started to take notice of it, prompting them to exchange something of a confused glance. In fact, his wonderstruck gaze only continued after the Gem leader as she bid them all farewell and began making her way up to the temple, with Jamie watching her almost longingly, even after she had completely vanished from sight.

Stan smirked readily as he watches his customers mill about the gift shop from his hidden vantage point behind a postcard display, knowing that their disposable income was a untapped potential goldmine for him. The conman wasn’t the type to turn his nose up at even mere pocket change, such as the nickel a young boy was flipping as he happened to absentmindedly wander over in his general direction. And while it was just a simple five cents, that was a five cents Stan wasn’t about to pass up.

“Hello!” he exclaimed loudly as he suddenly jumped out from behind the display, ignoring the child as he let out a startled scream and shrunk back. “Please, don’t let my horrible elderly face frighten you. Don’t you want to use that nickel to get a nugget from old Goldie?” With a flourish, the conman pulled the sheet off of the attraction behind him: a rather decrepit old novelty gold nugget dispenser, complete with a homely bronze statue of the miner sitting atop it. While Stan grinned between it and the child confidently, the kid seemed much less certain about giving his money away to such a shabby machine, which prompted the conman into giving a demonstration of exactly what it could do. “Watch this!”

Stan inserted a nickel of his own into the slot in Goldie’s mouth, activating the machine, which at first seemed to be working fine. It quickly malfunctioned though, as a plume of smoke started to rise up from it, its eyes popping out as oil poured from its open mouth while it emitted what sounded like an agonized scream. Needless to say that the child was aptly terrified by such a horrific display, which resulted in him running off crying and taking his money with him, much to Stan’s disappointment.

“Ok, seriously, Mr. Pines,” Wendy spoke up from her spot at the counter upon watching this disastrous scene unfold. “Its time to throw that old thing out. Its face reminds everyone of the inevitability of death.”

“What?! Throw him out?!” Stan exclaimed, appalled by such a suggestion. “Sure, he’s a little rough around the edges, but old Goldie is a classic showstopper, like me!” No sooner had the conman said this, however, than his hand happened to slip on the oil that had spilled from Goldie, resulting in his arm getting caught in the machine’s wide open jaws. “Ah! Kill it!” Stan cried, flailing to break his arm free in a frantic panic. “Kill it with fire!”

Despite this sudden disarray on one side of the gift shop, the other half was quite calm as Soos was contentedly working, hanging up a new stock of tee shirts. His attention was soon diverted away from his task, however, upon noticing a woman shopping just a few feet away from him, reminding him of the task his grandmother had entrusted him with the previous night. “Ah! A hwoman!” he exclaimed, suddenly nervous as he dove into the middle of a nearby circular clothes rack before the woman could notice him. “Ok, Soos,” he whispered to himself encouragingly. “You can do this. Just use your mouth to say words that make romance happen.” Upon taking in a deep, resolved breath, the handyman rose up out of the rack to do just that as he gave the unsuspecting woman an incredibly awkward greeting. “Your face is good. I am a Soos!”

Needless to say that the woman was anything but charmed by Soos’ forwardness, but was rather terrified by his sudden unsettling appearance, hence why she was quick to rush out of the shack, screaming all the while. The handyman let out a dejected sigh at his failed first attempt as he sunk back into the rack, unaware that the kids had noticed this entire bizarre exchange, and needless to say they were all unanimously curious about it.

“Soos?” Dipper asked as he pulled a few shirts aside to reveal the hiding handyman. “What was that all about?”

“I-I think I was flirting?” Soos frowned as he crawled out of the rack. “But I’m not sure…”

“Yeah, no offense, Soos, but what just happened right there… it… didn’t really look like flirting…” Connie remarked, nodding over to the door the woman just ran out of.

“Did someone say flirting?!” Mabel suddenly interjected as she popped out of a barrel of keychains nearby.

“Well… I kinda promised my grandma I’d get a date by the end of the week,” Soos began, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Problem is, I’ve never actually been on a date before. Oh, I might as well just admit it; I have no idea what I’m doing with all this romance stuff. You belong on me, out of order sign.” The handyman sighed as he took said sign off of the vending machine and pinned it to himself instead, making it clear how morose and hopeless he seemed to be.

“Aw, Soos! You’re not out of order!” Steven reassured warmly. “Maybe all you need to do is to find that one special someone out there who’s meant for you!”

“You really think that someone like that is out there, dude?” Soos asked, somewhat doubtful.

“Oh, they just gotta be out there!” Mabel quipped, growing more enthused by this discussion by the second. “Ah, this is so exciting! Finally my prayers for a chance to play match-maker this summer have been answered!”

“Soos, a little advice,” Stan interjected, having finally freed his arm from Goldie, though not without a few tears in his suit. “You need to get rich. Or lie about being rich. Outside of that, I don’t like your chances.”

“Pfft, don’t listen to Stan, dude,” Wendy scoffed. “You’re a sweet guy with a steady job and a pickup truck. Steven’s right; there’s bound to be somebody out there for you.”

“Would you date him?” Stan asked caustically.

The cashier flinched at this, immediately rushing to hide herself behind her magazine to avoid such an awkward question. “Oh, uh… Would you, um, would you look at that…”

“Soos, you help us out so much, it’s time we help you out for a change,” Dipper said with a resolved grin. “We’re gonna get you that date!”

“Yeah!” Steven exclaimed brightly as Connie nodded her agreement. “We’ll find you that special someone, or die trying! …Ok, well, maybe we won’t die, but… we’ll find her all the same!”

“Aw, thanks, dudes…” Soos beamed, truly grateful for their willingness to help him in his plight. “But uh… where are we even gonna start with something like this?”

“That’s easy,” Mabel assured confidently, already leading the way out of the shack. “We’re taking you where romance lives and fashion styles die. To the mall!”

With this destination in mind, the other kids essentially dragged the much more hesitant Soos out of the shack so they could leave, with Stan toting the clearly busted Goldie not too far behind. However, they didn’t make it too far before Steven happened to spot a certain mailman making a hurried beeline back towards the shack.

“Jamie!” the young Gem exclaimed in surprise as he headed over to meet him. The other kids curiously followed as Soos and Stan continued heading for the car, only to find that Jamie’s manner was beyond flustered as he nervously greeted the them.

“H-h-hi, kids!” the mailman stammered, anxiously holding something behind his back.

“Hiya, Jamie!” Mabel quipped cheerfully. “Are you here to deliver more bills to Grunkle Stan? Cause, uh… he wasn’t too happy about that first round earlier this morning…”

“Hey! Is that that mailman kid again?!” Stan shouted from his car, clearly far from pleased upon spotting Jamie. “You kids tell him that if he’s gonna drop off any more late bills, I’ll train Waddles to chase him off like an attack dog if he ever steps foot on this property again!”

“Wha—uh, no,” Jamie quickly shook his head, still quite jumpy as he started to pull the pink letter he had been hiding behind his back out. “I-I… I’m just… I just came to, uh… I-”

“Hey, what’s that?” Steven asked upon finally spotting the letter the mailman was gripping tightly.

Jamie blushed furiously at this, only growing even more jumpy upon being called out. “Uh… i-its… here!” Without a single word of explanation, the mailman shoved the letter into the young Gem’s hands, leaving the kids to all look to it curiously.

“But what is… it?” Connie trailed off upon glancing up to see that Jamie was already stiffly running away. As he did, he soon started to break out of his former nervousness and into a gale of rather unhinged, ever growing laughter, which only grew more wild as the confused kids happened to turn the letter over and gasp upon seeing who it was addressed to: Garnet. By now, Jamie was in a complete frenzy, laughing almost manically as he babbled nonsensically and flapped his arms out in a failed attempt to restrain his overflowing emotions before he disappeared into the woods, leaving a group of absolutely dumbfounded kids behind.

“Ok, I’m just gonna come right out and say it,” Dipper remarked somewhat bluntly. “That was really, really weird.”

“Yeah, it was…” Steven frowned as he looked to the letter in his hands again. “I wonder why Jamie would write Garnet a letter… They’ve never even met before this morning… What could it possibly say?”

“Well, why don’t we go take it up to Garnet so we can find out?” Mabel asked excitedly.

“Oh, but what about Soos?” Dipper asked, nodding back over to the car, where Stan was impatiently waiting to get going with the handyman in tow. “We promised we’d help him get a date; we can’t just back out of him now.”

“Hm… maybe we should split up,” Connie suggested thoughtfully. “Steven, Dipper, you guys head over to the mall with Soos. Mabel and I will take Jamie’s letter to Garnet. We’ll come catch up with you guys when we’re done. How does that sound?”

“Sounds good to me!” Steven grinned as Dipper nodded in agreement.

“Yeah! Look at the four of us, being all productive and stuff!” Mabel proclaimed with a proud grin. “That’s what teamwork’s all about!”

“Good luck, you guys!” Connie called to the boys as her and Mabel began making their way up towards the temple.

“Good luck to you too!” Steven replied brightly back.

“Steven, they’re just going to deliver a letter,” Dipper pointed out, somewhat amused as they headed for the car. “Somehow I doubt they’re gonna need too much luck with that.”

“Yeah, I know,” Steven shrugged, waving the girls off once more. “But hey, a little positive encouragement never hurt anyone. And I’m sure we’ll be using plenty more of that while we’re helping Soos get that date!”

Gravity Falls’ local mall, or as it was more colloquially known, Gravity Malls, was actually a surprisingly bustling shopping center, despite the fact that its offering of stores was less than stellar. Even so, Dipper and Steven were quick to realize Mabel had been right on the mark in suggesting the mall as the place to scope out potential dates for Soos, seeing as how it was essentially swarming with potentially available young women.

“I’m gonna go find a replacement for old Goldie,” Stan remarked to the boys as he began to haul the bygone attraction away. “Babysit Soos while I’m gone.”

“Alright, Soos,” Steven began with an eager grin. “Are you ready to go out there and find that special someone, then settle down with her and move into a cute three bedroom house in the suburbs, where you’ll live happily ever after with your kids and grandkids until you’re both old and grey?”

“Uh… I-I dunno, dude…” Soos frowned, breaking into a nervous sweat. “I thought I was just here to find a date…”

“You are, Soos,” Dipper assured much more rationally than Steven had. “And there’s no pressure in finding one either. You know, aside from the whole, you have to get one by the end of the week thing. B-but other than that, no pressure!”

“Um… r-right…” the handyman gulped anxiously as he looked between the boys. “So, uh… any advice before I go out there and try this whole ‘flirting’ thing again? I mean, both of you dudes have been on dates before, haven’t you?”

“Oh, well, I—uh… hm…” Steven trailed off, thoughtfully glancing down as he pondered this question.

“Um… well, not technically, but I… I’ve… uh…” Dipper also struggled to properly answer this question as him and Steven exchanged an awkward glance of realization.

“Huh, what do you know? I guess neither of us have been on an actual date before,” the young Gem mused thoughtfully.

“Oh, that doesn’t matter,” Dipper remarked dismissively, trying to paly off his own slight embarrassment with this fact. “It’s not like flirting is even that hard anyway. Just go up to any of those women and be yourself, Soos. You’re good at that.”

“Er… I-I guess so…” Soos rubbed his arm, still quite apprehensive about the whole thing. “But what if I-”

“Aaaaand flirt!” Steven interupted with a blow of his whistle, prompting the handyman to rush forward in a sudden panic. As Soos frantically hurried off to strike up a conversation with the nearest female, the boys stood by, confident that their efforts in match making would be a success. “You know, I’ve got a good feeling about this,” Steven remarked with a proud smile, not even noticing as Soos inadvertently scared off a woman just a few feet away.

All the same, the handyman didn’t stop trying after this first failed attempt, mostly at the earnest urging of his two young coaches. The boys hid on the other side of a decorative fountain as they watched Soos approach another woman, all while Steven held up a sign reminding him to maintain eye contact with her when addressing her. Which was exactly what the handyman did, albeit to his detriment.

“Hey there!” he greeted the woman boisterously. “I’m not scared of your eyes at all! I’m gonna look at them!” At this, he used his fingers to pry his eyes open wide, which of course, sent the woman running off in fear, despite the fact that Soos followed her, his eyes still held open all the while. “Eye contact!”

Seeing as how their first bout of dating advice hadn’t quite worked as expected, Dipper and Steven decided to go a different route by encouraging Soos to focus on conversation first. The handyman heeded this tip as he started up a rather one-sided conversation with at the arcade.

“So, uh, you know, I actually got trapped inside a pinball machine before,” Soos remarked, leaning against the pinball machine the woman was clearly paying more attention to than him. “I guess it was like, cursed or something. It nearly killed me and my friends for cheating. Pretty crazy, huh?” The woman only responded with a frustrated growl as she apparently lost, and based on the sullen glare she sent Soos as she walked away, she more than likely blamed him. “Hey, where are you going?”

With Soos’ attempts getting him nowhere fast and the boys running out of viable advice to give him, they eventually just resorted to telling him to remain confident, which was what he somewhat put into practice while talking to a goth of indeterminate gender outside of Edgy on Purpose. “So, you’re probably a girl, right?” He paused, unsure of this assumption as the bored goth gave him no reply. “Wrong…? No, I was right the first time. …Wrong?”

“Oh boy…” Dipper muttered to Steven as the two watched the handyman figuratively crash and burn from a distance, both of them knowing that their endeavors had been completely fruitless thus far. “This might be a lot harder than we thought…”

After deciding to split up with Steven and Dipper, Mabel and Connie wasted no time in rushing up to the temple, both of them more curious to know what Jamie’s letter said than anything else. They knew it would have been wrong to simply open it and read it themselves, which was why they hoped they could catch the Gem leader before she headed off on another mission. Which fortunately enough, they did.

“Garnet! Garnet! Garnet!” Mabel shouted, bursting into the house with Connie following right behind. “The most unbelievable thing just happened! You’ll totally die of shock!”

“Well, I don’t know if its that shocking…” Connie mused. “But it is kinda surprising.”

“Sorry, you two,” Garnet interjected calmly as she summoned a pair of goggles over her usual visor. “I’m busy.”

“B-but you got a letter!” Mabel halted the Gem leader before she could leave.

Garnet paused, her expression as unreadable as ever as she turned back to the girls, lifting up her goggles as she did. “Read it.”

The girls exchanged a quick glance at this, but even so, Mabel wasted no time in opening the letter up and reading the heartfelt message Jamie had written. “To Garnet,” she began, mimicking the mailman’s knack for theatrics as she read it as dramatic and passionately as she could. “When I saw you emerge like an ancient forest nymph, a white hot steel pierced the deepest artery of my being. You—you are a cardiac surgeon and I am your transplant patient and you stand poised over my chest, holding still my beating heart; hesitating, waiting, wondering—Ohhhh, this is so steamy!” Mabel interjected with a girlish squeal before continuing. “So I implore you to join me for dinner or maybe lunch if you wanna keep it casual, next Friday at The Club! I await your response, as the camellia awaits the rise of the moon! Cause, you know, it only blooms at night and stuff. Love, Jamie.” As soon as she was finished, Mabel let out another excited gasp, hugging the letter before letting out a wistful sigh. “Oh, how romantic! I wish a cute guy would come along and write me a little like this! I’d be his in a heartbeat!”

“Whoa, wait a second…” Connie said, glancing up to the Gem leader. “Garnet… I think Jamie is asking you out… on a date!”

A beat of somewhat awkward silence passed at this revelation, the prospect of such an idea only left hanging in the air for a moment until Mabel spoke up to stanchly shut it down. “Oh, well, that ain’t happening.”

“Nope,” Garnet readily agreed, hands on her hips.

“Why not?” Connie asked with a confused frown.

“Because Garnet can’t be in a relationship, silly!” Mabel grinned knowingly. “She already is a relationship! And a really, really cute one too, might I add.”

“Why, thank you,” Garnet said with a soft, amused chuckle.

“Ohhh, you mean cause she’s a fusion,” Connie mused in realization.

“Ruby and Sapphire are already so perfect together; it just wouldn’t make any sense to tear such an adorable couple apart!” Mabel quipped, clearly gushing with zeal by this point, though she hardly cared.

“Hm… So I guess this date with Jamie is out of the question, then…” Connie assumed, glancing back at the letter as Mabel handed it off to her.

“Three’s a crowd,” Garnet remarked, adjusting her shades.

“But guys, Jamie but so much thought into this letter,” Connie contested sympathetically. “It would be rude not to reply!” Despite her lack of enthusiasm with the matter, Garnet dryly agreed to this and in no time at all, the trio had taken a spot on the couch so to formulate some kind of response. “Ok, Garnet,” Connie began as she prepared to write out whatever the Gem leader dictated. “It might be best to play off the tone of his letter.”

“Oh! Good idea, Connie!” Mabel exclaimed brightly. “You can use lots of big, fancy words, just like he did! And maybe even throw in a few smiley faces or a drawing of a kitten, just to show there’s no hard feelings.”

“And we should probably start off with something like… ‘Dearest Jamie’…” Connie wrote before glancing up at the Gem leader herself for more. “Ok, go for it, Garnet!”

“Start with the letter ‘n’,” she instructed right off.

“Um… ok…” Connie frowned, slightly confused as she wrote this first letter down. “What’s next?”

“Uh, the letter ‘o’.”

“…Ok…” Connie raised an eyebrow as she tried to understand what the Gem leader was doing here. “You can just say the whole word instead of spelling it out, you know.”

“Period.”

“Hm… so… N-O-period?” Connie read, immediately understanding Garnet’s intention as she did. “Oh…”

“Uh… well, at least its to the point?” Mabel said with a small shrug. “Still, I think we’re gonna need a little more than that…”

“‘The end. Forever. And even after that’,” Garnet added succinctly.

“‘Sincerely yours, Garnet’!” Mabel finished effervescently, finishing the letter off herself before scribbling a picture of a cat onto it. “Aw, so cute! This’ll be the most adorable rejection letter Jamie’s ever gotten, for sure!”

“Well, at least it’ll be that if nothing else…” Connie said, somewhat worried. “Garnet, do you want us to find Jamie and give this to him for you?”

The Gem leader simply shrugged, showing her general apathy towards the situation as a whole off in her response. “Sure.”

“Well, then let’s get going!” Mabel hopped off the couch, pulling Connie up along with her as they began to head out. “It’s time to be the mailmen to the mailman! Well, technically, we’re mailgirls, but still. To mail and beyond!”

Stan figured that before searching out a new attraction for the shack, he might as well get rid of one of its oldest ones, hence why he had no initial qualms about hauling Goldie off to the dumpster behind the mall. That is, until he actually got there to do it.

“Tossin’ away garbage, in the garbage can,” the conman sung blithely to himself before lifting the machine up and into the dumpster itself. “Phew!” he exclaimed, wiping the sweat from his brow before he happened to glance back at Goldie’s homely, yet also somehow dejected face popping out of the trash. “Aw, don’t look at me like that. This is how it’s gotta be.”

Ironically enough, at that very moment, a bit of oil happened to leak out of one of Goldie’s eyes, almost as if the machine was “crying” over its abandonment. Stan simply cringed at this, uncomfortable with the strange sense of guilt in his gut as he abruptly shut the dumpster. His remorse didn’t last long however, as he happened to notice a group of giggling kids run past him, all of them clearly eager to head into the building nearby. “What in the…?” the conman trailed off, curious as he followed them into a place of unspeakable horrors.

Immediately, Stan was already overwhelmed by the grating sounds of arcade machines, modern music, and children laughing. But even worse were the sights of the “hip” wall mounted beaver head, the greasy pizza dripping cheese onto the floor as a kid shoved it into his mouth, and the machines dispensing piles of tickets to eager, albeit somewhat greedy children. “Ugh, what is this place?” the conman recoiled in disgust as he looked around. “And why do kids love it so much?”

No sooner had he asked this question than a large crowd of cheering children garnished his attention towards the gaudy stage they were gathered in front of. The kids all watched with apt attention and apparent adoration as the curtains peeled back to reveal a band of animatronic animals, the leader of which was a badger clad in flashy 90’s attire. “Who wants to get baaaaadgered?!” the animatronic shouted, strumming his guitar as the kids in the audience cheered wildly for him.

“What?” Stan asked flatly, not understanding what the appeal was supposed to be here.

“Oh yeah, that’s Will E. Badger,” the restaurant’s manager, a young man with a nametag reading “Gary” remarked casually as he came to stand next to the conman. “He opens for Hoo-Ha and the Jamboree.”

Stan scoffed at this as he looked back to the dancing animatronic on stage, still failing to recognize it as anything special, even as the kids in the audience clamored for the badger. “Now give me your moneeeeey!” Will E. sang, holding his cap out. As gullible as the children were, they all instantly tossed their change and cash into the hat without any qualms whatsoever, much to Stan’s amazed shock.

“Whoa!” he exclaimed with wide eyes, instantly seeing how such a thing could work to earn anybody copious amounts of cash, including him. “Sir, I would like to buy that badger.”

“Pfft, you’re in over your head, gramps,” Gary laughed condescendingly. “Animatronics is a young man’s game. You couldn’t handle the hardcore life of a pizza-robot manager.” He ignored the fierce, bitter glare the conman sent his way as he overheard a child vomiting on the other side of the restaurant and hurried off to take care of it. “Hey, you! Barfin’ in the ball pit! Gary’s on the case!”

“I couldn’t ‘handle’ it, huh?” Stan growled to himself after Gary left. “We’ll just see about that. I’m gonna get that badger…” The conman’s scowl soon turned into a sly grin as he glanced back over at Will E. Badger, knowing that a Revenge Trip would be an ideal way to nab him. “And I think I know the perfect Gem to recruit for the job…”

After what felt like countless failed flirting ventures, Soos finally decided to tap out and take a much-needed break. The handyman was clearly in low spirits over his seemingly complete incapability to talk to anyone of the opposite gender, but even so, Steven and Dipper did what they could to console and reassure him in order to get him back in the game.

“Aw, don’t worry, Soos,” Steven said with a comforting smile. “So what if you weren’t able to talk to any of those ladies without scaring them off and so what if one of them actually beat you away with her purse? That doesn’t mean you won’t find a girl who won’t run away screaming when you try to flirt with them!”

“I think what Steven’s trying to say is that you just need to keep trying,” Dipper remarked a bit more tactfully. “After all, you’ve only been at it for a day; you still have the rest of the week before you absolutely have to get a date.”

“I appreciate what you dudes are trying to do…” Soos began with a dejected sigh. “But let’s face it; this whole dating thing is hopeless… Could this day get any worse?” The handyman was quick to find that it certainly could as he glanced up and happened to see a familiar young couple wander by several feet away. “Oh no! Cousin Reggie!” the handyman gasped upon spotting his cousin and his fiancé, both of whom were chuckling blissfully as they enjoyed each other’s company. “H-he can’t see me like this! I gotta hide!”

Before either of the boys could stop him, Soos hopped up from his seat and hurried into the nearby video game store. Not knowing what else to do, the handyman hurried to the closest shelf of games and tucked down behind it, his nervous panting soon turning into another morose sigh. “This is it, Soos: a lifetime of loneliness,” he bemoaned to himself before taking a pair of games from the shelf. “You’re the only ones who could love me, Fighty Hogg, Dr. Punch Head, M.D.” Soos started to put both games back, only to pause upon noticing a rather interesting looking title sitting in a clearance box in front of him. “Huh, never seen that one before…” he mused as he grabbed the game, its cover depicting a very colorful anime-esque young woman with a wide, endearing smile. “Romance Academy 7… ‘Virtually improve your dating skills. Nine out of ten basement dwellers recommend.’ This is perfect!”

“Well, I guess you are better at games than at flirting,” Dipper noted as him and Steven joined the handyman and noticed the game he had found.

“Oh! This could be just the kind of controlled, consequence free romance practice you need to get you back out there, Soos!” Steven chimed in with full support.

“Um, I’m not sure you wanna buy that game, sir…” the store clerk spoke up from behind the counter with an uncertain frown. “This is the third time someone’s brought it back and there’s a note on it that says ‘destroy at all costs’.”

While Soos didn’t really heed this warning, Steven and Dipper somewhat did as they exchanged a somewhat wary glance before looking to the game again, wondering what could possibly be so bad about it to elicit such an ominous warning. However, this concern was quickly put out of both of their heads as they glanced back at Soos, who was in the process of flirting with one of the store’s female cardboard cutouts. “So, hey there. What’s your deal? Like to-” As the he leaned against the cutout, it of course, fell over, eliciting a frightened cry from the handyman. “Oh no! She’s dead!”

“I… think we’ll take our chances,” Dipper said, both him and Steven knowing that Soos could use all the help he could get. Even if said help came in the form of a seemingly innocent video game, even despite the apparent, more than likely unwarranted warnings against it.

“Where do you think Jamie could be?” Connie asked Mabel as they wandered through downtown in search of the mailman. They carried Garnet’s response letter in tow with them, neither of them thinking about how Jamie might react to it, hence their relative lack of hesitance in wanting to find him and hand it over.

“Who knows? He could be dropping off mail halfway around the world by now!” Mabel exclaimed worriedly.

“Mabel, I’m pretty sure Jamie’s just a local mailman…” Connie noted. “That said, he could be literally anywhere here in Gravity Falls, so maybe we should-”

“Oh, wait! There he is!” Mabel pointed down towards the lake, where the mailman sat upon a log on the shore, wistfully staring up into the afternoon sky. That is, until the pair of girls hurried down to join him. “Jamie!”

“Huh? Oh, hi, Connie and Mabel,” he greeted the girls with a warm smile as they sat down on the log next to him. “You guys come down here to stare at the lake and think about life too?”

“Uh, no…?” Connie frowned, exchanging a confused glance with Mabel. “We just came to-”

“Yeah, life is crazy,” Jamie interupted, still clearly lost in his own deep thoughts. “One day, you’re right here in Gravity Falls, delivering mail, and then the next thing you know, you’re on a bus to Kansas, following your dreams to becoming an actor. ‘Follow your dreams,’ they said. But no one said anything about all the rejection and sadness there was to be found.” The mailman paused dramatically, letting his words sink in as he clenched his fists and looked to the sky once again. “So many auditions, day after day. So much rejection, day after day! That’s why I came back. One more rejection certainly would have destroyed my fragile heart!”

The girls were both at a complete loss of what to say after hearing all this, especially as Jamie choked out a small sob, completely caught up in the emotion of his monologue. He quickly wiped his tears away however, letting out a small chuckle as he brought himself back down to earth once again. “Sorry, sometimes I get caught up in the ‘drama zone’, you know?”

“Uh… yeah… ‘drama zone’…” Mabel repeated, suddenly quite apprehensive as she remembered Garnet’s letter.

“Oh, by the way,” Connie spoke up, pulling out said letter. “We have something for yo-”

“No, we don’t!” Mabel quickly cut in, stopping Connie before she could hand it over to him. While she was initially confused at first by this, Connie quickly understood exactly why Mabel was suddenly hesitant to give Jamie Garnet’s correspondence upon seeing the infatuated look in the mailman’s eyes as he looked up into the sky and remembered what he had just said about facing rejection.

“Oh, uh, n-no, we…. Uh… never mind!” Connie exclaimed rather awkwardly as Jamie looked to the pair, growing somewhat confused by their odd behavior.

“W-we gotta go now! Somewhere really far away, don’t ask where!” Mabel hurriedly as both her and Connie got up and began to briskly walk away. “Bye!”

“Oh, uh… ok then…” Jamie frowned as he waved them farewell. “Bye!” He paused for a beat as he watched them leave before turning back to his skygazing. “Huh, weird.”

Meanwhile, the girls wasted no time in rushing back for the temple as fast as they could, both of them knowing that they had to come up with an entirely new strategy of setting the mailman’s misguided affections straight. Unfortunately, Garnet herself was no longer there, which meant that they couldn’t go to her for advice on the matter, which meant that they were left to come up to a solution to this rather difficult situation all on their own.

“Augh, how are we supposed to give that letter to Jamie now?” Mabel asked fretfully as she paced around the house. “You heard what he said; any more rejection will ‘destroy his fragile heart’ and we can’t do that!”

“There has to be a better way to do this…” Connie said thoughtfully as she sat on the couching, staring down at Garnet’s letter. “One that won’t ruin Jamie’s emotions with unbridled tactfulness…”

“Maybe we could hire a barber shop quartet or a mariachi band to sing the news to him!” Mabel suggested. “That way it’d be way more fun to hear and not as heavy as a plain old ‘no’,” she threw on a scowl, crossing her arms as she mimicked Garnet’s accent.

“Or better yet…” Connie grinned as she began to erase Garnet’s letter entirely. “We can make adjustments. We can match Jamie’s poetic language and let him down easy! I watched some episodes of a torrid soap opera once, so I’m confident that I get the gist of romance!”

“And I’ve read more than a few passionate romance novels and fanfictions in my time,” Mabel grinned daringly. “So between you and me, we’re bound to come up with something that’ll let Jamie know just how much Garnet isn’t into him. The right way!”

“Ok, so…” Connie cleared her throat before she began to dictate what she was writing down. “Dear Jamie, you, dear camellia, expectantly await the light of my moon. Yet my light is more of a scorching, wilting, dry desert heat. And as your metaphorical surgeon, it is with a heavy heart that I urge you to seek a second opinion. I return your heart to you-”

“Also, tell him that his hair is pretty!” Mabel interjected. “And that the blue in his mailman uniform is really his color!”

“Hair… is pretty… Blue… is your color…” Connie muttered, still writing. “Yours, but not really, Garnet.”

“It’s perfect,” Mabel grinned, looking over the letter for herself. “Still missing one thing though...”

“Let me guess,” Connie smirked as Mabel started to doodle on the blank space left on the page. “A picture of a kitten?”

“They say that kittens make 99% of breakups less painful,” Mabel professed astutely. “And while this isn’t exactly a breakup, per se, I’m pretty sure the same basic principle still applies.”

Connie couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle at this as her and Mabel got up to take their letter down to the mailbox in the hopes that Jamie would pick it up during his next mail delivery. Both of them were aptly confident that it would not only get Garnet’s message across, but that it would do so in a gentle, painless way that wouldn’t emotionally cripple the mailman for years to come. But for now, all they could do was send their letter out and wait and see what might come of it, hoping that Jamie’s allegedly ‘fragile heart’ would remain intact through it all.

Seeing as how Soos clearly wasn’t getting anywhere with his real-life flirting ventures, he agreed with the boys on heading home not long after her purchased Romance Academy 7. The handyman was rather eager to see what his new game had to offer in the way of teaching him about dating, hence why he wasted no time once he got home in putting the disk into his computer and booting it right up.

The first thing Soos was met with was the flashy, pixelated logo for the game’s developer, “Year 2000 Electronics”, giving him a brief taste of what the rest of the software would look like. “Man, I can’t wait for the year 2000,” he remarked with a wistful grin before the game’s very colorful menu loaded up. Upon clicking the start button, the handyman read along to the game’s mistranslated poetic text. “When the cherry petals of magical romance academy are in bloom… anthyding can hadplen.’ That is so true.”

With its introduction over, the game’s screen switched over to a simple classroom setting, though a moment later, a pixelated girl appeared standing over it. She was admittedly quite cute, with long pink hair, a large, computer ribbon bow, a colorful school uniform, bright, sparkly eyes, and a wide, cheery smile. “Oh, hi there!” she quipped, her tone robotic, yet quite effervescent as she held a binder to her chest. “My name is .GIFfany. I’m a schoolgirl at School University. Will you help me carry my books?”

At this prompting, a series of three options popped up, raging from “Yes of course!”, “Date me now!”, and “Hey look, a squid!” “Hm…” Soos pondered, looking over these choices for a moment. “I’m really feeling number two…” The handyman clicked it, only for the game to buzz loudly in response to his incorrect choice. “Ah! Oh no! I messed up!” he cried, flinching away from the computer. “I-I’m sorry! Please don’t whip your purse out and beat me with it like that other lady!”

“That’s ok,” .GIFfany assured, much to Soos’ surprise. “Try again!”

“Huh?” Soos blinked, taken aback by this lack of an initial rejection. Even so, he collected himself and clicked on the first option, which the game celebrated with the reward of 100 ‘love points’ and a rousing chime of triumph. “Wow, I’m learning!” the handyman grinned, pleased with his newfound success. “And games are making it fun!”

“What would you like to talk about?” .GIFfany implored as the options “Your interests!”, “Samurais!”, and “Squids!” appeared next to her.

“Hm… I’d rather just click your face…” Soos mused as he did just that, eventually eliciting a stilted laugh from .GIFfany.

“Ha ha, you are so funny!” she grinned warmly, much to the handyman’s delight.

“Man, this game is amazing!” he exclaimed. “I don’t know why anyone would abandon it.”

“And I sure you’ll never abandon me, new boyfriend…” .GIFfany remarked, her constant grin taking on almost an almost manic appearance at this, though Soos didn’t notice.

“Boyfriend?” Soos repeated with a coy smirk, somewhat amazed to finally find someone willing to call him by that coveted title. “Oh my, .GIFfany, that’s so totally sweet of you! It’s almost like you’re actually alive!”

“Yes…” .GIFfany glanced to the side, still smiling as always. “Almost…” From there, the program broke into another gale of her robotic, rhythmic laugh, one that Soos couldn’t help but join in on.

“Oh man, you have such a nice laugh!” he chuckled brightly, more than ready to spend the rest of the evening with .GIFfany, given her very amicable personality. What the handyman didn’t notice, however, was the fact that even though the game was apparently running as smooth as silk, his computer wasn’t even plugged in…

The next morning saw Dipper and Steven rising early, both of them still intent on keeping their promise to Soos and helping him land a date. They met up at the shack first, but upon finding that he strangely hadn’t shown up for his shift from Stan, they decided to go over to his house to check on the handyman themselves. The sight they found open entering Soos’ room was rather disconcerting, as the handyman was still sitting in front of his computer, where he had clearly been all night, judging from the heavy bags under his eyes. Yet all the same, he hardly seemed to be tired at all as he continued his ongoing conversation with .GIFfany with a bright smile, completely captivated by the pixelated company he was keeping.

“So that’s basically my entire life story,” Soos finished with a chuckle. “Now you tell me a thing about you!”

“Every time you compliment me, I get another highlight in my eyes!” .GIFfany proclaimed cheerfully, pointing to her already quite detailed eyes.

“Uh… you’re pretty!” Soos ventured, which resulted in .GIFfany letting out an excited squee as her eyes did indeed sparkle. “And pixely!” The program gasped once again, her eyes shining brightly as she gladly took in everything he told her. “And so agreeable!” By now, .GIFfany’s eyes had reached their maximum brightness, to the point that stars, hearts, cat heads and even planets had appeared in them. “Yes!” the handyman cheered, satisfied that his time with the program was being very well spent.

“Uh… Soos?”

Soos flinched upon hearing a voice other than .GIFfany’s, though he still grinned as he turned to face Steven and Dipper as they stood in his doorway, watching him interact with the game with slight concern. “Oh, hey, dudes! Come in! This game is amazing! I’m making eye contact, going on dates, and I haven’t seen any natural sunlight for thirteen hours! It’s the best!”

“Um… that’s great, Soos,” Steven said with a halfhearted smile. “But since you’re learning so much, don’t you think its time you put all these new skills to use in talking to real girls?”

“Uh… m-maybe…” Soos frowned as he glanced back at .GIFfany, hesitant to leave her hanging. “B-but I’m about to meet her parents! Her dad is an octopus man!”

The boys exchanged a rather dubious glance at this, both of them starting to think that the handyman might be growing a bit too attached to his new game. This was all but confirmed for them as Steven pulled the window blinds open, only for Soos to hurriedly retreat under his desk to hide from the suddenly bright, piercing light of day.

“Come on, Soos,” Dipper urged as he began to pull Soos out from under his desk and out of his room. “We’re going back to the mall to get you a real date. You need to unplug!”

“Ah! B-but I-” Soos cut himself off as he stole one final glance at .GIFfany, who was still beaming brightly on his monitor, just as she always did. “I-I’ll see you later, .GIFfany! I’ll be back, I swear!”

“Soos, don’t feel bad!” Steven chuckled as he began heading out after Soos and Dipper. “It’s just a game. You don’t have to wish it goodbye, even if it does seem really nice. It’ll be right there waiting for you when you get home. It’s not like it’s going anywhere.”

And with this, the young Gem closed the door behind him as the trio set off for the mall, not noticing .GIFfany as she got the final say in the matter. “Yes… It’s not like I’m going anywhere,” she remarked knowingly right before the computer shut off. An arc of electricity passed from it onto an electronic toy on the shelf, before flowing into the clock next to it and passing into a power outlet before connecting with the power cables outside. Despite the boys’ assumption that .GIFfany would stay put, she had no intentions of doing anything of the sort; no, instead, she was going to follow her new ‘boyfriend’ in any means necessary. Wherever Soos went, then that’s where she went too. Just like the perfect girlfriend should.

Even so, only a moment or two passed after .GIFfany’s departure than the door to Soos’ bedroom opened once again, only this time, Abuelita was the one to poke her head inside it. “Hello…?” she glanced around, making sure no one was there before talking over to the desk and grabbing a small journal. “Time to read Soos’ diary.”

Since Mabel and Connie had been a bit too late in waking up to accompany Steven and Dipper in helping Soos, they decided to spend the day up at the temple instead, mostly to celebrate their own successful navigation in clearing Jamie’s affections for Garnet away. Their purpose there was twofold, however, as they both wanted to be the ones to tell the Gem leader that they had promptly and painlessly delivered her message to the mailman. And as the Gem leader arrived via the warp pad, the girls eagerly did just that.

“Garnet! Garnet! Guess what?” Mabel grinned as she bounded up to the Gem leader, Connie rushing in not too far behind. “We delivered your letter to Jamie yesterday, just like we said we would!”

“Well… we delivered a version of it…” Connie corrected, being a bit more honest.

“Letter?” Garnet tilted her head in slight confusion.

“Uh, yeah… the one for Jamie? Where you basically just turned him asking you on a date down?” Mabel ventured tentatively.

“Jamie?”

“You know, the mailman?” Connie asked with a small frown.

“Oh, right,” Garnet mused somewhat apathetically. “The mailman. Almost forgot about him.”

“Uh… well, anyway, we gave him your letter!” Mabel quipped with renewed verve. “And as far as we know, he took it pretty well. And honesty, how couldn’t he take it well seeing as how it was so, uh… well worded!”

“Hm,” Garnet nodded as she succinctly turned to head into the temple, leaving the girls to let out a shared sigh of relief.

“Well, its nice to know that all this love letter business is over with,” Connie remarked as she plopped down on the couch, Mabel doing the same thing. “For a second there, I was worried that things were gonna get way over dramatic.”

“Tell me about it,” Mabel agreed. “Don’t get me wrong, I love some good drama, but I have a feeling this would have turned into the bad kind of drama if it had gone on any-”

“Garnet!” A sudden familiar shout from outside jolted both girls upright in their seats, one that unquestionably belonged to the mailman himself.

“Oh no…” they both muttered in worried unison, though all the same, they rushed outside onto the porch to find exactly what they had been expecting. Standing before the temple was none other than Jamie himself, his posture and expression both awash in passion and desire as he addressed the Gem leader.

“Garnet! Where art thou, my sweet, scorching sunbeam?” he cried zealously, eyes shut as he shouted his proclamations up to the sky more than anything else. “I read thy letter and I understand. Thou hast returneth mine heart!”

“What?!” Mabel gasped, alarmed at just how much the mailman had misinterpreted things.

“N-no!” Connie shook her head, grabbing the porch railing tightly. “That’s not what we-”

“Garnet!” Jamie boldly continued, still completely unaware that the Gem leader wasn’t even present. “You like my hair just as I adore yours! And as my color may be blue, yours is an elegant, majestic magenta! Come to me, Garnet! So that we may caterwaul into the night together like two of the graceful felines you drew upon your letter to me!”

“Jamie!” the girls finally interupted the mailman’s heartfelt speech, directing his gaze up to them as they looked down at him fretfully.

“Ah! Young ladies Mabel and Connie!” he greeted them brightly. “Pray thee, where is Lady Garnet?”

“Uh, she’s—no, she’s not coming,” Mabel said, trying her best to be firm, but gentle.

“But I’ve come to proclaim my love for my woman!”

“But Jamie, you don’t understand!” Connie tried to reason. “We-” She cut herself off with a gasp as Garnet suddenly emerged from the house, her expression as neutral as ever as she came to stand alongside the girls to see what all the fuss was about.

“Garnet! Ha, I knew you’d come!” Jamie exclaimed with a huge, affectionate grin. “You can tell the girls here all about the beautiful things you wrote to me in your missive!” His smile widened as he produced the letter, holding it up for the Gem leader to see.

Garnet paused only for a moment, tilting her head once more before very bluntly stating the truth. “I didn’t write that.”

“B-but its all right here!” Jamie argued, looking over the letter again. “Stained with my tears of joy as I read ever single beautiful, emotionally charged word!”

“Mm… Connie and I wrote that letter, Jamie!” Mabel blurted out before she could stop herself.

“Mabel!” Connie exclaimed, surprised by her willingness to just openly admit this.

“Sorry, Connie, but its time we came clean,” Mabel shook her head in shame. “We’ve already turned this whole thing into an even bigger mess than it already is.”

“W-wait… I… I don’t understand…” Jamie frowned down at the letter, woe starting to flood his expression. “What’s going on here?”

“We’re so, so sorry, Jamie,” Mabel said with complete sincerity. “We just wanted to let you down easily. We never meant for things to get this… well, dramatic.”

Jamie finally dropped the letter, tears starting to well up in his eyes as he looked to Garnet in complete and utter desperation. “W-Willst thou not scorch me, my darling sun?”

Garnet pulled herself up to her full height at this, prepared to lay down the law where the girls hadn’t been able to before as she spoke with complete, absolute authority. “I am not, nor will I ever be interested. Go away!”

The mailman gasped at this, clutching at his chest as though the Gem leader had physically struck his heart. And she might as well have for all the pain he was apparently going through, his expression rife with grief as he let out a loud, broken, miserable sob. “M-my panache!” he wailed morosely before he abruptly turned and ran off, crying tears of noisy anguish all the while.

Garnet hardly seemed phased by this show of heartbreak as she simply turned and headed back inside without another word, leaving the girls to exchange a guilty, worried glance. “Well, so much for keeping things from getting any worse…” Connie muttered as Mabel let out a defeated sigh, knowing that they had both inadvertently done just that.

Needless to say that after his almost perfect, all-night-long chat with .GIFfany, Soos was anything but excited about plunging headfirst back into the world of real-life flirting. Still, upon Steven and Dipper’s insistence, he went with them back to the mall, but only in the hopes that the day would go by fast so he could be reunited with his newfound pixelated sweetheart once more.

“Ok, Soos, let’s get operation ‘find you a date’ rolling again!” Steven eagerly grinned to the anxious handyman. “I’ll even help you get a head start by finding you a few girls to start out with. Be right back.”

“Steven, wait, how are you going to-” Dipper quickly received an answer to his unfinished question as the young Gem ran into the nearby food court, jumping onto a table and excitably speaking his piece through the megaphone he had brought along with him.

“Hi, everyone!” Steven began brightly and loudly, ignoring how the megaphone screeched glaringly as soon as he turned it on. “Ok, so quick question, how many of you ladies out there are still waiting for that ‘special someone’ to come along?” He paused, smiling as he saw a few hesitant female hands raise within the immediate vicinity. “Great! Uh, well, it’s not great that you guys are single, but its great that you won’t be for much longer, since my buddy Soos over there is just as available as all of you!” The handyman flinched, caught of guard as Steven pointed him out, eliciting a round of confused, rather disinterested glances from the women in the crowd. “So get on over there and mingle to your heart’s content! You won’t regret it!”

“And… here comes security…” Dipper noted upon spotting the pair of officers heading over to remove Steven from his table perch. “I’ll handle this. Stay here and practice on some real girls, okay, Soos?”

“B-but wait! I-” Soos cut himself off as Dipper hurried off, effectively leaving him all along. Immediately, the handyman longed for .GIFfany’s comfortable, albeit computerized company, seeing as how she clearly already taken such a strong liking to him, something that had happened through very little effort on his part. But now, here he was, adrift in a sea of completely unfamiliar women, none of whom were guaranteed to even give him the time of day like .GIFfany so readily had.

“Oh man…” Soos muttered anxiously to himself as he aimlessly stumbled through the crowd, desperately searching for any woman that looked even the slightest bit approachable. “These girls have so many dimensions! And no explaination-ing menus!”

As the handyman continued fearfully backing away in an attempt to seek refuge, he accidentally ended up backing into a woman, knocking both her and her bag to the ground. “Ah! My purse!” she cried in appalled surprise as she started to pick it up while Soos turned to her apologetically.

“Oh no! Undo! Undo!” he exclaimed, expecting this social error to be corrected just as easily as the ones he had made in playing Romance Academy 7 usually were. But of course, it wasn’t.

“You can’t undo who you are…” the woman hissed darkly, sending the handyman a fierce, judgmental glare. Needless to say that Soos panicked at such a harsh response, fleeing before he could even try to smooth the situation over and tucking himself out of the way in front of the television store.

“Ugh, why is this real life flirting thing so hard?!” he groaned, facepalming as he leaned against the storefront. “This is the worst. I wish I was back home with-”

“Hi, Soos!”

Soos jumped at this cheery voice, spinning around to the array of screens on display behind him to find an ironically, familiar pixelated face. “.GIFfany! Oh man, I’m so relieved to see you! Talking to you is way easier than talking to real girls, mostly cause you agree with like almost everything I say. Though I gotta admit, I am kinda confused about how you’re… ya know, here?”

“Oh, Soos,” .GIFfany chuckled coyly, nodding over to the screen next to her, where a perfect double of her appeared before continuing. “I am not an ordinary game.” Another .GIFfany showed up on yet another screen, bewildering Soos even more. “I am… special.” The program’s smile widened across the board as she pointed to an electronic toy dog near one of her screens, making in bark solely upon her electrified command. “I became something more than what the programmers wanted me to be. They tried to delete me,” A rare hint of bitterness entered .GIFfany’s tone as one of the screens showed a room of faceless figures hard at work programming on computers. One of them began to panic as their screen flashed red, only for a burst of lightning to lash out from the machine and zap the programmer, disintegrating them on contact. “So I had to delete them.”

“Whoa…” Soos muttered with wide eyes, taking just the smallest step back away from the screens .GIFfany was occupying. “W-what did you do to them?”

Suddenly, a myriad of .GIFfany’s appeared over all of the TV screens on the store front, all of them beaming warmly as they looked down at Soos. “That’s not important,” she assured, her tone as robotic as ever. “What’s important is that as long as you have me, you won’t have to talk to real girls ever again. You and me can be together-” She paused, only long enough for her presence to overtake all of the screens to create a huge, singular .GIFfany, her arms outstretched to the handyman in loving affection as her many voices echoed together. “FOREVER!”

“Wow, that’s awesome!” Soos exclaimed with a renewed smile, almost completely forgetting the ominous implications the program had laid down just a moment ago. Almost. “Sort of a red flag, but mostly awesome! So, what do you wanna do now?”

“Anything you want, Soos!” .GIFfany obliged brightly. And the program was true to her word on this as she happily went along with the handyman’s suggestion of riding the small stationary train in the mall’s kid’s zone. As Soos sat on the train itself, .GIFfany had connected with the machine and put herself on its screen, riding a virtual train within it. Even so, the pair was completely lost in laughter throughout the ride, both of them clearly enjoying each other’s company as much as they had the all of the previous night. While the handyman couldn’t quiet explain it, he felt as though all of his former anxiety about talking to girls completely vanished when he was with the program, who in an of herself seemed completely and utterly infatuated with him. The idea of not having to deal with the pressure of actually find a real flesh and blood date was a very enticing one to Soos, given his complete failure to do so thus far, which was why he figured he’d just ride things out with .GIFfany, both literally as far as the train ride went, and figuratively. After all, certainly there wasn’t any harm in being in a relationship with what was essentially a set of somehow sentient, incredibly devoted pixels. Right?

Despite how much fun Soos and .GIFfany were having with their train ride, it soon came to an end as the handyman’s turn ran out. The screen the program was on went black, and as the train itself instructed him to insert fifty cents to continue, Soos eagerly searched his pockets, only to let out a disappointed sigh a second later. “Aw man… out of quarters… And I was having so much fun too!”

The handyman’s dejection was soon interupted by a nearby laugh, one that came from a young woman who had tucked herself away behind the nearby Meat Cute stand. “Oh, sorry!” she chuckled again, stepping forward and allowing Soos to get a better look at her. She was rather pretty, with a full, but decent figure, light brown hair pulled into a loose, low ponytail, and a colorful uniform that told of her position as an employee of the food cart she stood by. Even so, she gave Soos a grin that was bemused rather than mocking, something the handyman wasn’t really used to, giving how women usually met him with either disinterest or fear. “I didn’t mean to laugh at you. I just think its awesome that you’re a grown man riding a little train like that! You’re like, totally owning it.”

“Huh?” the handyman blinked, unsure of what to make of such a nonjudgmental sentiment. “O-oh yeah. I’m just like, if it’s fun, uh, do it. You know?”

“Exactly!” the woman readily agreed. “Being an adult is the worst. Skewering meat, remembering to pay bills… I just wanna ride tiny trains all day.”

“At least you get to work at Meat Cute,” Soos noted, pointing to her apron. “Extreme lunch meats are the food of the future.”

“I feel the same way, and it’s a legacy I’m proud to be apart of,” the woman said with an intentionally overdramatic grin that soon broke into another small chuckle. “So, do you have a job?”

“Oh, yeah, I work over at the Mystery Shack on the other side of town,” the handyman said, grinning himself now. “Have you ever been there?”

“No, I’ve actually never heard of it before,” the woman shook her head, though she was still smirking all the while. “Sounds pretty mysterious though.”

“It sure is! It’s—ohhhh! I see what you did there!” Soos laughed. “Nice one, dude! Oh, by the way, I’m Soos.”

“Melody,” the woman introduced herself with a warm smile as they shook hands. “You know, you’ve got me pretty curious about this Mystery Shack place. Guess I’ll have to check it out sometime.”

“Oh, you totally should,” Soos nodded before glancing down to the train he was still sitting on. “Speaking of stuff you should check out, if you like robots for kids, you should definitely try the best restaurant of all time!”

“You mean…” Melody began with a growing smile before both her and Soos said its name in excited unison.

“Hoo-Haw Owl’s Pizzamatronic Jamboree!”

Melody broke into another gale of laughter at this, a slight blush lighting up her cheeks as she fiddled with her hair a bit. “Aw, what? You’ve heard of Hoo-Haw Owl’s? I loved that place when I was a kid!”

“Oh yeah, dude! There’s one right in this mall,” Soos grinned brightly. “I should show you sometime.”

“I’m… free around eight…” Melody offered, her blush reddening just the slightest bit.

“Boom! Done,” the handyman agreed, more than happy to oblige.

“Perfect,” Melody smiled cheerfully as she turned to leave, though not before handing Soos off a pair of quarters. “See you then.”

Soo was still smiling himself as he watched her walk away, waving after her as she did the same. “What a nice lady,” he remarked, glad for the enjoyable conversation he had just had with her and already looking forward to their meeting later that evening. “Well, back to riding this tiny train for children.”

Before the handyman could do so, however, he found himself abruptly tacked off of his train and onto the ground by a very excited Steven. “Ahhhh! Soos! You did it!” the young Gem exclaimed, completely elated as he hopped to his feet while Dipper ran over to join them.

“Huh? Did what?” Soos frowned in confusion as he sat up.

“Don’t be so modest, Soos!” Dipper grinned, apparently just as pleased as Steven was. “We saw the whole thing. That was amazing! You talked to a real girl, and you got a date!”

“I did?” Soos balked, still completely bewildered.

“Yeah, you did!” Steven chimed in brightly. “And we’re so proud of you! We told you you could do it, just by being yourself, which is what you did and it worked perfectly! Ah, this is so exciting! I can’t wait to tell Mabel and Connie all about it!”

“You were in the zone, you made eye contact,” Dipper explained to the still rather confused handyman. “It was like you’ve done this a million times before! Don’t you see? That game actually worked!”

“And now that you’re such a pro, you don’t need it anymore,” Steven added. “You can just toss it out!”

“T-toss it?” Soos asked, suddenly uncertain as he remembered exactly what, or rather who was in that game. “Dudes, I don’t… I don’t think I can do that. I like .GIFfany. She’s good to me. She’s predictable.”

“Soos, can a computer game go with you to Reggie’s engagement party with you?” Dipper asked knowingly.

“Uh…” the handyman hesitated upon hearing this, still quite torn, even if the answer was quite obvious here. As much as he appreciated .GIFfany and the company and help she had provided him with, Soos couldn’t very well ever actually have her as a real girlfriend, or even a real date for that matter. And while yes, he had literally just met Melody, at the very least she was a real person, one who, if his supposed “date” with her that evening was a success, could possibly lead to a legitimate relationship, or at least a date to Reggie’s engagement, if nothing else. So as much guilt as it already brought the handyman, he knew what he had to do. “I-I guess you dudes are right… I just don’t know how .GIFfany will react to this though…”

“Aw, Soos, you don’t have to worry about that,” Steven assured. “.GIFfany’s only a game; it can’t really get mad at you or anything. Heck, I’m pretty sure the worst it can do is give you a ‘game over’, which isn’t the end of the world, is it?”

Soos apprehensively agreed with this as he began to leave with the boys, though he failed to notice that, as soon as he had departed, the train screen spark back to life, bearing a certain pink-haired pixelated figure watching him go, one that was far from pleased with what she had just seen and heard…

Though several hours had past since Jamie tearfully fled from Garnet’s presence, both Mabel and Connie still felt quite low about the entire situation at large, knowing that they were largely to blame for how sour things had went. After all, it was their flowery letter that had given the mailman such a drastic false impression about the Gem leader’s feelings, thus prompting him to making his feelings known to her directly and eventually tying into his eventual, inevitable heartbreak. And despite their earlier attempt at trying to rectify this uncomfortable problem, this was something that both Connie and Mabel found themselves at a complete loss to fix.

“I feel so bad for poor Jamie…” Mabel sighed as her and Connie sat at the foot of the steps leading to the temple. “His fragile little overdramatic heart was completely crushed! And it’s all our faults!”

“W-well, look on the bright side,” Connie tried to reassure. “Jamie will probably bounce back from this in no time. He’s probably gonna show up with the mail any moment now.”

Mabel perked up somewhat at this, but before she had a chance to agree with it, the girls were interupted by a call from a bit down the hill. “’Scuse me, kids!” Gravity Falls’ other mailperson, Barb, shouted up to them in her usual quite loud way, mail in hand. “I’m looking for the home of… Steven Universe?”

“Uh, well, he’s not here right now,” Connie said, exchanging a glance with Mabel as they went to meet her. “But we’re friends of his, so-”

“Eh, good enough for me,” Barb concluded with a shrug. “Just figured I’d hand off his mail to someone, since Jamie ain’t up to coming all the way out here and ol’ Stan’s already mad enough as it is about all of his mail bein’ so late for the past month or so which means we can’t skimp out on this neck of the woods anymore.”

“Wait, hold on,” Mabel interjected with a suddenly concerned frown. “Jamie’s… not up to it? What’s that mean?”

“Oh, it means that poor kid’s emotions have been destroyed!”

“What?!” both girls gasped in equal worry at this.

“Yeah, he’s a mess!” Barb nodded, a hint of pity in her tone. “Said he couldn’t bear to deliver mail on this route after having his love spurned.” She struck a dramatic pose at this, one that was very reminiscent of the kind Jamie himself would strike. “He said it just like this. Like when he’s in the ‘drama zone’. Then he clenched his fist and closed his eyes like this. Full of drama till the end. Anyway, here’s a book of coupons,” she finished, handing said coupon book off to Connie. “Have a good one!”

As soon as Barb had left, both girls let out a unified groan of disappointment, largely with themselves for just how severe this had all gotten. “Ugh, this stinks!” Mabel moaned, flopping back down onto the porch step. “We were just trying to help Jamie, and the only thing we ended up doing is ruining any chances he might have had at happiness! I mean, as much happiness as a mailman can get what with being chased by dogs all the time and the whole having to deliver mail in ‘rain, sleet, or snow’ thing.”

“Come on, Mabel, its can’t be that cut and dry,” Connie remarked as she also sat down. “There’s gotta be something we can do to smooth all this over, once and for all.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?” Mabel asked rather flatly, clearly dejected with how far their ultraistic attempts had fallen.

“Uh well… we could… there’s always… hm…” Connie trailed off into thought, largely unsure of what could be done to ease the disaster they had unintentionally caused. Before she could put much thought into formulating any kind of solution however, the girls’ fretful thinking was soon interupted by the boys’ sudden, triumphant arrival.

“Connie! Mabel!” Steven exclaimed somewhat breathlessly as he hurried up to the pair, Dipper hurrying not too far behind. “You guys will never believe what just happened, it was the most amazing thing we’ve ever seen and it was so awesome, and I wish you two could have been there because it was the best, and-”

“Whoa, you might wanna slow down there a second, Steven,” Dipper interjected, something that the girls were rather thankful for, seeing as how they were quite lost. “We’ll have plenty of time to tell them about what happened with Soos. For now, though, I’ve been wondering… where have you guys been the past two days?” he asked Mabel and Connie. “I thought you were gonna catch up with us and help us with Soos after you delivered Jamie’s letter to Garnet.”

“Well, we were gonna do that…” Mabel began with a defeated huff. “Until it turned out that letter was actually a love letter from Jamie to Garnet.”

“Whaaaat?” Steven asked with a sharp gasp. “A love letter? But that’s… wait, Garnet can’t… she’s a-”

“We know,” Connie cut in, wanting to the tale of their grave missteps as short as possible. “And she was gonna just turn him down point-blank until we came up with our own ‘fancy’ letter to try and let him down gently. Unfortunately, he… didn’t really get the point of what we were trying to say…”

“So… what happened then?” Dipper asked with just the slightest smirk of amusement, finding the girls’ plight to initially be rather humorous without knowing just how heavy it actually was. “Don’t tell me he actually tried to ask Garnet out, did he?”

“Actually… he did…” Mabel replied hesitantly, both of the boys losing all sense of levity towards the situation upon seeing how rarely downcast she was. “And she… sorta, completely… shut him down, like really harshly. And now he’s a heartbroken mess and its all because we had to stick our noses where it didn’t belong and we don’t know what to do to make things right and it’s the worst!”

“Oh man…” Steven frowned sympathetically. “It sounds like it’s the worst… I feel so sorry for Jamie… Is there anything we can do to help?”

“Not unless you can go back in time and keep Jamie from ever falling in love with Garnet,” Connie sighed before trying her best to put on a small smile. “But enough about all this sad stuff; what was this big, ‘amazing’ thing you guys wanted to tell us about?”

“Well…” Dipper began with a steadily growing smirk before Steven burst out with the news.

“We helped Soos get a date!” the young Gem cheered, stars of excitement in his eyes.

“What?!” the girls exclaimed, both of them quite surprised to hear this.

“Ok, well, technically, he did most of the heavy lifting on his own,” Dipper clarified. “But still, I like to think we pushed him in the right direction.”

“And we watched it happen and it was like something out of an adorable romantic comedy!” Steven quipped cheerfully. “Soos really hit it off with the lady he met; their going out on their first date tonight and everything! I can already tell they’re gonna make such a cute couple!”

“Oh… well that’s… great…” Connie said with a halfhearted smile, glad for Soos’ success, but still rather regretful about her and Mabel’s failure.

“I can’t believe it,” Mabel remarked, feeling much of the same way. “You guys managed to matchmake perfectly on your first try, while we end up making a huge mess of things even though we’re both self-proclaimed romance experts! It’s not fair!”

“Aw, don’t worry, Mabel,” Steven encouraged. “I’m sure you guys will figure some way to fix all this out!”

“Yeah,” Dipper agreed with a nod. “We’d help, but we kinda promised Soos we’d help him gear up for his date tonight first, so maybe after that.”

“Can you believe they’re going out to Hoo-Haw Owl’s Pizzamatronic Jamboree?” Steven asked with a smile as him and Dipper started to head off. “They’re so lucky! That place is so much fun! Anyway, see you guys later!”

“Fun, huh…?” Mabel mused after the boys had left, a small smile started to spread across her expression as an idea started to form. “You know, Connie, I think a little fun could be exactly the thing we need to smooth things over between Jamie and Garnet…”

“What do you mean?” Connie asked, raising an incredulous eyebrow.

“I mean, we should set those two up on an apology date!” Mabel exclaimed with newfound verve, jumping to her feet. “Nothing too serious, just a nice, controlled way for them to meet on equal ground so they can finally talk all this through. And where better for them to have that kind of emotionally heavy conversation than a place as loud and colorful as Hoo-Haw Owl’s?”

“Huh, that’s… actually kind of a good idea,” Connie mused. “Well, aside from it happening at a place like Hoo-Haw Owl’s… That seems just a little… tone deaf?”

“Oh, I’m sure it’ll work out fine!” Mabel concluded with a wave of her hand. “Besides, its not like it can make things any worse than they already are, right?”

“Hopefully not,” Connie remarked. “You know, unless something totally crazy happens, but maybe we’ll get lucky this time and things will finally go off without a hitch for a change.”

“That’s the spirit!” Mabel quipped as Connie stood so they could carry their newfound plan out. “Now let’s go clean up this huge anti-romantic mess we’ve made, once and for all!”

Before preparing for his date with Melody, Soos had wisely decided to take care of the only loose end he was facing, as the boys had suggested. Said loose end being .GIFfany, who initially seemed just as bright and bubbly as usual when the handyman turned her game on. Little did he know, however, that this upbeat façade was only barely masking the untapped rage and jealousy beneath it.

“Hey, so, uh, .GIFfany?” Soos began, shifting somewhat uncomfortably in his seat. “We… we gotta talk…”

“Of course,” .GIFfany nodded in a somewhat anticipating grin. “I am programmed to find anything you say interesting. Unless what you have to say has to do with you breaking up with me…”

Soos’ eyes widened somewhat with this, a large part of him fearing that the program was already onto him. Still, he knew he couldn’t dance around this issue any longer; as far as he could tell, it ending this bizarre relationship would happen now or never. “Uh… w-well… have you ever had to choose between two things you like, but don’t know which one is right for you? I mean, I’m just thinking long-term… M-maybe I should be with someone a little less… ‘beep-boop’, you know?”

.GIFfany’s manner very abruptly shifted upon hearing this, her cheerfulness suddenly diminishing into bitter anger as she scowled at the handyman disapprovingly. “I don’t think you know what you’re saying, Soos,” she growled, her pixelated hands clenched in tight fists at her sides. “No one loves you more than me! The girls out there will just make fun of you!”

“Y-you really think so?” Soos asked, shrinking back in his chair a bit. A part of him felt as though what the program had just said was in fact true, seeing as how most of the girls he had tried flirting with in the past had done just that. And yet… one of them hadn’t. So what exactly did that really mean?

“I know so!” .GIFfany shot back fiercely. “Besides, we had a deal! You bought my game, you carried my books, you’re my boyfriend! So sit down in that chair and love me like I love you!”

“Uh… I don’t think I like the way you’re acting…” Soos remarked, rather unsettled by just how sporadically demanding the program was being.

Of course, his hesitance only made .GIFfany’s already palpable anger completely explode into raw fury as she began pounding on her end of the computer screen amidst furiously shouting at the handyman. “I won’t let another girl take you away from me, Soos! You hear me!?”

“W-whoa! .GIFfany, calm down!” Soos pleaded, genuinely frightened by the program’s incredible rage.

“You’re MINE, Soos!” .GIFfany practically screamed. “MINE! No one else’s! We’re going to be together forever, whether you like it or not!”

As she continued her heated rant, the handyman hurriedly looked for a way to escape her obsessive wrath, and he fortunately found one in the form of the game controller sitting on the desk in front of him. “Uh… pause!” he exclaimed, pressing just that.

“Do you hear me!? MIII-” the program abruptly stopped short, her expression flashing to one of alarm as she froze, finally paused right in the middle of her chaotic episode.

The handyman glanced around nervously for a beat after .GIFfany went silent, before letting out a tentatively relieved sigh. “Yikes… that got pretty intense… I’m sorry, .GIFfany,” he frowned as he took the game disk out of his computer, not noticing the small spark that lashed out from it as he did. “But maybe having a cursed robo-girlfriend wasn’t such a good idea. I’m taking you back to the video game store after my date with Melody.”

Though Soos felt somewhat bad about how harshly things had ended between him and. GIFfany, he still put her disk back in its case before pocketing it and heading out, knowing that he couldn’t think too much about it right now. After all, he had to get ready for his first date with an actual girl. And besides, seeing as how .GIFfany had just shown her true crazy and obsessive colors, perhaps it was for the best that he was cutting his ties with her, once and for all.

However, as soon as the handyman had left his room, his computer hummed back to life on upon its own accord. The monitor flashed with the distorted image of .GIFfany herself, her now void eyes still filled with untold anger before she left the screen entirely, intent on following Soos once more, and claiming him as hers and hers alone.

“You should have seen that thing, Amethyst,” Stan remarked to the purple Gem as he finished gathering up the last few supplies for their upcoming Revenge Trip. “That animatronic badger sings, it dances, it’s the perfect money taking attraction! But he won’t sell it to me!”

��K, Stan, I’m gonna be real with you here for a sec,” Amethyst said, casually laying back on the gift shop counter. “This whole badger thing is… really dumb. Actually, it might just be about the dumbest reason you’ve called me up for a Revenge Trip ever. But hey, who am I to stop you from wanting to get even with this weird earring-wearing creep you keep complaining about?”

“So you’re in then?” the conman asked, pulling a large black suitcase onto the table.

“You know I am,” the purple Gem grinned, hopping off the counter. “Even if it is dumb, at least it’ll be good for a laugh to watch you rob some goofy kid’s pizza joint. Like the ‘professional’ thief you are.”

“Oh, I plan on being professional about this,” Stan retorted firmly, pulling a pair of black gloves on. “And careful too. No more Colombian nights.”

“Alright, Stan,” Wendy spoke up as she noticed the conman and the purple Gem prepping for their latest escapade. “This is weird, even for you. Do you need to talk or something?”

“Nothing you can say will change my mind, Wendy,” Stan concluded dismissively. “Sometimes, a man has to steal an animatronic badger to stay in this crazy game called life.”

“Or… you could just not care,” Wendy retorted, crossing her arms.

“Aw, but where’s the fun in that?” Amethyst asked with a wry smirk. “Besides, its not like this is the first time either of us have been around the bend. This kind of Revenge Trip fare is a piece of cake for two pros like us.”

“Uh, ok…” Wendy frowned, still not entirely convinced as she glanced over at the conman preparing to leave through the open window. “Still, Amethyst, are you really sure you should be enabling Stan like this? I mean, he is kinda-”

“If you finish that sentence with the word ‘old’, then you’re fired!” Stan interupted with a harsh scowl, prompting Wendy to wisely hold her piece.

“Uh, no offense, but you are pretty old, Stan,” Amethyst pointed out with a somewhat teasing grin, much to the conman’s annoyance, though she elaborated immediately after. “But the good news is that I’m even older than you are, and what’s even better is that we’re both still rockin’ it with the revenge schemes through and through, so that jerky guy who made fun of you is gonna totally eat his words once we steal his singing badger thing!”

“Yeah!” Stan cheered with newfound verve upon hearing the purple Gem’s support. “That’s the spirit! No one tells Stan Pines he’s out of the game! No one tells-” The conman was cut off as he abruptly fell out of the window he was trying to climb out of, a clear cry of pain escaping him as he landed in the shrubs beside the shack.

“I’ll get your orthopedic back pillow,” Wendy called to him, leaning out the window to make sure he wasn’t too badly hurt.

“Thank you!” Stan responded somewhat weakly, still trying to pull himself up off the ground.

“Woo!” Amethyst exclaimed excitedly as ran up to the window herself, more than ready for their latest Revenge Trip. “Let’s go break some laws!” Without any further ado, she daringly jumped out the window herself, only to land squarely on top of Stan, resulting in yet another loud groan from the already injured conman. “Whoops. Sorry, Stan.”

Under Steven and Dipper’s direction, Soos had made sure to show up to the mall quite early for his date, mostly so the boys could go over the last minute pointers they had to offer him. The trio congregated in the food court, the importance of this event not lost on any of them as the boys drilled the handyman on exactly what he was to do to make this date a rousing success.

“You got this, Soos!” Steven encouraged boldly as Dipper handed the handyman off some much-needed water to refresh him. “We believe in you! Just remember everything you’ve learned so far. How does she look?”

“Nice!” Soos answered with determination.

“What are her stories?”

“Interesting!”

“And who’s going to pay for dinner?”

“Soos is!” Soos shouted, jumping out of his seat as he prepared to tackle this great challenge head on.

“Now… date!” Dipper exclaimed with the blow of an air horn, prompting the handyman to rush forward with a courageous battle cry. The boys watched him go with eager smiles, both of them unanimously proud of everything they had accomplished in helping Soos reach this previously unattainable point.

“Aw… they grow up so fast…” Steven remarked warmly as both him and Dipper silently wished the handyman the best of luck, even if they did plan on making themselves available to the handyman throughout his date, if need be.

With purpose in his step, Soos steadily approached Hoo-Haw Owl’s, excitement and nervousness simultaneously forming in his gut as he spotted Melody standing outside its entrance, patiently waiting for him. For a brief moment, .GIFfany’s warning of real girls making fun of him found purchase in his thoughts, but the handyman was quick to push the thought from his mind. He wasn’t about to let the memory of the insanely manic program, or anything else for that matter, ruin tonight, not after how hard for him to get here in the first place.

“Oh, hi, Soos!” Melody greeted the handyman with a bright smile as she spotted him approaching.

“Melody! Are you ready for a-” Soos paused, looking to the script the boys had written on his hands earlier to help him along. “Date with me?”

Melody chuckled at this, clearly bemused and charmed by the handyman’s lack of subtlety. “I totally am,” she said, taking the first step by linking arms with Soos as they both headed into the restaurant.

As usual, Hoo-Haw Owl’s was noisy and lively, with children running about, playing arcade games and eating pizza to their hearts’ content. While Connie still thought it was a rather irreverent place for Garnet to smooth things over with Jamie, Mabel was completely confident with her plan as she led the ever-stoic Gem leader to an empty table to wait for the mailman.

“We’re super glad you agreed to come all the way out here tonight, Garnet,” Mabel grinned as they all sat down. “Now, Jamie is supposed to show up any minute now, so when he gets here, we need you to be nice and gentle with him.”

“Yeah, be sure to apologize for how things went earlier today,” Connie added. “And then let him down easily this time, you know, so you won’t completely shatter his heart all over again.”

“And if worse comes to worse, t-then maybe you could just zap his brain to make him forget that any of this happened in the first place!” Mabel suggested. “That… that is something you can do, right?”

“Don’t worry,” Garnet assured flatly. “I know what I’m going to say.”

“Oh… y-you do?” Connie asked, exchanging a somewhat worried glance with Mabel at this.

“Mm hm,” Garnet nodded. “But that’s not the only reason why I’m here.”

“Uh… then why else did you come?”

“…You’ll see,” the Gem leader replied, adjusting her shades knowingly and leaving the girls with an abundance of unanswered questions.

Meanwhile, just a few tables away, Soos and Melody’s date was getting off to a decent, if not somewhat initially awkward start. “Man, I could really go for some complimentary breadsticks right now,” Melody remarked, glancing around the restaurant for their server.

“Uh, one time I was so hungry, I ate the decorative bamboo at a Chinese restaurant,” Soos quipped, nervously at first, before easing up a bit. “Like a big old panda!”

“You’re hilarious,” Melody chuckled, eliciting a relieved laugh from the handyman himself as he realized that the date was going rather well so far, even if he was admittedly still on edge for reasons he couldn’t quite explain.

“Yeah, well, you know… I just sorta say whatever pops into my, uh…” Soos trailed off as he took a sip from his water, his gaze drifting up to the arcade screens behind Melody, only to spot something that made him freeze with apt fear. Despite all logic, .GIFfany was there, her expression severe as she stared at Soos piercingly, a subtitle reading “You paused me?” appearing below her.

Unable to hold back his shock at the program’s unexpected return, the handyman accidentally spit out his water onto Melody before breaking into a round of panicked coughs. “Soos, are you ok?” Melody asked with concern as she wiped the water off of her.

“No!” Soos exclaimed as a knee-jerk reaction before quickly correcting himself. “I, uh, I’m fine! Everything’s fine! T-there’s totally nothing creepy going on at all!”

“You sure?” Melody frowned, not noticing .GIFfany appear on the screens right above her head. “You’re spitting an awful lot…”

Soos barely stifled a gasp as he watched the screens, reading .GIFfany’s bitter messages to him of “You left me? For HER?” before a pixelated version of Melody’s face showed up on the screen before quickly being x-ed out by the jealous program herself. The handyman didn’t even have to think twice about the frightening implications of this, which was why he knew he had to get some help in dealing with .GIFfany, and fast.

“Uh, can you sit tight?” he asked Melody amidst breaking out into a cold sweat. “I have to go to the bathroom for a long time. Not in a weird way!”

Before Melody could even ask any questions, Soos ran off, quickly finding Dipper and Steven laying low at a nearby table along with Mabel and Connie, who had joined them there to scope out the situation with Jamie and Garnet from afar. Still, the kids were all rather confused and concerned upon seeing the handyman plop down into the booth with them, his breathing short and frantic as he nervously glanced around at the surrounding arcade screens.

“Soos, what are you doing out there?” Dipper asked, knowing that Soos’ sudden panic wasn’t what they had drilled him on.

“I’ve got a big problem, guys,” the handyman explained in a distraught whisper. “I’m being stalked by .GIFfany!”

“.GIFfany?” all four of the kids questioned, the girls not knowing who he was referring to while the boys were surprised to hear Soos bring the program up again.

“Or maybe its pronounced ‘.JIFfany’? I was never really sure…” Soos mused, even though such a detail hardly mattered at the moment.

“Soos, get a grip on yourself,” Dipper urged. “.GIFfany can’t stalk you because she’s not real.”

“Yeah, and besides,” Steven added. “We thought you got rid of that game already.”

Before Soos could explain what had really happened, the entire group was alerted to the program’s ominous presence on the screens just above them. .GIFfany’s expression was set in a tight glare as she set her sights on Soos alone, showing that she wasn’t about to let him go so easily, much to the alarm of the kids and the handyman.

“Wait, that’s .GIFfany?” Connie asked, still rather lost when it came to this situation.

“Aw, she’s really pretty!” Mabel quipped. “Really scary, but still, pretty!”

“Take it from someone who brought an arcade game to life, this will not end well,” Dipper said, referencing the Rumble McSkirmish fiasco.

“D-don’t worry,” Soos tried to reassure. “I’m pretty sure she’s stuck on TV screens.” Almost as soon as the handyman had said this, .GIFfany was quick to prove him wrong as she spread down to the arcade machines, quickly spreading across them at a rapid pace as she made her way up towards the stage. “Uh oh…” Soos gulped upon witnessing this, wasting no time in getting up and hurrying back to Melody in the hopes of saving her from .GIFfany’s obvious wrath. “So, uh, hey, you wanna move this date far away into the woods away from all electronics and people?” he asked his date, putting on a fake confident smile, even if he really was anything but.

“What? But the floor show’s about to start,” Melody reminded, nodding up to the stage as the curtains began to open and the band of animatronics began playing their cheerful opening number.

“Oh man, this is getting really serious!” Steven exclaimed to the others as they remained sitting by at their tucked away table. “We gotta do something to help Soos!”

“But wait!” Connie interjected with a surprised gasp, pointing over to the other side of the restaurant, where a certain mailman sat, his head buried in his heads as a sign of absolute misery. “There’s Jamie!”

“And there’s Garnet!” Mabel added as the Gem leader started heading over to join him. “Oh, fingers crossed that her words don’t destroy him this time!”

The kids continued watching as Garnet silently took a seat at the table across from Jamie, startling the mailman out of his depressive revere. “G-Garnet!” he exclaimed, quickly sitting up. “You… you actually came. A-are you here to crush what’s left of my withered, cracked heart with the mighty hammer of your agonizing rejection?”

Garnet didn’t answer this right away, but instead took pause, almost as if she was trying to figure out what to say before giving Jamie what he deserved: the truth. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“T-then will you go out with me?” the mailman asked, a small hint of hope in his tone.

“No!” Garnet asserted, completely firm in her response.

“B-but… I’ve loved you since I first saw you…”

The Gem leader let out a frustrated sigh at this, shaking her head at Jamie’s continued persistence. “Jamie, you’re not-”

Garnet was abruptly cut off as the floor show got into full swing, the loud music making it hard to get any point across as the Hoo-Haw Owl animatronic shouted out over top of it.

“Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!” the animatronic began brightly as he strummed his banjo. “Who wants to hear Hoo-Haw the Owl? Hoo! Hoooo…” The owl trailed off as it suddenly shut down, its form dropping limp as the upbeat music faded into a slow, ominous singular banjo tune. The bright lights on stage abruptly shifted over to the badger cheerleader, who seemed to be the only animatronic still activated, her eyes filling in with a sinister red glow.

“Hello, friends!” she exclaimed brightly, in a voice that was immediately familiar to Soos, if no one else in the audience. “Hoo-Haw the Owl is dead.” At this starkly dark remark, the stage lights suddenly went dark altogether, save for the spotlight still focused on the possessed cheerleader animatronic. “This next song goes out to my forever boyfriend, Soos.”

“Soos, what’s going on?” Melody asked, turning to the handyman with disturbed alarm upon hearing this.

“No time to explain!” Soos exclaimed fearfully, grabbing Melody by the hand and pulling her out of the booth. “We gotta get outta here!”

“The only way out, Soos, is in my arms!” .GIFfany shouted amidst controlling not just the cheerleader animatronic, but the entire band of them as their eyes also began glowing red. “After them!”

As the machines threateningly began lurching off the stage, the restaurant was thrown into a complete and utter uproar, with its young patrons and their parents rushing to escape from this animatronic onslaught. As Soos continued pulling Melody towards the exit, the kids also hopped out of their booth to flee along with him, though Garnet took a slightly different approach.

“W-whoa!” Jamie gasped, tucking under the table a bit as Garnet rose to stand, her gauntlets forming as one of the animatronics steadily marched towards them. “What’s happening?!”

Garnet largely ignored his question as she swiftly dodged an empty plate the animatronic hurled at her. “I saw this coming,” she remarked, preparing to move from the defensive to the offensive. “Just stay here and keep out of the way.”

“But wait!” Jamie worriedly exclaimed, reaching after the Gem leader as she bravely leapt into action. “Garnet! My fierce, majestic moon! Don’t leave me here to—ah!” The mailman was abruptly cut off as another animatronic rammed its fist into the table he was at, prompting him to get up and flee with a cry of apt terror, despite Garnet’s instructions.

Right before this bout of chaos broke out in the restaurant, Stan and Amethyst had gotten to work on sneaking in through the back and securing the Will E. Badger animatronic without anyone taking notice of their heist at all.

“So this is that great ‘money making’ badger you keep going on about?” the purple Gem asked, not that impressed as the conman tied it to a dolly. “Huh, you know I thought it’d be a bit less… lame?”

“Hey, it may not look like much, but this guy is gonna earn me its weight in gold,” Stan retorted, tightening up his knots. “And… done. Out with the old, in with the new. I feel invincible!”

Amethyst was about to respond with another sly remark, but before she could, the animatronic suddenly powered on, completely out of nowhere. “Uh… Stan?” the purple Gem began with wide eyes, only for her surprise to spike as the badger broke free from its bonds and turned to punch Stan squarely in the jaw.

“Ow!” the conman shouted, falling to the ground from the heavy blow. “W-what the-”

“Who wants to get badgered?!” the animatronic threatened, shades painted red as he stood over Stan, ready to go in for another hit. Fortunately though, its hand was stilled as Amethyst’s whip tightly coiled around it.

“Hey, badger brain!” the purple Gem scowled, pulling back her whip a bit as the animatronics’ head turned completely around to face her. “Back off!” The animatronic simply let out a wild battle cry as it yanked its arm back, tossing Amethyst along with it into the wall near Stan. The pair had relatively little time to recover from the blows they had suffered as the badger prepared to go in for more, its suddenly violent behavior being more than enough to elicit fearful gasps from them both.

Inside of the restaurant itself, the animatronics seemed to be even more aggressive under .GIFfany’s control. While most of the other patrons had safely fled, the program had made sure to bar off any exists before Soos could reach them, trapping not only him, but Melody and the kids inside the store and cornering them as the animatronics all started to gang up on them.

“I’m sorry, Soos, but you can’t run away from our relationship!” .GIFfany proclaimed, pointing towards a nearby skee-ball machine as her electrical current reached it, giving her complete control over it. A barrage of balls flew out from it, shooting towards the group until Soos pulled an arcade cabinet down to itself, taking refuge behind it along with Melody and the kids.

“So about all this,” the handyman said to his confused date in this brief moment of tentative reprieve. “I may have purchased a dating simulator that obtained sentience and went crazy…”

“Oh, I am crazy,” .GIFfany spoke up upon overhearing this as she stepped forward. “Crazy for you, Soos!” At this, lightning sparked out of the hands of the animatronic the program was possessing, the bursts catching small bursts of fire as they landed near the group hiding behind the arcade cabinet. Some of these flames happened to catch in Melody’s hair, eliciting a fearful cry from her before Soos hurried to help her pat it out.

“Oh no! Melody, I’m so sorry,” the handyman said with sincere remorse for the disaster he had inadvertently cause. “I wanted this date to be perfect, but its turned into a huge mess! And now, we’re all gonna”-

“Hey!” a sudden bold shout broke through the ongoing clamor, startling all everyone and even catching .GIFfany herself off guard as she turned to see the brazen Gem leader standing behind her, ready to fight. “Leave them alone!”

“Garnet!” the kids and Soos all exclaimed in apt relief upon seeing her, hoping that she could put an end to this madness once and for all. .GIFfany, however, was far from pleased.

“Never!” she fiercely shot back. “I’m not going anywhere without my Soos! We are going to be together as the perfect couple forever, and no one is going to get in the way of our love!”

“If that’s what you think love is all about,” Garnet began steadily, disdain for the twisted program clear in her tone. “Then clearly you don’t know the first thing about it.”

.GIFfany simply responded to this accusation with a frustrated shout before commanding most of the other animatronics to go after Garnet. At first, the Gem leader took them on with little problem, dodging their blows before lashing out several of her own. Still, it was clear that she was quite outnumbered, despite her palpable strength, something that Soos in particular took notice of as he peeked out from behind the arcade machine.

“Aw man, she won’t be able to fight all those dudes off forever,” he said with a fretful frown. “That’s it! I gotta fix this! It’s me .GIFfany wants in the first place. Melody, I’ll distract her while Dipper, Mabel, Steven, and Connie keep you safe. It’s the only way!”

“Soos, these are children,” Melody remarked rather incredulously as the handyman bravely rose to the occasion.

“The only waaaaaay!” he shouted, running out into the fray, despite being pelted by skee balls all the while. “Over here, .GIFfany!” he taunted the program as he ran past her towards the kitchen.

“Stop!” .GIFfany shouted after him, a fierce glare crossing the animatronics’ expression as she followed him. At the same time, the other machines were still on the attack, most of them dealing with Garnet. The Gem leader managed to defeat one of them with a heavy punch through the chest, only for one of them to latch a firm hold onto her arm. She punched the first animatronic away, but several more rushed at her only seconds after, eliciting a fearful gasp from Jamie as he watched this entire display from behind the row of tables he had tucked under. And as yet another animatronic went in to launch a hit upon the Gem leader from behind, the mailman knew he could no longer remain watching this epic battle from the sidelines.

“Halt!” he shouted dramatically, jumping up onto a table to catch the gang of animatronics’ attention. “Step away from my lady, you cads, and face me instead! I will gladly stand against any adversity in the name of protecting-” Jamie cut himself off as the machines all turned to face him with their threatening red gazes, frightening him enough for him to quickly retract his courageous stance. “Um… y-you know what?” he squeaked, getting off the table as several of the animatronics mobilized to go after him before he quickly fled. “I think this adversity might just be a bit too much for me to handle! Ah!”

Despite their best efforts at teamwork, Stan and Amethyst weren’t really faring much better against Will E. Badger as they found themselves knocked out of the restaurant by the attacking animatronic. As the conman sustained another hit to the gut, the purple Gem tried to rush the badger with her whip. She managed to wrap it around the animatronic almost entirely, but its metallic form proved too strong for her weapon and it broke free from it with little effort at all before kicking her away.

“S-stay back, you monster!” Stan shouted at the animatronic, lifting his arms to defend himself again as he backed away from it.

“Geez! What’s this stupid thing’s deal anyway?!” Amethyst groaned, summoning yet another whip.

“Heck if I know!” the conman clenched his fists a bit tighter as the animatronic reeled its fist back. “If I had known that stealing this creep would be this potentially deadly, I never would have-”

“Look out!” the purple Gem warned, only for Stan to heed her a moment too late as the badger punched him into the pile of abandoned trash sitting next to the building. Though the conman was let reeling from the blow, he still did have the wits about him to duck out of the way of the animatronics’ next hit, which just so happened to land in the open maw of old Goldie. As Amethyst pulled Stan away from the badger, they both happened to notice that its arm was tightly caught in the prospector’s biting grip, something that it couldn’t break free from, no matter how hard it tried.

“Hey, isn’t that that old nugget thing you used to have back at the shack?” Amethyst asked, slightly confused by this bizarre turn of events.

“Yes, it is!” Stan proclaimed with a proud smile as Goldie continued munching upon the animatronics’ arm. “Get ‘em, Goldie! Get ‘em!”

Unfortunately, this tread of easily subduing the animatronics didn’t really carry through inside the restaurant itself. As the machines scattered to apprehend everyone else, the kids also split up, in the hopes that Garnet would have an easier time taking the animatronics on if they were thinned out a bit. Steven and Mabel wisely decided on hiding out in the indoor playground where the animatronics wouldn’t be able to squeeze into had reach them, though of course, they both took the time to remove their shoes before heading inside, despite the peril they were in. Dipper and Connie, on the other hand, both realized they were at a distinct disadvantage as neither of them had swords on them, which meant their relatively new skills were completely useless in defending themselves against the animatronics. But they did manage to narrowly avoid a brutal blow by dodging out of the path of an attacking beaver animatronic, with its hit landing down on one of the arcade machines instead. As it was distracted and the pair fled, Melody rushed in, brazenly knocking the animatronic out with a chair, only for several more to beset her immediately after. Even Garnet seemed to be having a hard time dealing with the group of animatronic she was squaring off against, largely because she had to protect Jamie in the process as he fearfully cowered behind her.

“G-Garnet, my love,” the mailman spoke up shakily as the Gem leader punched another animatronic back, despite the fact that they were both essentially cornered against a wall. “If these are indeed our last moments together on this Earth, then please, at least allow me the chance to beg for the light of your love to shine down upon-”

“Not now!” Garnet ordered fiercely, not wanting to deal with this distraction as she pushed an animatronic away. “Or ever for that matter.”

“B-but-” Jamie cut his dejection off with a startled gasp as one of the animatronics rammed right into the Gem leader, pinning her to the wall by both arms as it prepared to take her out. “No!” the mailman cried, pushing all his fear away as he tried a last ditch effort to help her by diverting the animatronics’ attention away by throwing letters at it. Much to his and Garnet’s surprise, it was enough to get the machine to turn to him, but this time, Jamie didn’t flee as he instead continued hurling letters at it while steadily backing away. “T-that’s right, you cur! Taste the unflinching wrath… of mail!”

Despite Jamie’s feeble success, Melody and the kids soon found themselves overwhelmed and apprehended, something that Soos noticed with a fretful gasp as he glanced out of the kitchen window. To make matters worse, .GIFfany herself continued to pursue him in slow, calculated steps, knowing that she had him right where she wanted him.

“I’ve got you surrounded, Soos,” she warned, her animatronic wearing a huge, learning grin as she essentially cornered the handyman. “There is no way out!”

“P-please,” Soos tried to reason with the rather unreasonable program. “Just let my friends go. I’ll do anything, I promise!”

“I seem to remember someone promising to be my boyfriend!” .GIFfany’s robotic tone pitched as she appeared on the screen right beside the handyman, her usual smile taking on a sinister aura. “Think about it. Real girls are unpredictable. They judge you. What makes you think you could ever have a chance with anyone else but me? Do you really think Melody will take you back after this awful date?”

The handyman’s tentative courage faltered upon hearing this, unable to deny that .GIFfany likely had a point. After all, what kind of girl would ever give him the light of day after being put in such mortal danger thanks to his own missteps and failures? Certainly, after tonight, he’d be right back to square one when it came to his empty love life, just like he always had been. However, the option the program proceeded to present him with was far from anything better.

“I can download your game into the game with me,” .GIFfany offered warmly, her animatronic projecting a flash drive from its finger, which it then pointed out at Soos. “And we’ll be together, forever…”

“Ah!” Soos gasped, covering his exposed belly button with his sweater vest. “S-stay back!” In a meager attempt to ward off the program, he dug through his pockets for anything to throw at her, tossing both pocket change and a spare screwdriver at her, which she easily dodged as she continued sulking towards him.

“Cone on, Soos,” .GIFfany patronized, cheerful as always as she quickly started bridging the gap between them. “Don’t make me delete you too!” Soos sucked in a sharp breath as he pressed against the wall behind him, desperately searching for a way out of his seemingly inescapable fate. It seemed as though, no matter what, .GIFfany was determined to have him all to herself, which the handyman knew was a complete impossibility, even despite how they had hit it off early on. But still, he knew that he couldn’t abandon reality to be with her, despite her promises of understanding, compliance, and love. When it came right down to it, he needed a real girl, one of flesh and bone rather than of bits and bytes. Which was why, as he happened to pull the Romance Academy 7 disk out of his pocket, Soos knew exactly what he had to do. “What do you say?” .GIFfany asked, inching her flash drive ever closer to the handyman in the hopes of finally claiming him as hers alone.

“I say, game over, .GIFfany!” Soos boldly proclaimed, pulling the pizza oven behind him open before tossing the game disk right into its immense heat.

“NO!” .GIFfany cried in apt fear as the disk began to shrivel up and melt. The image of the program on the screen let out a shrill scream of defeat, her pixels starting to break apart and dissipate out of existence, her scream doing the exact same thing as the screen went black. The animatronic the program had been possessing emitted a high pitched whine as well, its face melting off to reveal the robotic mechanism underneath before it shut down and collapsed, confirming that her malicious presence was indeed finally gone.

As a result of .GIFfany’s obliteration, all of the other rouge animatronics shut down, including the one Stan and Amethyst were dealing with outside. While still struggling to free itself from Goldie’s grip, the Will E. Badger animatronic suddenly deactivated, roughly plummeting to the ground as the pair watched in apt amazement.

“Whoa…” Amethyst breathed as her whip disappeared. “I can’t believe that janky old thing… saved us!”

“Well, believe it!” Stan grinned, picking Goldie up and hugging it tightly. “You did it! You beautiful old monster! You did it! How’s about the three of us hit the town? These old has-beens are going to Vegas!”

“Now you’re talking!” Amethyst cheered, gladly following the conman as he carried the prospector machine off to head off on this tandem trip. “Let’s go make some cash money!”

As the animatronic that Jamie had been pelting with mail finally went limp, the mailman let out a huge sigh of relief at the imminent danger finally coming to an end. However, his dread was quick to return as Garnet stepped over to him, her expression unreadable as she motioned to a nearby table.

“Sit,” she instructed staunchly, which Jamie tentatively did as the Gem leader did the same before speaking her peace. “Jamie, I hope you know that what you just did was very dangerous.”

“Yes… I-I do,” Jamie nodded, somewhat confused before leaping right back into his usual theatrics. “B-but I was glad to risk it all for you, Garnet, my love! From the moment I first laid eyes upon you, I knew that we were destined to be together!”

“No, we’re not,” Garnet firmly denied, finally ready to set the record straight. “Love at first sight doesn’t exist. Love takes time, and love takes work. At the very least you have to know the other person. And you literally have no idea who, or what, I am.” The Gem leader finished by adjusting her shades, knowing that every word she had just spoken came from the genuine experiences of love both of the halves that composed her had been through together.

“B-but… I bloom for you like… like a… camellia… under moon light…” Jamie stammered, his voice breaking a bit as he looked to her pleadingly.

“No, you don’t,” Garnet said, eliciting a confused, albeit saddened glance from the mailman. “You make a very convincing lovesick fool. You convinced those children,” she nodded over to Mabel and Connie, who were not very discreetly eavesdropping on the whole scene from afar. “You even convinced yourself. You’re a fantastic actor.”

“R-really?” Jamie asked, eyes wide with surprise upon hearing such a compliment. “So… what am I supposed to do now?”

“Start with local theatre,” Garnet advised, giving the mailman a hearty slap on the back before she got up and walked off. For a moment, Jamie simply sat there, still rather shaken as he tried to take it all in before the girls hesitantly approached him.

“Uh… hey, Jamie,” Connie began with a small, sheepish smile. “Are you ok?”

“…Yeah,” the mailman nodded, still trying to get over his initial surprise. “That was… some pretty solid advice.”

“Well, uh, that’s good to hear,” Mabel said somewhat tenatively. “Um, we’re sorry for kinda causing this whole mess between you and Garnet. We didn’t mean for things to get so… you know, crazy.”

“Yeah, it probably would have been better if we had just left well enough alone in all this…” Connie remarked, rubbing her arm awkwardly.

“Eh, its ok,” Jamie reassured, finally smiling himself. “You girls were just trying to help me out, and I can’t really blame you for that. So thanks for everything. Even if it was kinda meddling…”

“Heh, yeah…” Mabel chuckled, exchanging a glance with Connie as they both realized they had learned a pretty important lesson about such meddling. “So, were those more letters you wrote to Garnet?” she asked, nodding towards the discarded mail Jamie had used to ward off the animatronic.

“No, that was the mail I was supposed to deliver on my last route.”

A beat of silence passed at this as the three of them looked towards the rather disastrous mess of mail littering the floor of the restaurant before Connie stiffly spoke up. “We’ll help you pick it all up.”

“Thanks,” Jamie said as they all got up to do just that.

Meanwhile, with .GIFfany gone, Soos had wasted no time in hurrying back to Melody to make sure she was ok. Surprisingly, she rather understanding upon hearing the whole story as the handyman detailed to her while they sat together in the wreckage of the animatronic disaster. Still, despite her lack of anger, Soos couldn’t help but feel rather guilty for just how much danger he had inadvertently put her through, especially since he really had grown to like her very much.

“I’m sorry for all this, Melody,” the handyman sighed, looking out over the mess .GIFfany had left behind. “I honestly remember this place being a lot more fun when I was a kid.”

“Believe it or not, I’ve been on worse dates,” Melody shrugged with a small smile.

“Really?”

“Never date a magician.”

“Ugh, why would I?” The pair got a good laugh out of this, one that eventually dissipated as they met each others’ gazes with mutually affectionate smiles. Soos figured that it was now or never, which was why he decided to go ahead and ask the question that had been plaguing him for the past few days. “So, uh, you wouldn’t be interested in going with me to my cousin’s engagement party in a week, would you? I promise there’s like, zero animatronic badgers.”

“Sure, sounds like fun,” Melody chuckled. “I should still be in town then.”

“Still be in town?” Soos frowned, confused.

“I’m going back home to Portland in a few weeks,” Melody sighed somewhat sadly. “But when I do, we can still video chat, if that’s ok with you.”

“A relationship with a girl who I can only see through my computer…” Soos mused for a moment before breaking out into an affirmative smile as he placed his hand on top of Melody’s. “Sounds perfect!”

The couple shared another warm laugh over this, both of them more than enjoying each other’s company, even if they were relatively unaware of the boys proudly watching them converse from their spot in the ball pit.

“Aw, they already make such a nice couple!” Steven quipped warmly as he changed a glad smile with Dipper. “I’m so glad Soos got his happy ending; if anyone deserves it, its him.”

At this, both boys were instantly caught off guard as Soos’ Abuelita suddenly popped up out of the ball pit, completely out of nowhere. “Yes, yes,” she remarked with a contented smile, looking over at her grandson. “I am so happy.”

“Uh… have you been following us all day?” Dipper asked her, rather concerned by such an implication.

Abuelita simply nodded, throwing the boys off even more, though she hardly noticed amidst her controlled elation over Soos’ finally successful attempts at romance. “Soos’ life is my soap opera.”

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allieinarden · 7 years ago

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Despite being comically irresponsible when it comes to supervising children, Stan loves Dipper and Mabel unconditionally. Even if Stan is prone to making fun of them at times, he's proven that he really cares about them and would lay down his life for them. What are your thoughts on Stan's affection towards the kids?

You just worded it beautifully right here.

Deep in his heart, I think, Stan is a family man. But he’s been burned by his family—kicked out by his father, rejected by his beloved twin brother. It’s interesting to notice how he doesn’t warm up to the twins from the first season to the second so much as rapid-cycle between grouchy fake-detachment (offering them each a free choice from the gift shop—"The catch is do it before I change my mind") and explicit eagerness to bond with them (the plot of the second episode revolves around an attempt to grow closer to them by taking them on a fishing trip), with the occasional moment of pure self-absorption in which he nearly forgets that they exist (distracted by an old movie on television, unaware that they’ve been out of the house for hours). And then, I had been very sure, upon first watching the series, that he had little interest in the twins at first, but we have it via Alex Hirsch that he drove all the way to the hospital when they were born and fought their grandfather for a chance to hold them. My own theory is that he had a longstanding offer to take on the kids for a summer, and that Mr. and Mrs. Pines finally accepted it when they considered the kids old enough—at which point they were both a little beyond him, teetering on the verge of teenhood, not the trusting tykes he’d envisioned who would be eager to listen to his jokes and watch him bait a hook.

Stan is a family man, but he never had a family of his own. I think it’s easy to imagine him being inclined to have one, which is why the “Grunkle 4 Grandpa” theories caught on as quickly as they did (frankly, there’s a lot that still hasn’t been explained to my satisfaction). A lot of people latched on to a throwaway line in “Little Gift Shop of Horrors"—"next thing you know, you gotta raise a kid, your life falls apart"—which Hirsch explained not as a confession of a personal experience but as something Stan’s father had often said to him. If this is the case, it might help to explain why Stan, who was apparently successful with women in his younger days, never held down a relationship; fatherhood may have held a lingering fear for him.

Yet despite his best efforts at detachment from humanity (let’s be real, Stan couldn’t even detach himself from some characters in an old TV movie), despite his gruff and cynical attitude and his crabbed bachelor existence, he’s managed—almost unwittingly—to attract a child to himself. Soos Ramirez has looked up to Stan since he was very young, considers him a father figure, and dreams of being adopted by him—something Stan seems not to be aware of. I think that has a lot to do with Stan’s conception of fatherhood. See, Stan is protective of Soos—he got himself banned from airplanes in an effort to help shield him from a source of trauma—and protectiveness had no place in Filbrick Pines’ parenting philosophy. He taught his sons to be stronger, tougher, so that they could protect themselves; Stan, perceiving vulnerability in Dipper, puts him to work, determined to give him the strength and resource he needs to fight back. This, to Stan, is fatherhood, a school of endurance against future cruelties; his father’s love was tough love, and he doesn’t realize yet that fatherhood can also mean busting out the brass knuckles and smacking some zombies around because the kids aren’t strong enough to handle them yet. That it can mean the urge to punch a dinosaur in the face rather than let that little girl’s heart get broken, or to get labeled a flight risk rather than see that boy sad even for one day out of the year. This might not be the appropriate reaction in every instance, and those boxing skills undoubtedly served Stan well, but the point is that Mabel and Dipper change the conception of fatherhood that Stan has been taught from birth, and it’s not coincidental that his arc ends in the moment when he treats Soos like a son, passing the Mystery Shack down to him.

This is where a key thesis of the show—that it’s never too late to start again—is extremely important. Stan could be bitter that no one told him sooner that having children wouldn’t ruin his life but just might save it, that a father could be loving and gentle as well as strong and stern (when did he stop referring to Mabel as "[Dipper’s] sister" and start calling her “sweetie” and “pumpkin”?), and that his tenderness of heart wouldn’t be a deficiency when it came to dealing with children but would be his greatest asset. He could be sad about what he missed out on for so many years. But he’s too busy being Stanley Pines, a hero to his family; he’s too busy rejoicing in everything he has right now.

#Stan Pines #Dipper Pines #Mabel Pines #Soos Ramirez #Gravity Falls #Filbrick Pines #GF spoilers #meta #animation #television #asks #gettin schwifty #a lot of this is pure speculation but it's close to my heart and you DID ask me what I thought #happy birthday @ Stan and Ford!!!!#long post

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nautiscarader · 7 years ago

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Wendip Week 2017 day 2: Time travel

The greatest stories of the past can be found in simplest of places... second, simple story for Wendip Week. Apologies if the story feels a bit rushed, I had to write and finish it within one day.

Wendy and Dipper's kid, Tyrone was inspired by a character of the same name from @elentori-art's brilliant artwork (x). It’s set in the same “au” as one of my earlier work (x)

(My fanfiction masterpost) (Read on Ao3) (Read on FF)

- That takes me back in time...

Now that was a phrase that grabbed Tyrone Pines' attention. And it was spoken by his dad, so, while odd-sounding, it must have be true. But then, could it be true?

- Dad? What do you mean?

Tyrone Pines walked hastily to the sofa his father was relaxing on with - no surprises there - a large book in his hands. Without waiting for his answer, Tyrone climbed onto the sofa and crawled into his dad's arms, eager to see the book he was holding. It was a nice, large book with lots of pictures inside, and a hard, brown cover.

- Hey, there, champ. What did you ask about? - What does "take back in time" mean? Can you go back in time?

Tyrone's wide eyes shrunk when his dad chuckled, giving his hair a bit of a ruffle. This usually meant Tyrone was wrong, simply because he didn't know enough adult words, or that he mistook one for another.

- No, it's just a saying. It means that you start remembering things from your past, like these, see?

An album! Of course, mom and dad often browsed through them, usually the ones with his pictures inside it. This one seemed similar at first - it looked like it contained lots of pictures of him, except Tyrone could not remember any of them being taken. Even stranger, the boy in pictures looked older than he was. Could his father have pictures of him from the future?

And then it struck him - the hair! It wasn't red, like his mom's, but chestnut, very much like his...

- Dad, is that you? - Of course. And can you recognise this sweater-wearing lady?

He pointed to the girl eagerly staring into the lenses of the camera, so much so she made half of the picture blurry.

- Auntie Mabel! She's everywhere! - Yeah, no one could ever stop her then, and no one can stop her now.

Tyrone flipped a couple of pages, finding more glitter-covered pictures of his aunt, and a few, less decorative ones, of his dad.

- Where's mom? - These are from before we even heard about Gravity Falls, I think. Look, I don't even have my cap anywhere. - he shuffled through the sturdy pages - I only met your mom when we arrived here for a summer. Dunno if she brought any of her pics though...

Dad passed the album, and reached to the bookcase next to the sofa, giving Tyrone chance to see more pics of Dad's younger self. The two were remarkably similar, aside the hair colour, so much so that Tyrone had to actively remind that he hasn't looking at himself. Some of the pics showed his dad amongst books, or toys, some in garden, playing with Auntie Mabel in his grandaprent's old house.

- Uh, I think mom has her album at her dad's house. After all, she has three brothers. - his dad stated after checking the bookcase - You wanna see more pictures of me and mom?

Tyrone eagerly nodded and moved aside, when Dad brought not one, but three thick albums with him.

- Yeah, we got a bit photo-crazy at some point. Well, Mabel did, she wanted to take all sorts of pictures once me and your mom started dating.

The first album looked very similar to the one Tyrone has seen already, aside from the brown, cap that at some point made its way to his dad's head. And then, out of the blue, the theme of the photography has changed. There were less and less of the twins in the pictures, and more and more images of forests and familiar-looking mountains. After a couple of pages more, images of a few familiar people appeared, bringing a smile back to Tyrone's face.

- That's grandpa Stan! And Soos! - That was our first visit here. - his dad nodded - We didn't know grunkle Stan that well back then, so he's gonna be mostly grumpy here.

And indeed, some of the pics showed grandpa Stan in, well, less than appealing poses, or with lots of grimaces on his already wrinkled face. The young version of Soos, on the other hand looked... pretty much like the same big, cuddly fellow Tyrone knew already. But then the subject of the pictures changed again, finally giving Tyrone what he wanted to see.

- That's mom! - Yep, that's her. - his dad sighed, staring at a profile photograph of his mom, relaxing on a bench during a warm, sunny day - You can imagine why I fell for her, can you? - Her hair is pretty... - Tyrone whispered, flipping pages again. - Yeah, you are right. And look, here we are with Mabel.

On the next photograph, his mom was leaning casually on the wooden wall of Mystery Shack, with his dad and Auntie on both her sides. Only now, with all of them in one picture, Tyrone noticed a rather large detail he wasn't aware of so far.

- Dad, why is mom so much taller? - Well, she's older than me. I was twelve, or thirteen, and she was fifteen already. You're gonna shoot up when you're that age too. - his dad paused - Your grandma was a bit baffled by the age gap, though. - Why? - Tyrone asked - Do you have to be the same age to marry? - No, it's just a bit unusual when a boy is younger than a girl. I guess. - he paused again. - Come to think, her arguments never really made sense to us. We were dating, and we didn't care. Glad she understood that.

His dad must have been in love with mom for a very long time, Tyrone realised. Lots of pictures showed her with his dad and Auntie, some with grandpa Stan and Soos, and some with lots of other, young people he has never seen before.

- That's Lee, and Thompson, Wendy's friends from high school. - his dad started counting. - That's Nate, another one, that's Robbie, he was your mom's first boyfriend. That's Tambry, these two got married in the end... - Boyfriend? - Yeah. When you start dating, you call your sweetheart a boyfriend of a girlfriend. - I know, dad. - Tyrone stressed - But... Mom dated other people? - Sure she did.

Tyrone hasn't felt that puzzled in a long time. He knew that you have to meet your future wife at some point, but he was sure the road from there was pretty straightforward, even though he wasn't sure what that "road" was. The prospect of his mom dating, and possibly *kissing* other men than dad, on the other hand, was absolutely unthinkable! Not that kissing in general didn't make him a bit squeamish to begin with, despite his parents' assertions that "he will change your mind at some point".

- So she wasn't your girlfriend then? - No, of course not. Though that didn't stop me from being in love with her. - he winked

His dad took the album from his hands, and replaced it with a second one.

- I think that's our... third and fourth visit here... Oh, and even fifth. - he stated, looking at the dates on the first page. - I think we started dating somewhere then.

The pictures inside this album looked wildly different to the previous ones: his father was much taller and his chin was covered with patches of hair he called "a goatee"; Auntie Mabel had different hair style in practically every shot, often mimicking her friends, Grenda and Candy that Tyron vaguely remembered from one of the slightly odd and boring get-togethers. His mom looked oddly similar, if not for the fact that in many pictures she was making googly eyes to his father in the same way he was making to her.

- Yeah, there we are. I think it was our second date. Don't have pictures from the first one, the tiger smashed the camera. - A tiger? - Yeah, a sabre-toothed one. We still don't know where it came from, but boy we were sad that he ripped it to shreds. - Why? Why would he do that? - I think it's because we didn't ask him if we can take pictures of him. Tigers don't like paparazzi. Oh, it mean people, who make photos whether you like it or not. - he quickly added. - He's not talking to us anymore. Shame, he was a funny guy.

Another couple of pages went by with more pictures of his dad and mom in odd dating spots, as well as the increasing number of kissing scenes, which only made Tyrone avert his eyes in embarrassment. Noticing that, his dad took another album, and browsed through it to show him something less smoochy.

- There, look, our Halloween costumes. - he started - You know, at some point I wasn't that keen on dressing up in those, but your auntie told me there's nothing wrong with it. - Of course there isn't. - Tyrone was quick to respond - Why did you want to stop doing it? - Well, I thought that it was silly, since I was too old... I wanted to impress your mom, you see. - he spoke softly - Actually, most of these pictures could be labeled that. And I was a bit of a dummy to think that she will like me more if I'm gonna pretend to be someone else. That could be a title of many of these as well...

The pictures showed his dad in costumes, usually matching the ones his sister was wearing, with mom and Soos often appearing next to them.

- See? We used to go as pirates, king and a queen, cowboys... That's more what you wanted, right? And look, here we are in different countries!

Another set of pictures showed weird buildings, people in different clothes (including his mom and dad!), and unusual, sometimes otherworldly-looking landscapes. As if by magic, dozens of untold adventures unfolded in front of Tyrone's eyes, making his head spin. He was travelling through time, faster than he ever though he would, watching his parents and family transform and change, while still retaining the same eyes and smiles he was so used to. And at the same time, all he wanted was to hear more about the amazing life his dad and mom had before he was born.

- So, what you guys are up to?

A sudden, clam and warm voice shifted Tyrone's attention from the avalanche of questions he had, making him raise his hands into the air nearly instantaneously, waiting for his mom to pick him up.

- Mom! Look what we found! - Yeah, heard you all the way from the garden. - his mom said, taking him into her arms. - Your dad is a sentimental one, and you seem to be like him. - Hey, I just like documenting stuff. - he replied - Besides, how could I miss that opportunity?

He spread the pages of the album again, showing a photo of his mom sticking her tongue to the camera, and rolling her eyes in a comedic fashion.

- See? True beauty only Oregon can provide. - Shush, or I will show him your pictures. - Tyrone's mom warned her husband - The one from your mom. - You wouldn't - dad yelped, his eyes widening in horror - Works every time. Now, Tyrone, It's already 7, you should go to bed. - Mom, can't we stay a bit late? - Tyrone pleaded - We were having fun with the photographs! - We can all browse them tomorrow. - she said, giving him a kiss on forehead. - Mom is gonna sit with you tomorrow, and we will see how many times your dad was making stuff up, okay?

Trying to contain giggling, Tyrone nodded and ran to the bathroom, wondering what great stories will his mom tell him the next day. He already learned way more about his parents he expected, so the prospect of getting more tidbits about their lives already made him hyped up. With his head buzzing with ideas, the evening bath passed in a blink of an eye, and Tyrone quickly found himself tucked in his bed, ready to dream about the adventures his parents are going to tell him about tomorrow.

Having helped Tyrone with the evening routine, Wendy entered the living room, now filled with even more orange light from the bulbs, creating a familiar, cozy atmosphere. Just like her son before, she jumped into Dipper's arms, who was still browsing the albums that made this evening so much longer.

- So, are we ever going to tell him? - Dipper asked, giving his wife a quick peck, and gently stroking her hair - He's as nosy as you or me, so I have a feeling he's going to find it on his own. - Wendy replied dreamily, snuggling into Dipper's shoulder - It will be a bit difficult though, you know. A ruler is not as cool as all the other time machines he saw in comics and movies. - Don't you wish we kept it, though? - Wendy asked - We could be going to all sorts of times and places... - Nah, I think we're fine the way we are, frankly. - Dipper confided - And what do you think? - I think you're just jealous that the crew chose me to be their pirate captain and you were just a deck hand. - Wendy replied sharply, flipping the album back to the picture of them in their pirate "costumes".

#wendip #wendipweek #wendip week #wendy x dipper #dipperxwendy #gravity falls #dipper pines #wendy corduroy #time travel

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crossroadsdimension · 8 years ago

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Puppet AU Chapter 9

Heh heh. As soon as I posted that drabble, I decided to throw this nightmare out.

It’s not from Ford’s perspective, though. You’ll figure out who it is soon enough.

Doing the Dirty Work

Probably the one good thing about these little “infiltration missions” the Master sent Stan out on was the fact that he didn’t have to look at those damn triangle tattoos when he was disguised as someone else.

He knew he didn’t have a choice, but he hated the Master with every single fiber of his being, and there was no way that he was just going to let that go. Not like Ford seemed to have done.

Stan drummed his fingers against the table impatiently. He’d taken on the form of a young man this time – a clearly athletic kid who he’d devoured back in Portland when they were given the chance to test out their abilities for the first time – or the only time, in Ford’s case. Football player, dark, curly hair, tall, heavyset – kinda like how he’d been back in high school, except…different.

Getting into the group in Piedmont, California that had been trying to fight back was the easy part. With his present form and the memories of the dead kid, he’d been able to pretend he was on the run and looking for a way to fight back.

Knowing that he was going to be the one to tear the group apart whenever the Master decided? Not so easy.

Especially considering that Dipper’s and Mabel’s parents had joined up a little bit before he had.

“Goddammit, Alex,” Stan muttered under his breath, rubbing at his right temple as he watched the other members of the resistance move around the strangely still-intact house. “He must’ve known you were up to something.”

Another good thing about being out from under the Master’s shadow was that he could find other ways to refer to him in order to stay undercover. Name-calling and pronouns abounded, and it gave Stan a sick glee to know that he could get away with it.

But there was still that ache that he got in his chest every time he attempted to want to help people get away from that triangle freak, and it reminded him that he only had a semblance of freedom at this point – not the real deal.

Stan gritted his teeth and the ache in his chest started up even more fiercely as he attempted to imagine himself tearing the demon’s eye out of its socket, only to hit a mental wall before he could even picture the throne room.

Goddammit.

“Say, son?”

Stan looked up at the voice and stiffened when he caught sight of Alex Pines – Dipper’s and Mabel’s dad – sitting down on the other side of the table.

“Are you feeling all right?” Alex asked. “You’ve been making some odd expressions.”

Stan grunted. “I’m fine. Just thinking about that stupid demon dorito.”

The best lies were half-truths. Stan had learned that a long time ago.

Alex gained a sympathetic expression and nodded. “Yeah, I know the feeling.” His expression turned into one of anger. “He’s taken my family. I’m not going to let him get away with that.”

Stan wondered how Alex would have known about them. Had he run into Dipper and Mabel when he had sent them out?

“Your family?” Stan repeated.

“My uncles – one of whom faked his death and the other who started the apocalypse – and my own children.” Alex sighed and shook his head. “I can’t believe that something like this could have happened to us. It sounds too impossible.”

Stan frowned. Apparently, Alex also knew about what he and Ford had both done and been up to for the last thirty-odd years – at least, before Weirdmageddon hit. Kinda hard to keep track of time when all the clocks moved at different rates and there was no sun to speak of, but people were apparently adapting to the mess of a world that he had managed to create. Not sure what the triangle would think of that, but if humans could find a way to adapt, they’d definitely find other ways of being able to annoy him.

“Yeesh. I don’t know what I’d do if my parents were taken by that freak.” Stan started drumming his fingers against the table again in a nonsense rhythm as he tried to drive out the idea of his Ma and Pa being forced to do what he was doing.

He was certain that they’d be fighting back just as much as he was, but he didn’t know how long they would have been able to hold out.

Or even how long Stan himself was going to be able to keep feeling that echo of an ache in his chest every time he thought of trying to get away from his present situation.

Stan paused, focusing more on what Alex had said. “How’d ya know, anyway?”

Alex sighed. “That monster hunted us down using Dipper and Mabel. Apparently, he wanted to see where Dipper and Mabel had come from, then went off to Glass Shard Beach. But Grandma and Grandpa died years ago, so I don’t think he’s going to be able to find what he’s looking for.”

The Master did what? That was something Stan hadn’t heard about.

“Dipper and Mabel?” he prompted instead.

“My kids,” Alex explained. “One of my uncles – the one that started this whole mess – was with them, too.”

So, Ford knew about the kids’ parents.

“Trenchcoat? Fox ears?” Stan guessed.

Alex looked at him sharply. “You’ve seen him?!”

“Yeah, him and this guy who looks a lot like him.” If Stan was going to play this how he wanted to play it, he was going to have to be careful how he worded his responses and what exactly he let slip. “They were up in Portland a while back. Completely destroyed the place. I think I saw that uncle guy’s lookalike eating people.”

“Eating people?!” Alex looked startled at that. “That’s…” He looked sick for a moment, then gained a dark frown. “Even though beating that Bill Cipher might be impossible right now, I bet we can weaken him by taking his minions down one by one.”

“He’s been getting more minions, though,” Stan pointed out. “I had to hide from a number of them coming down here. Do you realize how hard it is to not get burned to death?”

A near-complete lie, considering that Stan wasn’t actually going to get attacked by any of the Henchmaniacs, but he thought that Pyronica probably had a bit too much fun shooting fireballs at him in order to get him into the resistance’s safe house.

Stan tried not to think about the dead look that came over his brother’s face whenever the demoness entered the room with that hungry look in her eye.

“Which is why we’re planning on laying low for a while and figuring out their strengths and weaknesses before we make a move against them,” Alex insisted. “I’ve talked with the leader of this group, and he agrees with me.”

“What about your family?” Stan frowned.

Alex blinked at the question, then sighed and bowed his head. “And that is presently my problem.”

Alex didn’t want to do to them what they were probably planning on doing to the rest of the demonic monster’s henchmen. Stan didn’t know if that was a smart idea or a stupid one.

Considering what that creep had done to them? Probably a stupid idea.

“You’d probably been better off not knowing,” Stan muttered.

Alex turned his head and blinked at Stan’s statement before frowning. “You’re suggesting that I forget that my family is working for the demon that caused this apocalypse?”

Stan blinked. “Uh….”

“Young man, I don’t know how exactly it is that you’re feeling right now, considering what’s happened, but I am not about to abandon my family, even though they are with some…some geometrical horror!”

Geometrical horror. Stan added that to his mental list of names for the demon.

“We are going to find a way to rescue them, physical changes or—“

“I’m gonna stop you right there, because you didn’t see what happened in Portland.”

Alex blinked at that, then frowned.

“There was this one guy – fox ears and a tail—“

“I saw him,” Alex said.

“Yeah. He was setting stuff on fire – literally throwing fireballs from his hands at people.” Stan mimed throwing something, causing Alex’s eyes to widen. “Magic or something. Those kids? One of ‘em was able to cover the entire city in trees. The other one sucked up the nuclear power plants in a black hole.”

Alex suddenly looked very uncertain at what Stan was telling him.

Now to really hit him in the gut.

“And that other old man? The one in the sleezy suit and looks like the guy with the ears?”

Alex nodded slowly.

“He eats people and turns into them. He could look like anybody, act like anybody – shoot, he could be anybody.”

Alex’s eyes widened at that. “Becomes the people he eats?” He sat back in his chair, looking sick. “Have they really changed that much?”

“Yeah. If you wanna think of a way to turn ‘em against that monster, go ahead, but it’s gonna be hard.” Stan made a dismissive wave and leaned back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest.

He didn’t bother to mention that he was starting to think that the idea was hopeless; that Alex may as well give up and go into hiding somewhere with his wife instead of actively fighting back. Getting attention from that three-sided freakshow would only get him killed at this point – or worse even, depending on how he felt when he would finally catch them.

At least Stan could still hold onto his anger, even if the concept of free will and hope slid between his fingers and left him feeling empty inside. Empty, he was familiar with – it’s hard not to feel like that, when your brother is a know-it-all genius and Pa kicks you out for messing something up and saying that you’re pretty much worthless – but this kind of empty was one that Stan was certain he was never going to get used to.

Or at least, he was going to try to never get used to it.

Stan felt an itchy feeling at the back of his mind, and he snorted a sigh and closed his eyes for a moment.

“GET MOVING, FEZ! TEACH THOSE HUMANS A LESSON!”

And Dipper and Mabel’s parents?

“EH. DO WHATEVER. I’VE GOT NO USE FOR THEM.”

“No.”

Stan opened his eyes when he heard Alex’s voice.

“I can’t just give up on them. That wouldn’t be right. There has to be a way to get them on our side!” Alex slammed a fist into the table.

“You’ve got pretty good…determination, Alex,” Stan growled as the pain in his chest flared up, “but I really doubt yer gonna be able ta do anythin’ ta get us ta come around.”

Alex turned his head sharply to stare at Stan in shock and surprise as Stan’s entire body seemed to ripple before morphing into his original shape. “Wh-what the – Uncle Stan?!” He scrambled out of his seat as Stan rose from his own. Alex’s face quickly paled. “That kid – he – you—“

“Yeah.” Two extra sets of eyes opened on Stan’s face, one pair above and below his original set, all six eyes glowing an ominous green. “I warned ya, didn’t I?”

Alex backed up against the wall behind him, then gritted his teeth as his eyes narrowed. “What are you going to do now? Eat me?”

“Nah. You know who’s actually bein’ surprisingly lenient on that. For now, anyway.” Stan jerked his head towards the door. “Take Karen an’ go. I might not be so nice next time we run into each other.”

Alex didn’t move.

“What are ya waitin’ for?! GO!”

Stan started shifting, letting his feathery, furry monster form take over and making Alex weak in the knees in terror before he turned and ran out of the room. Stan exited the room in a different way, merging with the shadows and making his way to where he knew that the leader of this particular resistance happened to be. The man’s scent was all over the place, but it did happen to be strengthening in a certain direction….

He found the rebellion’s leader working on paperwork in the back of the house, talking with advisors – seriously, who does that anymore? – about trading groups in order to get the weapons they needed.

“The only thing that you’ve got to your name is your life.”

The leader of the rebellion and his two advisors stiffened and looked around at the sound of Stan’s warped voice. He hated how it sounded when he was like this – it sounded like he actually was a monster. He didn’t need to sound like one when he already felt like one.

“What are you?!” the leader demanded. “How did you manage to get in here?!”

“Like you’re ever going to find out.”

Stan melted out of the shadows and lunged for the two men, jaw practically unhinging as he went.

When he left the room moments later, licking the remaining inner bodily fluids from his lips, he could already hear the screams from the other people who happened to be in the building. He transformed into the leader’s right-hand schmuck and ran down the hall to join the panicking people.

The freak in the pyramid was gonna want chaos, and Stan had a lot of anger that he was holding onto. Might as well make use of that while giving that goddamned Master one hell of a show.

Change in POV

Dipper and Mabel were outside the “base” that the recent rebellion had taken over – a large house in what used to be southern California – when a loud round of screams came from some of the open windows.

They exchanged looks, then jumped off the remains of a church steeple seconds before it collapsed. A large lilly pad covered in frills of grass materialized under Dipper’s bare feet, giving him a soft landing as Mabel glided down and landed next to him.

A loud, deep bellow suddenly echoed out of the house, gently shaking the earth and making Dipper’s antlers rattle.

“Grunkle Stan’s really scary,” Mabel said, shivering. Stardust fell from her hair and twinkled faintly as it fell to the ground, which was starting to grow a number of probably-poisonous flowers at their feet.

Dipper nodded in agreement. “Y-yeah, but we’re probably pretty scary, too. I haven’t seen people look at us the same way since….” He trailed off, thinking back to what happened in Portland, and quickly put it out of his mind.

He didn’t want to think about the blank look that came over his sister’s face every time she went that far with her powers, and the look of horror she had afterwards when she’d realized what she’d done.

“I-I don’t like doing this,” Mabel sniffled. “It hurts, Dipper.”

“Yeah,” Dipper replied quietly. “I know.” He reached over and grabbed Mabel’s hand and squeezed it, hoping that it would help ease the pain he knew she felt in her soul – the want to make sure that their parents were all right. It was like when he felt the pain from the echo of his more paranoid self from the past, when he could have tried to put together a plan to stop Bill – or, at least, rescue Ford.

But now….

Dipper closed his eyes and shivered as a voice echoed in his mind.

“ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO. FEZ IS NEARLY DONE IN THERE – TIME TO DO YOUR THING! AND MAKE IT SHOWY!”

Mabel shivered next to him. “Yes, Master.”

Dipper sighed. “Yes, Master.”

The two of them faced the large house that Stan had disappeared into, then tightened their grips on each other’s hands. A green glow emanated from the birthmark on Dipper’s forehead as his eyes became even more vibrant with a strange power, Mabel’s eyes becoming the same as they glowed a deep purple.

Roots suddenly exploded from the ground near Dipper’s feet, covered in starlight sparkles as they dug through the earth towards the house at high speed, multiplying and circling around the building. Trees grew up and around the house as a black blur dashed out of the front door; they wrapped themselves around it and squeezed as they grew taller and wider.

CRUNCH.

The trees suddenly collapsed in on themselves, then molded together into one large tree with a starlight-covered trunk and sparkling purple leaves that seemed to warp and twist, even though there wasn’t a wind that could have moved them.

The black blur that had left the house moved over to where Dipper and Mabel stood, morphing into a more familiar form with a tired expression. His eyes were still alight with a fury that Dipper knew only he could hold onto.

“SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK, BUDDY?”

Stan, Dipper, and Mabel didn’t move from where they stood; they knew that the Master was above them, and he’d call for their attention when he needed it.

“NOT BAD, NOT BAD. KINDA WISH I’D THOUGHT OF THIS WHEN THOSE BRATS AND THE OLD MAN CAME TO ‘RESCUE’ MY FORDSY. HEH, LIKE THEY’D BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING FOR HIM NOW!”

The three stiffened a little at the familiar voice, but the different echo of power; was there another triangular demon above them now?

“HEH, YEAH, I KNOW! YOU REALLY DID A NUMBER ON HIM IF YOU CAN KEEP HIM ON A LEASH WITHOUT ACTUALLY KEEPING HIM ON ONE!”

“I KNOW! IT GETS A BIT BORING WHEN HE DOESN’T SASS BACK, THOUGH. I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WAYS TO MAKE THIS A LOT MORE FUN. DOING THINGS LIKE THIS MIGHT MAKE THINGS A LOT MORE…INTERESTING, AT LEAST FOR A WHILE.”

“EXACTLY MY IDEA! BESIDES, I LEFT THE OTHER STUFF INTACT FOR A REASON – MAYBE THEY’LL START ACTUALLY ENJOYING THIS SOMEWHERE DOWN THE LINE!”

Stan stiffened at that, gritting his teeth, but said nothing. Mabel gripped Dipper’s hand more tightly as she bit her lower lip so hard that it could start bleeding.

Dipper clenched his eyes shut tightly, shaking at the idea that he’d actually enjoy what the Master was telling them to do – be eager for the next order that could come.

His chest ached when he attempted to hope that such a thing would never happen, and his heart sank at the realization that it might.

Is there anyone out there who would be able to save us?

#gravity falls #puppet au #cross' fanfiction #cannibalism-ish #death #stan #mystery twins #BILL #...I am looking forward to the day that I can write Bill getting crushed #but that day's a long time coming #the worst is yet to come; I'm warning you that much

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newstanmarshblog · 4 years ago

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Carrying a Best Friend: Chapter 4

Stan opened his eyes from his good night sleep. He checked his clock to see what time it is. It was past 7:00 am. And then he sees his ghostly best friend sleeping peacefully while floating in the air. He smiled to see that even spirts like Kenny can in fact also sleep much like with any living being. Although he wanted to ask Kenny some more questions about his pregnancy, but he also didn’t want to disturb him at the moment as well. So while waiting, Stan went onto his computer to look up some information on how to deal with his pregnancy. The first thing he found out was that within a month, he’ll be experiencing some morning sickness. He knows what it feels like to vomit a lot because of the love sickness that he used to have on Wendy all the way back in his elementary school years. So naturally, he wasn’t looking forward to that part. Stan also found a lot of information on how to eat and drink for the next nine months. And he found some good ways to exercise as well.

Twenty minutes later after Stan logged into his computer, Kenny wakes up from his sleep. He let out a long yawn.

Stan: Morning, dude. Did you get enough sleep?

Kenny: I think so. What are you looking up on?

Stan: I’m looking up on much information that I need to know on how to deal with my pregnancy.

Kenny: What did you find?

Stan: Well, for starters, I need to make a lot of changes on my diet for the next nine months.

For example, I can’t no longer drink anything that has caffeine in it like sodas and energy drinks. The only drinks that I’ll be having is water, juice, and milk since they all have better health benefits for the both of us. And I can’t eat anything that is under or over cooked. It has to be 100% perfectly cooked.

Kenny: What about desserts?

Stan: I can have many different kinds of fruits like watermelons, grapefruits, and one of my favorite desserts to have, strawberries. I can also eat yogurt parfait, angel food cake, and a little of dark chocolate.

Kenny: That’s good to know that you can still have strawberries and some dark chocolate since they’re some of my favorite desserts to have. What else did you find?

Stan: Well, I’ll be dealing with morning sickness in about a month from now.

Kenny: Yeah, I heard that part is usually not a good experience. I feel like that it’s gonna be worse to deal with than the love sickness that you had on Wendy.

Stan: Please don’t remind me of that.

Kenny: Sorry. But anyway, I got some stuff to tell you.

Stan: You mean the unusual things about my pregnancy?

Kenny: Yep. Just after you fall asleep, I asked heaven about the questions that you wanted to know, and then an angel named Gabriel came down to delivered me much needed answers.

Stan: What did he say?

Kenny: The feeling that you had when I impregnated you, it was the bodies parts added inside of you that you’ll need in order to carry me. You’ve been given a womb, and a cervix. All of which is connected to your rectum.

Stan: So, that means that I’ll be giving birth to you through my butt?

Kenny: That’s right.

Stan: That’s pretty fucked up, dude.

Kenny: Yeah, it sure is. Gabriel also said that you’ll have to give birth to me in water since your pregnancy is unordinary. If any doctor finds out about your pregnancy, they’ll be wanting to ask you a lot of questions.

Stan: Especially that they’ll want to know on how I have a uterus inside me, and they won’t believe all the spiritual stuff.

Kenny: One other thing that you should know is that you’re the only person able to see me. No one else can’t see me. But I did asked Gabriel a question that could anyone at least hear me, and he said yes.

Stan: Really?

Kenny: Yep. He said that spirts can talk to any person that they like to speak with, but it rarely happens because people often get scared when they hear and see them. No ghost ever had a decent conversation with anyone in over a hundred years.

Stan: What about those type of people that do believe in the paranormal actively? Surely any ghost talks with them.

Kenny: They do, but only a couple words to them since they don’t like to be exposed. Ghosts only like to have private talks with at least one person only as long they’re not a ghost hunter.

Stan: I see. So, you won’t be one of those ghost that won’t talk to people very much, right?

Kenny: Hell no! I definitely want to talk with as much friends that we can trust. And I also really want to talk to Karen as soon as possible.

Stan: Do you want to pay a visit to her today?

Kenny: I would say yes, but I remember that just before our graduation, she told me that she plans on meeting up with Henrietta on this coming Sunday. Which is today.

Stan: Your sister hangs out with one of the goths from our school?

Kenny: She and Henrietta have been hanging out together for over 10 years now. Karen has a bit of interest of goth stuff as a hobby. But anyway, I imagine that she’s hanging out with her right now, and don’t want to bother her.

Stan: Well, you just got killed very recently. Do you think that your sister would call off her plans today because of what just happened to you and your mother?

Kenny: Knowing my sister very well, she uses her goth hobby as a way to handle any type of agony whenever me or my mom aren’t around to comfort her. I think she would still have Henrietta over at my house in order for her to ease the emotional pain.

Stan: Oh.

And then suddenly, Stan thought about an idea.

Stan: Hey, I just thought of something that we can do today that should be really fun.

Kenny: Lay it on me.

Stan: You know on how every summer weekend in our town, there’s that farmers’ market always going on just across the street from our elementary school?

Kenny: Yeah?

Stan: Just a few years back, they allowed my dad to sale his weed products at the farmers’ market. I haven’t been there ever since shortly after my dad came over, and I think it’s that time that I pay him a visit to see if he’s willing to come back to my family or not.

Kenny: What if he says no?

Stan: That’s where you come in. My dad always have Towelie with him whenever he sales his weed products at different places, and your Towelie voice impression is really spot on. If my dad rejects on giving up his Tegridy Farms business, use your Towelie voice impression to say mean stuff about my dad and his crappy weed.

Kenny impersonating Towelie: This weed is starting to get so bad that it smells like my grandpa’s very own farts.

Stan laughing: Yeah, like that! You still got it, Ken.

Kenny still impersonating Towelie: Yep, I still have it in me.

Stan: I just gotta do my morning routine stuff first before we head to the farmers’ market. Promise me that you’ll keep quiet whenever someone is around us for the time being.

Kenny: Will do!

*Over two hours later*

After having some perfectly cooked eggs for breakfast, and taking Samson for a good walk, Stan & Kenny make their way to the farmers’ market by walking since it only takes twenty minutes to get there by foot. When they arrived, the place was very crowed.

Kenny: Man, it has been a long time since my last visit here. It sure has been getting bigger.

Stan: I feel like it’s mainly due to the expansion of my dad’s Tegridy Farms. Nearly every adult in this town loves my dad’s weed after all.

Kenny: Hey, before we go in, are they actually smoking your dad’s products over there?

Stan: Thankfully, no. All the weed are either sold inside of jars, or small ziplock bags. If anyone is caught smoking either from within the farmer’ market, or about fifty yards or less from the place, they’ll be fined up to at least a $100. This is mainly due to the fact that they’re still smart enough to remember that the smell of smoking can still be dangerous to children, and to anyone that is pregnant like myself.

Kenny: That’s good to know. Where’s your dad at?

Stan: He should be near at the other side of this place. Let’s go.

As they walked into the farmers’ market, they see all the wonderful fresh food products that surrounds them. From apples, to grapes, tomatoes, carrots, peppers, and even Stan’s most favorite food product in the area, strawberries. Every food that they walked passed by are mostly made by farmers outside of town since South Park only has three local farmers. One is farmer Carl Denkins, but he only does meat. The other is an old farmer that somehow knows a lot about scary supernatural stuff. He’s the only local farmer that does fruits and vegetables. His most successful product one time was when he used to make Memberberries, but he doesn’t farm them anymore. And lastly, there was Randy. He is the most successful out of the three all because of his Tegridy weed. His business was booming so well, that he received a lot of orders all around in Colorado. Randy was even named Colorado’s very best hemp farmer for five years straight. And even though that he still wishes that his family would’ve stayed with him, Randy prefers his Tegridy life over what his family wanted more as he cares more about his weed.

A couple minutes later after entering, Stan & Kenny finds the Tegridy Farms booth ahead of them. At the booth was Towelie, and a man that has a huge grayish beard while also wearing a straw hat. It was Randy.

Kenny: Wow, dude. Is that guy really your dad?

Stan: Yep, that’s him. He still hasn’t changed much ever since he started his business here.

Kenny: Last time I ever your dad, he looked nothing the way he does now. Did you ever say a word to him when he first came here?

Stan: Nope, neither does my mom and sister whenever they shop here. We’ve never spoken to him ever since the divorcement occurred. We’re all still very mad at him that he cares more about his weed than us.

Kenny: Do you think there’s ever a chance that he may come back to you guys?

Stan: I don’t think so, but you’ll never know. I figured that I’ll still give it a shot since because of me heading to college despite of the pregnancy, and my mom is gonna be alone for a long time. If my dad can understand the situation, maybe he’ll finally come back to South Park to be reunited with my mom. And if he still acts like an egocentric asshole, you know what to do next.

Kenny smiling: I’m already set with great insults to say whenever you say so.

Stan: If my dad doesn’t want to do my plea, I’ll give a wink to you for the go ahead to pull off your prank as I’ll be hiding at the empty booth that’s next to my dad’s booth.

Kenny: Got it. I’ll be keeping my mouth shut until then.

Stan: All right, let’s do it.

With Kenny floating right beside him, Stan walk towards to the line where all the people were waiting to get their weed. After a 10 minute wait in line, he at last looked right into his father for the very first time since he was 12 years old. From Randy’s point of view, he felt completely off guard when he recognizes that red and blue poof ball hat.

Randy: Stan? Is that you?

Stan: Come on, dad. You know how I love this hat very much.

Randy excited: STANNY BOY! My god, you’ve grown a lot, son!

Stan: And I see that you’ve grown a bread since I last saw you.

Randy: Yeah well, I thought that since I’m a farmer and getting older, I’ll just let it grow on me. It fits quit nicely with my Tegridy life. Well, anyway, are you here to buy weed for your mom?

Stan: No. I want to talk with you about something if you got the time.

Randy: Sure, sure, why not! Come over here.

Stan walks over to the other side of the booth.

Randy: Hey, Towelie. You remember my son Stan here, right?

Towelie: Yeah, I remember you. I still remember all the fun times that you & I had. Like that time when we & your friends first played the Okama GameSphere together.

Stan: Yeah, and the crazy adventure that we had on getting that console back.

Towelie: Good times, good times.

Kenny’s mind thought: Or that time where I fell down into that acid tank. Definitely not fun.

Randy: My son came over here to talk with me about something. So, can you handle the booth by yourself for the time being until I get back?

Towelie: Sure thing.

Stan & his dad walk outside from behind the booth.

Randy: So, how are things been going for you lately, son?

Stan: I started driving last winter, and I just finished high school on Friday.

Randy: That’s wonderful to hear. And how’s your mother and sister been doing?

Stan: Well, about that. I want to talk with you about it.

Randy: What is it about?

Stan: Two years back, Shelly went to The University of Iowa, and she’s still there. And I’ll be heading to Colorado State University in two months.

Randy: Wow, that’s incredible. Are you two planning on trying to a degree for hemp farming so that way you guys can at last return to my farm to help my business move much faster. You two must be finally appreciating Tegridy weed just like your old man. *makes two thumbs up to point himself*

Stan: *sigh* No. Me and Shelly have our own plans that doesn’t involve weed.

Randy annoyed: Oh, come on! I was really hoping for a moment that you two would start a Tegridy family tree that’ll be carried on for many generations to come!

Stan: I’m here to talk about mom.

Randy: What about her? Is she at least starting to appreciate my Tegridy in order for me to marry her again?

Stan: While me and Shelly are away, mom is gonna be all alone for a very long period of time, and it really bothers me to see her that like. She may have friends that she can hang out with once a while, but I feel like that she would be very happy to have someone living with her that knows her very well. And you’re the only other person that knows her very well personally just as much as me and Shelly. It would mean so much to her if you finally return to South Park, and be with her again. She still loves you very much, dad. It’s just that she really hates of what you’ve become. She, along with me and Shelly, really miss having that man that really loves his family despite of the bad habits once a while. A man that’s more than willing to help them whenever they need him most. He’ll also be there to comfort them whenever his love ones are having emotional pain. As well a man that really knows how to make his family happy that he cares deeply so much more than his very own happiness. You used to be that kind of a person, dad. That’s how we all loved you in the first place. If you really still care so much about our family, then please, put this whole Tegridy Farms thing behind you once and for all. Hand it over to Towelie since he seems to know how to run the business. Me and Shelly really want to have back the father that loved us deeply just as much as we loved him back after we were born. And my mom really wants to have back the husband that she fell in loved with in the first place. That’s the Randy Marsh that we want to have back in our family.

Kenny smiled as he felt very compassionate from seeing Stan’s long heartwarming speech to his dad.

Randy: I’m really thankful that you guys still care about me that much. And I’ll be more than happy to reunite with you all, but, if only you all apologize for dumping me and then come back to our real home. Tegridy Farms is where the Marsh family belongs at, not in this crappy town!

Stan angry: OH MY GOD! After all this years, you’re still the very same egocentric person that we left behind. Is that attitude of yours is the real main reason on why we left that fucking farm!

Randy angry: If you all had the strong spirt of Tegridy within you like I do, then our family would’ve never been so broken.

Stan angry: We never wanted to have that kind of spirt within us! And you broke this family apart ever since the day when we moved out of South Park!

Randy angry: Fuck South Park! The only reason why I still keep coming here every summer weekend is because it’s helping me to reach my goal to finally move far away from this garbage town for good, and to start my new weed business in California. I’m already near the cash goal needed to get out of here.

Stan angry: Why the hell you want to move out of this town?! Didn’t you forget that you have friends here, and that nearly every grown up here loves your weed products?

Randy: Yeah, I know that. It’s just that the city council will never understands the true meaning of Tegridy weed like I do, and they’re still allowing people here to make and sale marijuana in their own backyards. It’s been ruining my business for serval years now, and I’m sick of it all!

Stan angry: I can’t believe that you’re saying such things to this town. You’re no longer the dad that I once knew from my childhood.

Randy: People chance, Stan. I’m really happy with the life that I’m currently in, and I plan to keep that way right until the day that I die. You, Shelly, and your mother are still welcome to come back with me when you can all finally embrace the full Tegridy spirt within you.

Stan very angry: FUCK TEGRIDY FARMS! AND FUCK YOU FOR BREAKING OUR HEARTS!

He begins to walks away from his father.

Randy: The offer still stands, son. The Marsh family will be nothing without Tegridy Farms if you guys keep running away from it.

Stan: We’re all happy without your stupid weed. And I don’t how long our offer to you will stand if you keep up your douchiness, but I’ll say it to you one more time. Put our family first, over your Tegridy life.

Stan walks away from the booth with a couple of tears coming down from his eyes as Kenny follows from behind.

Kenny: Man, what a huge dick. My own dad may not be prefect, but at least he was never such an egocentric person like your dad is.

Stan: Up to this point, I don’t even think I’ll ever look at him as my own dad anymore. He’s now like a stranger that I can’t even sympathize for.

After calming himself down for a few minutes from his argument with his dad, Stan heads to the empty booth that stands next to the Tegridy booth. He hides underneath a table booth that has a huge table cover large enough that’ll keep him hidden from his dad and Towelie.

Stan: Alright, dude. Do your best insult lines on that asshole. *winks at his ghostly pal*

Kenny: After on what he say to you, he’s about to get what’s coming to him.

Kenny flies over to the Tegridy booth where Towelie was talking to some customers as Randy was just bring in more weed to the booth. Kenny floats close enough so that Randy will heard the insults that’ll make him believe that Towelie is saying them.

Kenny impersonating Towelie: You know, this Tegridy weed used to be so good back when we started this business. But nowadays, it feels so old that it’s outdated. Hell, even my grandmama’s very own farts smell better than this.

That line ticked off Randy so easily.

Randy pissed off: What the hell, Towelie?!

Towelie: What?

Randy: Since when you started to feel like that our weed is now outdated compare to your grandmama’s farts?

Stan was giggling pretty hard from underneath the empty table booth.

Towelie: I never said anything like that, I swear!

Randy pointing to at a customer: How about you, sir? Did he say anything about our weed being outdated?

Customer: Nope, he didn’t say anything about that. Your weed is still pretty good, but if I were to completely honest, Seth Rogen’s new weed products are better than yours.

Randy annoyed: Since when did he get started into the weed business??

Customer: Right here, see?

The customer puts up his mobile phone to show Randy an image of Seth’s weed product called, “Houseplant”.

Randy in rage: GET OUT OF HERE!!

He scares off the customer away.

Randy: And you’re officially on the Tegridy banned for life list, pot fucker!

Towelie: Since when did you decided to make a Tegridy banned for life list?

Randy frustrated: Just get back to work.

Meanwhile at the empty booth.

Stan laughing a bit: Aw man, dude! That one was so good.

Kenny: Time for round two, but this time, I’m gonna make him panic.

He flies back to Randy, and says his next line.

Kenny impersonating Towelie: Yeah, we don’t plan on staying at this craphole town for any longer. Once we make enough money, we plan on moving to California as our permanent place there.

Randy panicking: SHIT!

He physically grabs Towelie, and takes him out back of the booth while placing one of his hands on Towelie’s mouth. He then removes his hand from his partner’s mouth.

Towelie angry: Damn it, Randy! What the hell has gotten into you?!

Randy: I should be asking you the same question! You know very damn well that’s supposed to be a secret between us.

Towelie: Which secret?

Randy: The one of us planning to move out from this shitting town.

A different customer stares at them being so confused. Randy noticed the customer.

Randy freaking out: Nothing ever happened here, alright! You didn’t see anything! Just take a weed jar, free of charge! Promise me that you won’t say anything about what you saw here.

He hands the customer a jar of weed.

Customer: Umm…okay. Thanks.

The customer walks away still very confused on what he just saw.

Randy getting pissed: You’re on thin ice! If you say something bad one more time, you’ll be in a world of trouble.

Towelie: I didn’t say anything about our plan. You know how well I keep my mouth shut on stuff like that.

Randy: *sigh* Alright, I’ll just take care of the booth myself for the time being. And as for you, just go grab some more weed from the truck.

Back at the empty booth.

Stan: That was a great way to freak him out, although I honestly don’t want to have Towelie possibly getting beaten up by my dad during your next prank move. He’s not much a horrible person after all.

Kenny: Yeah, you’re right. Let me check to see if there’s someone out there that’ll be better suited for my next prank.

Kenny files up to find somebody in line that can show Randy not to mess with. One person that he recognizes at the front of the booth is Cartman’s mother. He was pretty shocked to see that. It makes him wonder if Cartman is aware about his mom’s smoking habits. And then at last, Kenny finds two targets that’ll go perfectly for his next prank. A couple of customers away from Mrs. Cartman were two hardcore bike riders. They were very musculature, all black leathered, and had some manly symbols like skulls and a bald eagle. These were indeed the type of people that you didn’t want to screw around with. Kenny flies back down to Stan.

Kenny: I found two bike riders that are in line, and they’re the kind of people that you would never want to screw around with.

Stan: Nice. Once they’re close enough to where my dad can hear them both, do your trick.

Kenny making a wink: Got it.

He files back up, and then heads towards to Randy once again. After a minute of waiting, the bikers were close enough in order for Randy to hear.

Kenny impersonating biker 1: Man, I’m very curious to find out how Tegridy weed feels like compare to Seth Rogen’s weed.

Kenny impersonating biker 2: According to one review that I’m seeing on google, the weed that we’re about to try out states that it feels more like having a fart from a buffalo taking a shower than actual weed. And a different reviewer saids that it’s the worst weed that she ever had, and that she would rather try to get high on watching shitty Adam Sandler movies than on having more Tegridy weed.

Kenny impersonating biker 1: Ouch. If this weed is gonna be as bad as those reviewers described it, then I guess we’ll say that consumers should buy more of Seth’s weed, and less to no more of Tegridy weed.

Randy didn’t liked on what he heard. He then walks towards to the bikers while making a sarcastic laughter.

Randy: Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Biker 1: What?

Randy: So now people are starting to post fake reviews in order to get everyone boycotting my weed despite the fact that those TROLLS still know that my Tegridy weed is the very best goddamn weed in the entire country while all the other weed products suck ass! I bet that you guys were sent here by that pothead Rogen to try out my weed, and then say bad things about it. Well guess what you cissy bastards, it ain’t gonna work!

Biker 2 getting pissed: What did you call us?

Randy: You heard me right, you cissy bastard. In fact, you two are just more than that, you two, and all of your pussy friends, are all mother fucking shitheads!

Everything was quiet for a moment as everyone surrounding them were watching, and then suddenly, without warning, one of the bikers punched Randy in the stomach. The other biker grabs his shirt, and pulls him very close face to face.

Biker 1 angry: Listen here, gramps, we just came here to buy your weed because our pals had some of them, and they told us that they were incredible. When we finally made it here from our long road trip with high expectations to try out those precious marijuana, we would never imagine that the very owner that made them would turn out to be a huge douchebag. We may love weed a lot, but we’ll never smoke a single one from little turds like yourself that treats it’s customers like how you treated us with your shithole conspiracy theory. I now plan to spread the word for a start of a boycott on Tegridy Farms because on how you only care about yourself.

Biker 2: And look around you, everyone saw on what you just said to us. Very soon, this state, and the entire country will stop buying products from you because of the type of person you really are.

Randy noticed that some of the crowd were recording with their mobile device. One of those people recording is Craig.

Biker 1: You’re finished, you mother fucking shithead.

He physically push Randy to the ground, and then the bikers leaves the area. Randy soon gets up, and sees everyone leaving.

Randy: Please, don’t go! I’ll give you all free Tegridy weed if you guys comeback.

Craig: Looks like everyone here seems to be finally over with Tegridy Farms, asshole. It’s over. *holds up his phone*

Randy: Don’t you dare post that video online.

Craig smirking: I already did. *walks away*

Randy: You little son of a bitch! *turns his attention to his partner* Towelie, help me out here!

Towellie: You’ve just crossed the red line. I’m done with this shit. And you’re a towel! *he leaves*

Randy in rage: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?! *trying to keep his cool* All right, fine! I’ll just handle this business all by myself. I’m sure that there’s still people out there wanting to have that great Tegridy feel in their weed.

He grabs a box full of Tegridy weed jars, and then tries to catch up with the crowd.

Meanwhile at the empty booth, Stan & Kenny felt speechless on how the final prank played out. While the part with the bikers was carried out as they expected, they were very surprised on how everyone saw the whole scene and now starting to turn their backs on Randy.

Stan: Wow! I never expected anything like that to happen.

Kenny: Yeah, same. Although, do you think your dad really deserved that?

Stan: In a sense, yeah. My dad has changed a lot throughout his time living in that farm. So much so that he now cares more about his business than both of his friends, and my family put together. Even when I tried to reason with him in hopes that there might be some good in him, that egocentric asshole persona was so strong within him that it must’ve had completely consumed him sometime ago. Plus, hearing the words “Fuck South Park” coming right out from his mouth, that really pissed me off deeply inside.

Kenny: I felt that way too when he said it.

Stan: I don’t know what will come next for him, but it looks like he’s about to learn things the hard way from this point on. And by the way, dude. I can’t believe that you actually remembered those google reviews when I showed them to you back when we went to that Tegridy Farms field trip.

Kenny: I find them to be the funniest feedbacks that I ever read. Mr. Garrison and Butters’ grandmother do know how to make great insults.

Stan: They sure do. But anyway, let’s get out of here. I’m starting to feel hungry.

Kenny: Okay.

As Stan & Kenny begin to make their way out of the farmers’ market, the place was not as crowded as it was when they came in. When they made it back to the entrance, Randy was out there trying to sell his weed to people walking by him. Stan didn’t wanted to be noticed by his father out there.

Stan: Damn it. There must be a way to pass by without him noticing me.

Kenny looks arounds, and sees a family group from behind.

Kenny: There’s a family group coming towards you from behind. Try to blend in with them, and also take your hat off too since you’re very recognizable with it.

Stan: Good idea.

After taking his hat off, Stan blends in with the family group side by side as they walk pass by his dad. When they made it to the parking lot area, Stan walks a bit faster to the sidewalk. As he made it there and was now out of sight from Randy, he put his hat back on, and let out a sign of relief.

Stan: Phew, I’m glad that he didn’t noticed me. After on what such awful things he said to me, I don’t want to be anywhere near him anymore.

Kenny: Hey Stan, now that we’re out of the farmers’ market, I want to ask you something.

Stan: What is it, Kenny?

Kenny: How many people do you think that we can trust of on keeping your pregnancy a secret?

Stan: That’s a really hard question to figure out. We’ll have to discuss about that when we get home, but for now, I gotta eat something.

Kenny: You wanna try eating at Panera Bread since they have great healthy food options that should be good for us both.

Stan: Sure.

As they make their way to the restaurant, they were also thinking in their heads on who can they trust on to keep Stan’s pregnancy a secret.

In the next chapter, Stan & Kenny pay a visit to Karen.

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